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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this parent did not have a good excuse

26 replies

nomoreparties · 05/02/2012 18:04

DD's party was today at a big soft play place about 15 minutes drive away. When I chased party non-repliers one parent told me that she wasn't sure how to get there as her husband was working away and she didn't drive. So I said that we'd happily take her child "X" to the party in our car. Mother thanked me and we exchanged addresses and phone numbers.

When we picked X up today I said we would drop her back between 1.45 and 2.00pm. Mum said that was fine and she'd be sure to be in.

We arrived back at X's house at 1.55pm. We knocked on the door but got no answer. Waited and knocked louder. Still no answer. So we peered through the front window. Noticing the tv was on in the front room I went and banged on the front window. The door finally opened and a man stood there who said that X's mum had "just popped out" and he was there to fix the sink. He said he couldn't take responsibility for X which I thought was fair enough, so I asked him to pass on a message to X's mum to pick her up from our house (which was 5 minutes walk away). I wrote our address down again just to be sure she had it.

AT 2.25pm there is still no sign of X's mum. Stupidly I hadn't got her mobile number, only her house phone, but thought I ring it anyway to check if she was back. She answered the phone and in response to my asking if she could come and pick up X she replied that she would be round shortly, she was just waiting for the workman to finish. I asked if she could come straight away as we were expecting visitors (had various family members coming for DD's birthday) and it really wasn't convenient to have her DD at all. She said yes ok ...

25 minutes later she turns up. DH is somewhat short (though polite) with her. She said she was sorry but they'd had a problem with the sink and she'd had to pop out to get something for the workman to fix it, and she couldn't really leave it till later. She said she'd assumed we would leave X with the workman. She seemed a bit narked that we were narked iyswim. DH explained that the workman had refused to have X (and DH and I later said to each other we couldn't believe she was prepared to leave her DD with a total stranger anyway).

So were we wrong to be narked at her having a plumbing emergency? tbh if she'd rung up and explained in advance (she did have my mobile) and been a bit more apologetic we might have been a bit more understanding.

OP posts:
Mrsgradgrind · 05/02/2012 18:29

Yanbu

minimisschief · 05/02/2012 18:29

just don't speak to her again. Simple as that

Tee2072 · 05/02/2012 18:31

YANBU She used you for free babysitting.

Next time, just leave the child. It's obviously what she wanted.

And get all mobile numbers!

alorsmum · 05/02/2012 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

suburbophobe · 05/02/2012 18:32

Shock that she expected you to leave her with a stranger...

Got an ironmongers down the road then? (as she doesn't drive).

Even weirder that she left the house and left a stranger in there (so maybe he wasn't a stranger).

YANBU

t0lk13n · 05/02/2012 18:34

Perhaps she was in bed with said workman and had him to answer door etc and then got back into bed with said workman! Whilst hubby was working!

Bossybritches22 · 05/02/2012 18:36

Very odd.

YANBU

MyLittleMiracle · 05/02/2012 18:36

It might be he wasnt a stranger, but a friend of a friend, and therefore she trusted him. She shouldnt have left, if a workman normally needs a part, i thought it was normally them who went to get it anyway.

YANBU

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 05/02/2012 18:45

Shock @ her barefaced cheek!

But deep down, if you are honest, you wouldn't have left a child with a stranger in the house when the mother is out.

You did the right thing in the circumstances that you were thrown into.

Unless she does something really nice to make it up, I'd steer well clear in the future.

numbertaker · 05/02/2012 18:48

YANBU

mynewpassion · 05/02/2012 18:55

I think its odd that she would want to leave her child with the workman but did you DH really have to be short with her?

She doesn't drive and if the shop wasn't near, she might have to take either the bus or get a taxi or it might have taken a bit longer at the store to get the specific part.

She did apologize. A bit of understanding on your parts wouldn't have hurt either.

TreacleSoda · 05/02/2012 18:58

But if she had rung the OP and let her know the strange cicumstances, then her DH probably wouldn't have been short with her. Why should they show her a bit of understanding when she was so rude to them in the first place?

Original poster
nomoreparties · 05/02/2012 18:59

Yes, I thought the whole going for a part thing was weird, though she did say something (I wasn't really listening) about she'd got the wrong part and had to change it so perhaps she'd got a cheap deal on the basis she supplied the parts. The shop she must have gone to was about a mile away so walkable, but must have been a total pita in the snow as the paths were very icy (roads were clear). Unless she had a friend give her a lift I suppose.

I assumed the workman didn't know her - just the way he was talking about her and X didn't say anything about knowing the workman, but of course he could be friend of a friend.

The girls are both 6.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 05/02/2012 19:01

People don't generally have a plumber round on a Sunday for fun.

However:
You were right not to leave her DD with the workman.
She should have been more apologetic
Your DH perhaps shouldn't have been so short with her which may have put her back up when she was about to apologise.
It can be very difficult to juggle everything when you are the only parent available.

c0rnsilllkrunninglikealaydee · 05/02/2012 19:01

wow how rude!
how old are the dc's?

OnlyWantsOne · 05/02/2012 19:03

Her DP is away?

Bet she's shagging the "plumber"

cheekyseamonkey · 05/02/2012 19:10

Hmm, YANBU, she was happy to pop out to get the part, but once home, not happy to pop 5 mins to yours straight away to pick dc up.

If I were her, I would've realised that you were going to be dropping DC off when plumber was there alone and left a message or a note with him to say sorry. If she expected you to drop DC with the plumber, you think she'd have warned HIM in advance at least, then you could've decided whether or not you'd feel comfortable without having to second guess her feelings too.

Mynewpassion, a bit of understanding is one thing, but she was happy to leave her 6yo in limbo for over an hour, with people she doesn't know well enough to expect a favour, on their DC's birthday, when they are likely to have other plans.

KittyFane · 05/02/2012 19:15

YANBU to expect her to be more organised and phone you.

YABU to not give her the benefit of the doubt that this was an emergency and I'd be inclined to feel a bit sorry for her on this occasion.

KittyFane · 05/02/2012 19:16

I think...

Hmm
PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 05/02/2012 19:19

She was having a crafty shag while her DD was out and you interrupted them! Grin

mynewpassion · 05/02/2012 19:21

Well, she knew them well enough to allow her daughter to be picked up to go a birthday party by the OP and her family.

It was an emergency. She doesn't drive and had to get parts to fix her sink which she called a plumber for on a Sunday with the weather conditions. Yes, she could have called, no doubt about it. I just don't think getting narky was helpful.

AndiMac · 05/02/2012 19:25

Looking after your child comes before looking after your plumber. YANBU.

cheekyseamonkey · 05/02/2012 19:27

Mynewpassion - she knew them well enough to take a favour that was offered. She does NOT know them well enough to EXPECT a favour.

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 05/02/2012 19:31

The plumber came round on a sunday?
The shop she needed the part from was not only within walking distance but also open on a sunday? Local shops round my way just dont open on a sunday.
She didnt think to text/ring and say "friend is at mine fixing X, would you mind leaving Y with him, she knows him, ill be 10 mins"

Odd.

halcyondays · 05/02/2012 19:40

It is odd. Not only did she not bother to pick up the phone to apologise that she was going to be late but even when the op phoned, she didn't say oh I'm sorry, I'll be round straight away to get her, which is which most people would have done. If she was happy to leave the plumber in her house while she got the part, she could easily have pooped out to collect her dd. Itwas cheeky of her and who knows when she would have turned up if the op hadn't phoned to ask her to come and get her dd.

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