To show my 5yr old dd pictures of children who have been bitten by dogs??

[mrsshears]

Looking for tips and/or advice here really, my mother has a jack russell dog who for some reason is scared of my 5yr old dd,she has never done anything to this dog to make him feel this way ,when we go to my mums house which is probably once every couple of months dd makes a beeline for this dog and tries to pet him and play with him,he backs away and will sometimes growl at her.
I repeatedly have to move dd away from this dog and tell her to leave him alone,she is not listening to me despite me giving her quite stern tellings off about this,i dont really want to tell my mum to remove the dog when we visit as i don't think she would take too kindly to this,its also not really an option to not go round there either.
After a particulairly stressful visit today i have told dd in no uncertain terms that if she doesnt leave this dog alone he will bite her,i have a good mind to also show her pictures of children who have been bitten by dogs as i really think this is what will happen if she doesnt do as she is told,aibu?

Why would your mum have a problem with removing the dog from the room?

I have a ridiculously large dog and I always remove him for people who are nervous or have little children. I love the very bones of my dog, but don't expect others too.

Don't show her the photos, it will be too much.

Your daughter doesn't have to do anything to the dog. The dog is expressing he is not happy with her approaching him - that's fine the dog is allowed to feel that way! Just keep them separate. being fair to him he is giving a warning rather than just snapping. respect that.
Don't instill a fear of dogs into her. The best way to get bitten by a dog is to express fear and tension around a dog which will upset the dog - vicious circle.

I have decided to not show dd any photos.
I have just had a very long chat with her and have said if she touches the dog again there will be serious consequences both from myself and the dog!
I have explained that because he is frightened he will try to defend himself,as i said before we dont go round very often but the next time we do i'm going to assesss the situation when we get there and as i said if dd does not listen then there will be a penalty.

... and talk to your mother about the dog going in another room for the duration of your visit.

So your basically carrying on doing next to nothing. Poor child, poor dog.

Hardly bobyan

what will the penalty be? you need to make that clear to your DD now and reinforce it before you visit your mum. also, teach her how she should behave. you have internet, it isn't difficult to get this information if you are serious about preventing an injury.

Did you use the words penalty and consequences to her?

Er yes actually mrssears
"I repeatedly have to move dd away from this dog and tell her to leave him alone,she is not listening to me despite me giving her quite stern tellings off about this"
And now you've had a very long chat, probably just repeating what you have already said, bar the threat of a penalty should she ignore you again. Lets hope the dog doesn't bite her before you have a chance to "assess" the situation.

fivehourssleep has kindly provided a link further up the thread so i will take a proper look at that later on.
The penalty will be the removal of privilages.

bobyan the difference being she has now been told in no uncertain terms that if she continues to attempt to touch the dog it is highly possible it may bite her as it is frightened and will try to defend itself and she has had the consequences spelled out to her!

hippocritt yes i did use those terms,dd is aware of the meanings of them.

I think it depends entirely on the child whether it would be unreasonable or not, actually. I have shown my DD photos of children who have been bitten, to bring home to her what could happen if she keeps hugging dogs around the neck and putting her face right up to theirs. It is dangerous behaviour and she needs to realise the potential consequences of her actions. However I know that this wouldn't give her a fear of dogs - I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been sure of that, iyswim.

Your DD needs to be made aware of what may happen if she doesn't respect the dog's boundaries - you know your child well enough to figure out how much of a shock tactic might work, or whether it would be counter-productive.

I wouldn't expect your mum to shut the dog away. My dog would bark and howl the place down if I shut her away from me. It isn't the dog's fault that your DD won't leave it alone!

phew glad your dealing with your dd's behaviour and not punishing the dog.

Maybe try approaching it from a different angle and start teaching her about canine psychology and behaviour. Learning to read the signals will stand her in good stead for other dogs she may meet.

Still don't understand why you can't ask your mother to put the dog in another room though.
Perfectly reasonable request.

but it is the child that is misbehaving not the dog.

YABVU.

Try to find her some more friendly dogs to interact with and then use that dog to teach her how to look for friendly signs and aggressive signs. Looking at what their ears are doing and their tail is doing. Teach her how to keep herself safe around dogs, so she knows that she always has to ask the owner, look for signs etc.

It's no good just saying 'no, he might bite you' if you are not teaching anything positive and any reasons that she will understand as valid. 5yos are blessed with thinking bad things won't happen to them, so the thought of a bite won't really resonate as something that may genuinely happen and it's not something she can focus on. Looking for signs and things like that give her something to actually think about and do, and she is learning how to make choice how to keep herself safe, rather than just following what someone else says. She sounds like she is intelligent and would respond better that way.

Exactly Iusetoomuchkitchenroll repeating the same thing over and over with no actual action to change anything won't work because it repeatedly hasn't worked before.

YABU.
YOu need to either have the dog put away when you visit or keep your child away from it. Making her scared of all dogs is not the answer.

The problem was with my DD, that although she was aware of what a dog's body language was telling her (because I'd taught her) and what behaviour is unsafe around dogs, all of that was trumped by her desire to be close to the dog - children are pretty crap at impulse control. She's better now, but that has come with time.

Can you help your DD redirect her impulse to be close to the dog? Close supervision of your DD giving the dog treats, then progressing to playing games with the dog, for instance. Far safer and better to win the dog over so they get along, and also to help your DD interact with dogs in a more appropriate way. It's win-win, isn't it - the dog gets treats and a game, and your DD learns that it's more fun to treat and play with an enthusiastic dog than to force hugs on a reluctant, growling one.