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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to insist on cancelling dc christening today due to snow ??

31 replies

chocolic · 05/02/2012 10:04

we are in birmingham and have just invited close family + godparents to dc christening this pm.

dh family are mostly local but mine have much further to travel and my parents now can't make it due to the snow. Possibly my db might not be able to make it either and I haven't even been able to contact this morning one set of godparents.

I want to postpone so my parents can be there but dh is refusing (his folks live about 20 mins away).

I don't know what to do - at this rate it will just be dh family (who I don't get on with anyway!).

Also by going ahead I am worried that some attendees (like the set of godparents coming from kent) might endanger themselves - end up stranded/ in a terrible jam in order to attend and it isn't really fair on them.

what should I do - should I try and insist on cancelling or just go ahead??

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolic · 05/02/2012 10:04

ps. just a meal at home afterwards so no venue to worry about.

OP posts:
Coconutty · 05/02/2012 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Westcountrywife · 05/02/2012 10:06

Cancel. It's a family occasion and not all the family can make it...

SydSaid · 05/02/2012 10:07

I would cancel. It is obviously important to you for your family to be there (and rightly so). There is no point in going ahead when half the family can't make it IMO.

CestTout · 05/02/2012 10:11

Cancel. Drove from Birmingham to Cambridgeshire last night after a concert and it took us 5.5 hours. Worst thing is twats thinking they can drive fast and then crash. You can control how you drive and reduce risks that way but you can't stop others being idiots.

Original poster
chocolic · 05/02/2012 10:14

Thanks I will try to persuade dh then and try and insist. (he has just popped out but should be back soon).

He is being a right bastard about it unfortunately saying that it's about dc and not the family so it doesn't matter if family not there. But I'm sure it would matter to him if it was his family not being able to attend.

Also I'm really worried about my friend - she was very excited to be godparent and I'm sure she'd do anything to try and get here if she thought she'd miss it otherwise.

OP posts:
cerys74 · 05/02/2012 10:18

Your husband is the one being unreasonable, IMO! I'd cancel if I were you - it's clearly important to you that your family/DC's godparent be there and it would be sad if your memories of the day were unhappy.

BoringSchoolChoiceNickname · 05/02/2012 10:20

If all the godparents can't make it safely then you can't have a christening. Grandparents are optional at a christening (though I see why you'd be upset) but godparents are obligatory.

GrimmaTheNome · 05/02/2012 10:28

He is being a right bastard about it unfortunately saying that it's about dc and not the family so it doesn't matter if family not there.

Doesn't sound like he's in the right frame of mind for it, if its something you actually take seriously. In any case not sure he's right - infant christening is about adults making promises about how they intend to raise children.

ChippyMinton · 05/02/2012 10:31

"Grandparents are optional at a christening (though I see why you'd be upset) but godparents are obligatory." Actually they are not obligatory - they can have people stand-in for them. Just thought i'd point that out.

Disappointing nevertheless. What does the priest say about cancelling and re-arranging?

SydSaid · 05/02/2012 10:33

Could you not just tell him that the vicar phoned while he was out saying the heating was bust at the church and that you'll have to reschedule...

mrsscoob · 05/02/2012 10:37

You can't use a vicar in a lie, that just seems all wrong Grin

If it were me I'd just ring up now and cancel while he is out. Whats he going to do? You are totally in the right to cancel.

SydSaid · 05/02/2012 10:42

Just to clarify - I wasn't serious with that suggestion!

Far too likely to be found out...

McHappyPants2012 · 05/02/2012 11:10

the godparents can't get there so i would cancel.

scottishmummy · 05/02/2012 11:15

Cancel and reschedule
Cancellation isn't so bad given the extreme weather situation

TidyDancer · 05/02/2012 11:19

I'm usually of the view that a Christening is not about the attendees, more about the occasion, but in this case I would definitely cancel.

I'd be really pissed off with DH if I were you. I think you need to put your foot down over this one. If the Christening goes ahead today, you could end up really resenting him over it. You can have it another day, with all the right people there. There really is no issue with rescheduling from what I can see.

Just an aside (I guess), does DH like your family?

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 05/02/2012 11:20

Cancel. Your dh is being incredibly selfish.

If he wants to make it about the dc, then remind him that your dc might be upset to realise that only half that famil coud be there at his/her Christening in the future.

What's so important about having it today anyway? Does he have a good reason for not having it another time apart from not wanting to change plans? Because that's a pretty crap excuse for upsetting a lot of people, including his wife!

callmemrs · 05/02/2012 11:23

I think it's simple really.

Do you want your child baptised because of what it means? If so, then you'll realise that the baptism is the key event, and in fact other people can stand in for the godparents, as someone said earlier.

If on the other hand you want a family occasion, then reschedule.

I'm not being judgemental btw. I am not a Christian and have no strong feelings either way, but I do know from friends who are believers that if it is the baptism which is the key thing, it really doesn't matter who is there

McHappyPants2012 · 05/02/2012 11:27

i could be miles off here, but godparents are chosen for reason imo if i took the time to pick Godparents for what ever reason i couldn't have stand in

PigletUnrepentant · 05/02/2012 11:29

Cancel, if no godparents are there it would be incomplete anyway.

purits · 05/02/2012 11:32

Compromise?
Call off the christening but still have a family get-together (for the locals who can travel) because you have bought the food anyway.

BoringSchoolChoiceNickname · 05/02/2012 11:34

Regardless of whether people can technically stand in for the godparents, I think it's still weird, like sending your agent to take the vows at your wedding.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 05/02/2012 11:36

They're only stand ins for the ceremony. The chosen godparents would still be godparents.

CiderwithBuda · 05/02/2012 11:36

My sis cancelled for the same reason last year. Rescheduled. Cancelled again as she got pneumonia. Christening finally happens almost a year after first one!

Hattie23 · 05/02/2012 11:41

Surely during a baptism a major part is the godparents commiting to care for the dc if anything happens to the parents? I'm guessing the op chose the gp's because they would want to fulfil that role. It's a big ask and not something to agree to lightly.
If one or some of the gp's are not there then I can't see how the ceremony can go ahead.

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