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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is it DH

50 replies

BlueFergie · 04/02/2012 16:28

OK first off DH was in a stinker of a mood this morning he admits this himself. He was more or less keeping a lid on it though albeit with me making an active effort not to get annoyed at his general grousing and muttering as it would have escalated quickly. Just left him to it.
Anyway I was due to go with DD to a friends for lunch. He was keeping the two boys. Ds2 is 4 months and bf so just before I left I went to sit down and feed him. He is a big boy so generally when I feed I sit on a comfy couch with arms to support my arm otherwise it would go dead very quick. Also I always take my iPad so I can mumsnet read intellectual articles in the guardian. There is a pc in the kitchen but it has a chair with no arms so I don't use that anymore since I got the iPad for Christmas.
So I go to find iPad and its not there.
Me: Where's my iPad?
DH: I have it
Me: can I have it please I'm going to feed DS
DH: but I'm using it
Me: you can use the PC instead it's just there
DH: I don't want to why should I. I had it first.
Me: DH it's mine, I need it now, you can use pc

He gave it over with much muttering about how pathetic it was that I was making him, and that it wasn't mine it was ours paid for with our money ( was handed wrapped to me on Xmas morning so not sure how that works). He was not doing anything important btw just surfing net.
Anyway he still pissed off. So WIBU or is he just hanging onto this because he finally has a reason to take his bad mood out on , me.
And before anyone says I know it's a small problem but thankfully I have a very boring life.

OP posts:

nbee84 · 04/02/2012 17:06

But if I was in the middle of reading a mumsnet thread an important news article it would be a pain to have to shift off the ipad, get to the page I wanted and then find the place I was at on the computer - hence the 'can you pass me that when you've finished.

Original poster

BlueFergie · 04/02/2012 17:07

Stripping not stripping obviously! That sort of protest prob would have got me my iPad back easily!

OP posts:

nbee84 · 04/02/2012 17:08

Is this the point where we all shout 'Leave the bastard!'

thirdfromleft · 04/02/2012 17:08

This adds to my theory that iPads are evil.

Original poster

BlueFergie · 04/02/2012 17:09

Aaagh stropping fucking iPad autocorrect!!

OP posts:

AThingInYourLife · 04/02/2012 17:09

"BFing doesn't give you special rights to everything you know."

It most certainly does!

MeltedChocolate · 04/02/2012 17:09

oh shit yeah sorry

Leave the bastard! :o

MeltedChocolate · 04/02/2012 17:11

AThing - I assume this is a joke? If so :o If not

thirdfromleft · 04/02/2012 17:12

AThing

My SIL used the breastfeeding excuse to get out of everything from cooking to carrying her own plate to the kitchen. For 4 years.

RedHotPokers · 04/02/2012 17:16

Agree totally with MeltedChocolate.
Would it have killed you to have read a book or magazine, or even turn the tv on.

However, YANBU to be annoyed that your DH was being generally stroppy.

UhOhJo · 04/02/2012 17:22

You may not be BU to ask (nicely) to use the IPad. But bringing rows to MN and considering showing the posts to DH doesn't seem likely to make the day go better for either of you. He was being an arse on a grumpy day, but if I were you I'd move on.

He did buy you a nice pressie for Xmas after all.

Jux · 04/02/2012 17:26

You see, the iPad is evil! Evil I tells'ee!!! It makes you strip when you want to strop! Better to let him have it...

Original poster

BlueFergie · 04/02/2012 17:28

uhOhJo that was just a joke. DH wouldn't give a shit about what MN has to say about anything.

OP posts:

vezzie · 04/02/2012 17:28

melted and nbee84 - I think people who insist children give up the thing that they are using, which is theirs, because someone else wants it, are wrong. I take your argument on consistency, but you're applying it the wrong way.

Some things are subject to sharing, some things not: eg, you would lend a book on your shelf (assuming you trust the person to give it back, and it is not specially irreplaceable for some reason); but if someone related to the friend of your child, whom you hardly know, came over to your house, generally mistreated things and was rude, had snot crusted all over their upper lip and an obvious smell of poo in their pants, and you were trying to be polite to them because your children had a social engagement, despite the physical revulsion that this person inspired, and then (s)he insisted that you hand over the very book you are reading, with a bookmark in it, which is a new hardback ordered from the US as not published in this country, by your favourite author, and you know they are only asking for it because they can see it is important to you, and they actually don't give a shit about the book itself, and their hands are covered in banana, and you are keeping yourself sane through this entire ordeal by looking forward to the moment when this ape leaves and you can get back to reading it - would you be happy if you were forced to "share"?

This is how we treat our children. Well, I don't. But some people do. Please please please don't start extrapolating this crude, unnuanced notion of "sharing" to adults.

OP YANBU.

AThingInYourLife · 04/02/2012 17:30

thirdfrom - smart lady :)

Lots of blokes use it an excuse for never getting up with their babies in the night.

It's a real gift to the lazy :o

Original poster

BlueFergie · 04/02/2012 17:31

Anyway thanks everyone. We have had a cuddle and kiss. Are going out for a drink tonight with some friends. DS2 has slept through for the last week so i might even have two!

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 04/02/2012 17:34

Exactly vezzie.

And in this house he or she who is feeding the baby (when we had one) gets whatever they want.

Now the baby feeds himself.

Samiantha · 04/02/2012 17:40

Definitely leave the bastard!! Mundane arguments and random selfishness is the stuff of life. My ipad is actually INSCRIBED with 'To Samiantha, on your birthday etc love n platitudes DH'. I have to literally wrench it off him on the rare occasion I want to use it. He's a grumpy bugger in the morning too.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 04/02/2012 17:40

YANBU - he's just being a stropping git.

See though, I can do ^ because I don't have an Ipad

As for sharing it... hmm... I think if something is bought (especially as a present) for one of you, it is yours, not 'ours'. If he wanted a shared iPad you should have got it between you for Christmas. iPads/laptops/cameras/ I feel are really the 'owners' and if someone else wants to use it they should ask and not stop when the 'owner' needs/wants it back.

Besides that, even if it was shared, of course it made sense for him to use the PC so you could sit comfortably and use the iPad while you feed his son. He was being a twat and a rude one at that.

AThingInYourLife · 04/02/2012 17:58

After your two drinks later, you could strop for him as a treat.

OrmIrian · 04/02/2012 18:02

He's BU. But he is in a vile mood and that tends to happen when you are in a vile mood. Unless this happens regularly I'd just let it go.

BTW could you perhaps have done without it just this once?

MeltedChocolate · 04/02/2012 19:53

Vezzie - yes I would hand over the book and would expect any member of my family to do the same. I would be very disappointed if they did not.

nbee84 · 04/02/2012 20:02

vezzie - I think you've deviated quite a bit there

I do agree with your point about some things not being for sharing - but if a child is in the middle of playing with something, then I would presume this is a shared item - I'm not saying jointly owned, but something a child owns that a sibling or friend plays with when not being played with by the owner. If all items given to the child for birthdays/christmas were exclusively theirs then what would there be to share? You would not demand the child to give up the item at once because it wasn't theirs. If they have got their hands on something that is not for sharing then you would take the item away from them nicely before they got involved in playing with it, explaining why. If your child had a doll that was played with by your child a fair bit but sometimes by others, it would be unfair to take it from another child as soon as your child wanted it.

To relate this to the op's case - it seems the ipad is hers but is used by dh occasionally - she hasn't said that she alone is entitled to it and he shouldn't have been on it in the first place (disagree with her dh's comment about it being 'ours') Dh (not snot covered, banana encrusted or in the habit of mistreating items) was already using said ipad - he wasn't insisting that op handed it over to him! You seemed to be saying the opposite.

I just think op could have said 'can I have that when you've finished' and if I'd been op's dh I would finished what I was doing (and not lingered) and handed over her ipad to her.

nbee84 · 04/02/2012 20:08

vezzie - this is not what I was saying either;

" I think people who insist children give up the thing that they are using, which is theirs, because someone else wants it, are wrong. I take your argument on consistency, but you're applying it the wrong way."

I'm definitely not saying that if someone is using something that is theirs they give it up because someone else wants it - I'm saying the opposite - that if some else is using something that belongs to someone else they cannot be expected to get given the item back the instant they want it because it is not theirs.

maddening · 04/02/2012 21:15

but they aren't children and dh moving meant they could both surf - she while unable to participate'in other activities - she may not have fancied a book - no bf does not entitle anyone but at the same time her husband should appreciate what she is doing for their child - which may have been very hard at the outset and will continue to see her up at night while he sleeps free from the responsibility of night feeds etc

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