I know IAabitU but it is bloody annoying

[whackamole]

This weekend is not 'our' weekend with DSS. So far, we have enjoyed sitting around in our pajamas eating biscuits healthy things. Potty training seems to be going well.

DSS mum has just text asking if we mind 'babysitting' him tonight. From 6pm till...whenever she picks him up. She has a party to go to.

I don't mind him coming, far from it, but it's the assumption that it's ok for her to drop him off, not give us a pick up time so he has to stay up all night, meaning we cannot watch the unsuitable box set we were planning on watching. She doesn't want him to stay over in case it snows. She doesn't know what time she will pick him up but as she is pregnant maybe it won't be too late.

Grr - I know it is a bit unreasonable but this party is an engagement party so she has clearly known about it for a while. She never gives us any notice. Luckily for her we don't have social lives I guess!

Sigh I guess we'll be watching Captain America and Lego Star Wars again all night.

This situation is what the word 'No' is for surely

or ask to have him overnight so the poor kid gets to go to bed at normal time.

You can still put him to bed, she can wake him when she picks him up.

How old is he? YANBU, she should give you a time or let dss stay over.

You just have to be firm and say yes he can come but he will have to stay over. If she doesn't like it she can make alternative arrangements

He's 10.

Yeah I know Laurie, but it always seems really churlish to say no to spending time with him! I know OH feels very very guilty if he says no...we have had words before when he has blithely said ok to some arrangement without asking me, only to spring it on me and assume I am ok with an extra child for the day while he is at work!

Does she not give any indication of a time? Is say no, an overnight stay or nothing.

She could have given you much more warning?!

I'd

I want to say you are not being unreasonable.. but in a way you are.

He is part of your family.

I would however be laying a bit more law down and saying "yes, he can come.. but he stays over". Then it isnt as much upheaval for everyone.

I assume she had got a babysitter sorted who has let her down at the last minute perhaps, in which case it isnt unreasonable to ask the childs father to step in.

I don't know why she never gives us any notice. She has been known to say 'I'm coming your way, can I drop him off while I get my haircut' or whatever. We haven't been in so he has to sit with her in a hairdresser for a couple of hours (no great smokes I know) but if she told us even the day before she could have dropped him off and we could've taken him wherever we were.

Have just asked OH to call her to say he should either stay or she will need to give us a concrete picking up time, otherwise we will have to put him to bed anyway.

Squeaky - I totally agree with you, it's not unreasonable at all to ask us to look after him. And we would, and will. It's just the whole thing that she never asks us more than a few hours in advance, and (admittedly this is the only time it has potentially been a late one) she doesn't seem to want to give us a time when she will pick him up.

If she said 11pm - fine at least we know. If she said, could be after midnight, then I would simply say no he must stay. But she is 5 months pregnant so might want to be home by 9. It's just the not knowing which is annoying.

I doubt very much she has a babysitter. She has only just moved into their house so doesn't know anyone locally well enough to ask and she doesn't tend to ask strangers anyway.

Then your husband needs to tell her she has to be more organised. Luckily he is 10 and this situation will not be going on for very much more, as he wont need a babysitter, and will be able to make his own arrangements with you instead of through her.

I know it's difficult to feel dropped on by the ex, but he's growing so quickly now and at 10 years it won't be long before it will be very difficult to get him to spend time with you, so cherish these unexpected moments and save the box set until another time. Let the ex know it's not desirable, but don't let DSS.

She definitely needs to be more organised. She was going to drop him round for 7:30 and tea, so I made enough for one more. Now they are running late and won't be here till 8:30. And they have plans for tomorrow so he can't stay over.

I really hope they are not planning on being out late. I really don't want DSS to have to stay up too late, but I also don't especially want to have to send him to bed then wake him up later. That just seems unfair!