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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DH shouldn't get so drunk.

56 replies

giraffecrossing · 04/02/2012 13:40

So DH came rolling in the door at 6am after a night out with his mate. He was sooooo drunk. Couldn't find the door, struggling to walk etc etc. At one point he was just standing there with his tongue sticking out and it just looked so ugly iykwim. Thankfully he doesn't make a habit of getting in this state (maybe about once a year) but AIBU to feel that it is inappropriate when we have a young child? I don't want LO seeing daddy in that state (luckily didn't). I don't mind the allnighter but just can't understand why he can't stop drinking before he gets in that state. He is definitely old enough to know better lol. To top it all off we were meant to be going to this event today and I'm sure there is no way he'll be up for it.
I just don't want to come off as some nagging wife as he really doesn't go out that much and never normally to such excess. I don't want him to feel I don't want him going out, which is how I feel the conversation went the last time it happened.

OP posts:

elizabecca · 04/02/2012 15:03

I'm divided on this one - I think I'd rather DH went out once every month or so and got drunk rather than going 2-3x a week and always coming home just that half an hour later than he said he would be, blaming everyone but himself for being later, and spoiling dinner that I've cooked.... (but only being tipsy)
I'm never happy with this dilemma though as I guess I wouldn't like it when he'd been out and got drunk as I'd think of what he'd spent in one go with nothing to show for it, when I could do a supermarket shop for the same amount.

Lueji · 04/02/2012 15:11

Yanbu.

I have no tolerance for drunks. That bad or not.

Particularly if they are adults, and parents.

PippiL · 04/02/2012 15:37

I think you are a bit!

I was annoyed when dh vommed all over his shoes and trousers and coat and put them in the wash for me to sort out. But he did accept he did wrong and washed them himself in the end.

Hopefully your dh will wait another year before getting steaming again!

Malificence · 04/02/2012 15:47

YANBU at all - I've never, not once in 30 years, seen DH roaring drunk, I'd lose all respect for him if I did, I think it's vile, horribly drunk people are pathetically sad.
I'm not talking gently merry or a bit soppy, I mean not in control of your faculties, falling over drunk.
Once in a lifetime would be too much for me and I think that children being exposed to adults drinking themselves into oblivion is approaching child abuse.

thirdfromleft · 04/02/2012 15:47

As you can see from the replies, there are some people who think that getting drunk not that often is fine. Others are shocked and horrified if it happens once.

The point is that you and DH need to fall into the same camp, otherwise you are headed to confrontation. If this is seriously important to you, you need to tell him about how you feel. The alternative is living with it.

Personally, I think there is a limit to how much you can control someone and this isn't one of the things I would put in the
'must be controlled' basket. However I do think the method we use to stack the dishwasher does, so horses for courses

SuchProspects · 04/02/2012 16:15

I think getting so drunk that you break an arrangement the nest day is U. And rolling in so drunk you wake your children up is U. And being so drunk you need someone to look out for you in case you vomit in your sleep is something you should probably grow out of before you have kids. Certainly it's not the sort of behaviour you fell in love with him for (I would hope). But I also think something like this happening once a year I would probably chalk up to the general give and take of a relationship and it would only be worth a serious talk if that give and take seemed unbalanced.

Proudnscary · 04/02/2012 16:20

Once a year?!

You are being an unreasonable and rather uptight loon!!!!!

biddysmama · 04/02/2012 16:27

im a terrible wife.. if my dh is going out drinking i insist he sleeps at his (single) brothers house so he doesnt disturb me and the dc's and we dont disturb him, he comes back in the afternoon wen hes sobered up and sorted himself out

Bunbaker · 04/02/2012 16:28

"You are being an unreasonable and rather uptight loon"

So am I then. That kind of behaviour should not be considered normal and acceptable behaviour in an adult with a child. Lots of people do it but that doesn't make it right. Getting drunk is fine. Getting out of control drunk and staying out until 6 am is not. I agree with SuchProspects. I don't behave like that and neither does my husband.
I find it worrying that so many people find this type of behaviour acceptable. Perhaps this is why we have such a binge drinking problem in this country.

Newmummytobe79 · 04/02/2012 16:30

biddysmama - are you being serious? I think most husbands would think you're a wonderful wife for doing that! I know mine would!

He'd think a full nights uninterupted sleep was heaven :)

Proudnscary · 04/02/2012 16:31

What once a year, Bunbaker? Are you for reals?

Good lord.

I'm off out tonight for a friend's 40th and may or may not be able to locate my front door at 6am.

thirdfromleft · 04/02/2012 16:33

Sigh. How many more posts before someone turns this into a class thing?

Bunbaker · 04/02/2012 16:36

Yes. I don't behave like that, neither do my friends. I do drink - I love wine, but I don't like being out of control and hate hangovers even more. I have a more mature different attitude towards drinking from you.

I genuinely don't understand why anyone wants to get so off their head that the next day is a write off.

Bunbaker · 04/02/2012 16:37

What does it have to do with class? People from all classes get drunk.

Newmummytobe79 · 04/02/2012 16:47

I too don't get the class thing?

Rowley Birkin QC has no problem getting 'very very drunk'

I hope OP is planning a nice glass of tonight (aka a bottle)

Proudnscary · 04/02/2012 16:47

Bunbaker - I'd rather have silly attitude to booze then spout Daily Mail staples ('I find it worrying that so many people find this type of behaviour acceptable. Perhaps this is why we have such a binge drinking problem in this country').

Ner ner ner ner ner

Bunbaker · 04/02/2012 17:00

Daily Mail indeed. Pah! . Never read it.

Merry drunk is fine. Off your face drunk isn't. That's all.

alistron1 · 04/02/2012 17:07

YABU. If he was turning up trollied to pick up your kid from school then you'd have a point. But a once a year night out? And having kids doesn't mean that we have to behave perfectly during our kid free adult time. It's not nice for kids to think of us doing lots of things - having sex, swearing etc ... doesn't mean we shouldn't do them because we are parents.

MCT76 · 04/02/2012 17:16

YANBU! I also find drunks pathetic and do not understand why anybody with full use of their mental faculties (that excludes teenagers, of course!) would choose to get smashed to the point where they lose all track of reality. However, having lived in the UK for a long time now, I have come to the conclusion that it seems to be the national pastime, shared by all and sundry regardless of "class", age or social background. I find it quite sad that so many people seem unable to have fun/relax/dance/socialise without being drunk and that "drinking" is listed as a hobby in itself
I'm afraid it's culturally "acceptable" and as such, your DH (like many here) will see nothing wrong with his behaviour so I think you're better off avoiding confrontation if you can provided it doesn't happen too often...I've had similar issues with mine as although we don't have children yet, I feel that I lose respect for him when he overdoes it...he has toned down a lot but still enjoys a few drinks when he wants without getting to the point of no return.
Hope he's making it up to you by now!

georgie22 · 04/02/2012 17:17

giraffecrossing - YANBU in my opinion. It's irresponsible of your dh to get so drunk that he needs you to look after him and ensure he hasn't vomited etc. If you have a young baby you don't need him behaving like an arse. My dh goes out with his mates but has never returned home anything more than a little tipsy since we had dd, and neither have I. Can't see the attraction in missing a day of my life nursing a hangover - been there done that and have no plans to do it at any time in the future. I love wine but drink to enjoy it not to get bladdered.

Bunbaker · 04/02/2012 17:38

Phew! I thought I was the only one with "Daily Mail" views - thank you Proudnscary on binge drinking. Thank you for your post MCT76. Do other nationalities view us as a nation of drunks?

diddl · 04/02/2012 17:47

And if a day out has to be cancelled that´s bloody inconsiderate of him.

And that he has to be checked on because he has been sick-thats´just revolting!

AmazingBouncingFerret · 04/02/2012 17:56

Last week I got in at 9am Sunday Morning!

In my defence I was not vomiting, I could still walk and I wasnt imagining any doors.

Original poster

giraffecrossing · 04/02/2012 23:21

No alistron, having kids doesn't mean you have to behave perfectly. I'm not looking for perfection. I couldn't give a toss if he gets drunk, I was just questioning the extent. And getting that drunk isn't just about "kid free adult time". We have just spent the day without him at what was meant to be a family outing, so it does affect his kid.

Oh and he doesn't go out only once a year! Just saying that he doesn't always get so drunk. But actually now that I think about it the last time was just in the summer... so a couple of times a year maybe. That's not really the point.
Anyway, the door thing will give me plenty of piss taking ammunition for years to come. :o

OP posts:

Lueji · 05/02/2012 01:55

Do other nationalities view us as a nation of drunks?

I'm afraid yes.

Most other drinking nations do it during meals or within reason in the evening. No culture of several rounds, or pub crawling really.

I can't see how it can be considered a good time, if people can't remember it... and get a huge hangover the next day. Seriously?! What's good about it?

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