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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More of a would I be mad?!

15 replies

BBisBBack · 04/02/2012 11:33

Okey dokey here goes. DP and I have been together 8 yrs enaged for 1 year, we have one DC and fertility troubles so ttc number 2 has been ongoing for a while. We have no money for the big wedding and im not even sure thats what I want if we could.Last year was not ideal for us but we have gotten past it and its broughtbus closer. So.... Given its a leap year would i be tacky and insane to arrange a surprise wedding? This would mean everyone being in on it but also would mean that alot of the more distant family wouldnt be invited? Altho we would have a big party after? As in weeks after not days? Would also mean some colluding with inlaws and my mum but all in all im actually super up for it... I think?! Best friend has a dress i can wear would rent dp a nice suit, and ds. Other than that flowers etc are all doable ... Someone talk sense is it romantic as the notion in my head or is it tacky?!

OP posts:
ScoutJemAndBoo · 04/02/2012 11:36

Sounds lovely, if you are sure he wouldn't feel left out.

SecretMinceRinser · 04/02/2012 11:39

The only thing I would say is be sure that he actually does want to marry so soon and wasn't planning on mulling it over during a very long engagement.
If you are sure he would love it then it's a great idea.

EllenandBump · 04/02/2012 11:40

You know what its your wedding! NO ONE ELSES, who gives a toss what other people think, go for it. Bottom line is that no matter how many or few people you have at the wedding or how much money you spend on it, it doesnt necessarily mean that the marriage will work out, the day is about the two of you. If you love each other getting married in a registry office, in jeans and a t shirt, with two witnesses dragged off the street wouldnt matter. I got married in a registry office and my marriage lasted 6 year, my old teacher had a really big wedding costing in excess of £30,000, god knows how she afforded it, but they were seperated within the year! Honestly GO FOR IT!

Original poster
BBisBBack · 04/02/2012 11:56

He has always said that you tell me where and when and i'll be there so i dont think he would be too concerned?! I have big nerves about getting it to come off but i think he would love it?! And i dont feel like a big day is for us?!

OP posts:
littlemissnormal · 05/02/2012 12:10

Do it!!!

SydSaid · 05/02/2012 12:13

Well, if he says 'just tell me where and when' then I don't think you have anything to worry about - go for it!

TheProvincialLady · 05/02/2012 12:13

Is it even possible? I thought you had to register so many weeks in advance and show evidence etc?

ZillionChocolate · 05/02/2012 12:15

Surprise to who? If you mean a surprise to the groom, I don't know whether that's possible. Normally you have to go and see a registrar to give notice.

I think a wedding a short notice, within a modest budget is a good idea. Can't see how planning on a long engagement is really consistent with having a child and trying for another.

ZillionChocolate · 05/02/2012 12:15

Just seen what he says. Go for it!

SydSaid · 05/02/2012 12:16

You could always elope to gretna green, and not tell anyone at all!

AThingInYourLife · 05/02/2012 12:19

"You know what its your wedding! NO ONE ELSES, "

Um, it's also his wedding, and this plan gives him no say in it.

OP, you know him - does he like surprises?

I can't express adequately how much I would have hated a surprise wedding, but people are different.

"He has always said that you tell me where and when and i'll be there"

:o not quite what you're planning though, is it?

Original poster
BBisBBack · 05/02/2012 12:20

MIL poopooed it so did some digging not possible to do it for feb.. BitSad but dp and i have been talking and are both happy to bring plans forward, never particularly planned on a long engagement more that we both felt financially there are alot more important things (buying property clearing debt) and having a dc dont have spare money at all! Dp did say that it was a sweet idea and reminds him why we are together Grin so he obviously got the sentiment! Im
Hoping MIL will offer financial help as if not it will remain a pipe dream for a while

OP posts:
domesticdiva · 05/02/2012 12:21

Sounds romantic, but unsure whether its actually doable since you have to register the marriage beforehand see
www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Registeringlifeevents/Marriagesandcivilpartnerships/DG_175715

TidyDancer · 05/02/2012 12:37

Sorry to rain on your parade, but there's no bloody way I would do this, and I would be seriously pissed if DP did this to me. I would hate it.

If you are absolutely 100% sure DP will like it, go ahead. But really, I wouldn't.

AThingInYourLife · 05/02/2012 12:53

"Dp did say that it was a sweet idea and reminds him why we are together"

:) Awwwwwww

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