To be a little upset that dd1's teacher never gives her a part in the monthly assemely?

[Marne]

I'm sure i will get flamed and i'm not a pushy mum, dd1 is getting very upset because to her its a huge deal.

d1 started a new school last september, she has struggled a little to settle in as she has Aspergers (plus a few other issues) but accademicly she is doing great. She struggles a little socialy but the one thing she loves is reading out loud to the class and talking in a group.

Today i went to her monthly assebely (they do this once a month so parent can come and watch each class do a little proformance), dd1 went into school upset and she aproached the teacher herself to say 'why can i not have a talking part', i explained to her 'that maybe next time she will and not everyone can have a part'. So i go to watch and every child appart from dd1 had something to say, dd1 had to hold up a picture with another child and the other child had to read a small part, dd1 started to read it with him and the teacher told her to 'shh' , dd1's friend had some words to say but was so shy she started crying, so why make that poor child speak when she clearly didn't want to but dd1 (who is very willing) was not allowed?

I found her teacher very rude, she stopped several children whilst in mid flow of their words and mae them repeat there words correctly or louder, it was painful to watch. poor dd1 looked so upset, she puts herself forward for everything when it comes to talking ,reading and singing but always gets turned away.

AIBU to be a bit upset for dd1?

may be worth a quiet private word with the teacher?

Wont they think i'm being pushy? DD1 got upset at christmas because she wanted to sing a solo but i just brushed it off as d is not a great singer but this is the 4th or 5th time she has not been given anything to say.

The teacher did the right thing telling your dd to shh if she was trying to join in with someone else's words, I don't think you can have a problem with that.

It's clearly upsetting your dd that she hasn't had a turn, and her teacher should know the extent of that. You should have a word with her.

I would go and say to the teacher 'DD is so excited about getting a speaking part in one of the assemblies. Can she get a turn next time? It's all she talks about!' If there's any 'well, everyone has to wait their turn' guff, stay pleasant but say 'Oh, I've been to lots of them now and as far as I can see everyone's had a turn'. If nothing comes of it you need to speak to a different teacher.

Did your DD actually ask the teacher about having a speaking part or did you persuade her to wait and see? Couldn't be sure from what you said.

Thanks IUse, i know dd shouldn't have read the words but when the words are being held infront of you and the other child hesatates it must be tempting to read them .

We have had a few other issues with her being left out of things too, they are only small things but to dd1 they are huge, such as the fact every new child that comes to the school gets a award after there first week, dd1 never got one, her sister got one and this really upset dd1. Maybe her teacher thinks because she has Aspergers she wont want to be in the lime light (i don't know), her teacher is the school SENCO and i thought she would understand dd a little. Dd1 nees quite a lot of praise or she will give up altogether or shut down.

Eighties, dd1 asks for the speaking parts as soon as she knows they are doing an assembely. I was with her today when she asked the teacher 'why she couln't have a speaking part', i think the teacher could see that i was gently trying to calm dd1 down whilst being slightly anoyed and i said 'maybe next time' whilst looking at the teacher and grining (hopfully she got the hint).

In that case, I'd go to the teacher and say directly that you would like DD to have a speaking part next time, as it means a lot to her, and she has asked repeatedly already. Watch her reaction very carefully and if you don't feel right about it, I would go and speak to the head. Not right for a child to be left out of something like this, even with 'good intentions'. How did the teacher respond when your DD asked her today? Did she say anything after you chipped in with 'maybe next time'?

The teacher just muttered something like 'maybe next time' (she speaks very fast) and then shooed her away (changed the subject and told her to get ready for the first lesson), she does this a lot when i try to aproach her about anything (just says 'oh yes thats fine' and changes the subject), i have to speak to her quite often as she is SENCO and she does a lot for dd2 as well as dd1. I think i will mention it as dd1 is upset as she feels left out. At her old school she often had the main roll in things as she was a good reader and enjoyed being in the lime light.

Pushy, smushy. If you don't stand up for your DD, who will?? I would write to the teacher, copy to the headteacher and point out that you believe that your daughter is being discriminated against and say what you have told us here.

I can understand it if she had been left out once or twice or was painfully shy and the teacher thought she was doing her a favour by leaving her out. But she wants to participate and the teacher should give her a part that is comparable to what other children are being given. Unfair.

My son has been left out of things at school before and I have complained verbally (teacher is nice, don't think exclusion was deliberate). Sad thing is, some children are allowed to take over class events and are given the starring role in everything and other children are just expected to take a back seat. I think this sort of thing impacts on their confidence and expectations throughout the rest of their lives and needs to be stamped out. Every child matters (or so they say)

Really, you need to have a quiet word with the teacher.

My nephew noticed that his extremely bright DS was constantly saying that his teacher didn't like him and gave examples of why he thought this way.

DN made appointment with teacher and explained that DS felt that teacher didn't like him and what should they do about it.

To the teacher's credit she did admit that DS did annoy her slightly and she would work with him and would try to work out in her own mind why she had taken a dislike to him.

Maybe a similar thing has happened here. I have a family full of teachers and a lot of them have an aversion to so called "needy" children.

I will go and have a word next week, it is effecting her confidence, last term she came home and said 'we were told to work in groups of 3 but no one wanted to work with her so she worked on a table by herself' ,dh and i went in and spoke to the teacher and she told us that it was not true and dd1 is really popular and has people fighting to work with her (this is not true, dd1 only has 2 friends and they are not close friends so often choose not to work with her), she told us she would try harder to make sure she was included.

Definitely have a word. And be direct. As I said in my first post on the thread, I would ask straight out for her to have a part in the next one so that there can be no misunderstanding. And I would speak to the head if you get a response that is in any way equivocal (any 'we'll see') Ask the teacher to be very clear ('so she will definitely get a part next time, is that right?')