AIB unreasonable, hormonally irrational due to pregnancy, simply irrational or reasonable?

[Rhinestone]

Currently pregnant with DC1.

We had decided to mainly keep it secret until 12 weeks, just told a few very close friends. We have these other friends, a gay (women) couple and I only mention their sexuality to explain that they have no DC in case it's relevant to them being a bit insensitive, not because I give two hoots about it.

Anyway, they actually guessed that I was pregnant very early on and outright asked DH about it who can't lie to save his life and he admitted that I was but asked them to keep it to themselves and also to not make any further mention of it until we 'officially' said everything was ok. He told me of course and I spoke to them that same night, thanked them for their congratulations etc and reiterated that it was very early, we hadn't planned on telling anyone and please to not mention it again until we gave the go-ahead in a couple of months as we didn't want to talk about it. Tbh, I was a bit annoyed that they asked DH outright.

Well, thereafter every time I saw them or spoke to them they would ask about it! We again would say it was very early and we didn't want to talk about etc but they wouldn't take the hint and nothing improved. I did get quite annoyed, albeit privately.

However since it's been official I have found out that they told at least one other mutual friend BEFORE we announced it.

So am I being unreasonable to be pretty annoyed about this? We didn't tell them - they guessed and were rude enough to ask about it. And then they ignored our wishes and kept mentioning and told at least one other person. They're good friends but this has really affected my view of them.

AIBU, hormonal or am I right to be annoyed?

There are times when you can break the 'sworn to secrecy' rule, and they would be on a scale from someone being in danger to a close friend/relative who you're prepared to suffer any consequences of breaking your word because you think it's in their best interests to know.

This is neither.

It's probably not enough to say something to them or let it 'ruin' the first weeks of your pregnancy (which are fucking hard enough as it is), but it's not something you can unlearn about how trustworthy they are.

They shouldn't have told, but you have better things to worry about.

I told my mum when I was 7 weeks, because I wanted to tell her in person, and I don't see her very often, I had a mc just before this one was conceived, so I was very nervous about it. She told all my brothers and sisters "for me" the following week. It's not the end of the world though, I still have a baby on the way, I suppose it saved my phone bill.

YANBU. If you ask someone not to tell a secret, they shouldn't tell. They might not think it was worth keeping private but you obviously did, so they should have respected your wishes.

YANBU there is a good reason people don't talk about pregnancy before 12 weeks and sometimes later. If you have a miscarriage you will then have to tell everyone who knew you were pregnant. Many people may not know that but if you make it clear you don't want to talk about it and don't want them to tell anyone, they should respect that, especially if you have said it is "in case of problems". I have had two MCs and the first one was horrible as I had told lots of people already and had to tell them all, or have a conversation where they asked how it was going and I had to tell them it, well, wasn't anymore. The second time DH and I told no one, and while we eventually told people after the MC that I had had one, it was far less upsetting because we could tell them in our own time (rather than having to ring round and explain before anyone mentioned the pregnancy, which would have made me dissolve into tears for a while after the MC). I'm now 7 weeks pregnant again and no one knows except DH for that reason again.

Even worse if you hadn't found out about them telling your friend in the military, and she had seen you and asked about the pregnancy if it had gone wrong.

YANBU, they broke a confidence.

No, it won't be important in a few months time, but you will still know that you can't trust them and that will reach much further than them not keeping their traps shut.

Agree with others that the gender and relationship is largely irrelevant.

Oh, and a friend of mine told me at 9 weeks. I didn't even tell dp until she gave me the go ahead.

No, YANBU. It was not their news to tell and in view of the fact that you expressly asked them not to tell anyone, that is even worse! I have one DD and when I am next pregnant, we will keep it fairly secret until after 12 week scan due to worries about mc.