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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To write to ds2's teacher about this?

14 replies

hiddenhome · 03/02/2012 10:05

ds2 is 7 and one of his friends has been pulling his ears and twisting his wrists for the last few weeks. She's quite a big girl and looks strong. She also does karate. She fights a lot with her brother.

ds2 also does karate and, last week, his karate teacher instructed him how to get out of her wrist grip. He practised it over the weekend and was a dab hand at it.

When he returned to school he did manage to get out of the wrist grip, but now, she's started pulling his fingers and twisting them and it really hurts him. He's a gentle, caring boy and isn't the type to fight back or hurt her, so I wrote to the teacher to ask her to stop this girl from twisting and pulling ds2.

Does this sound reasonable or am I just making a fuss? I worry that she dislocates one of his fingers or something I'm not a pfb type person just concerned.

OP posts:

CailinDana · 03/02/2012 10:07

God no YANBU at all. That girl needs a stern talking to. She might be doing it for fun, fair enough, but she could really hurt someone.

fuzzpig · 03/02/2012 10:07

Of course YANBU, she is old enough to know you don't hurt people!

Wouldn't approaching the teacher in person be a better first move though?

oldraver · 03/02/2012 10:08

This is not a PFB moment. I would actually go into school as this is not on at all, she needs to be stopped immediately from being physical. Its bullying pure and simple

aldiwhore · 03/02/2012 10:09

I would talk to the leaders at the Karate club. They should not be very impressed with the girl's behaviour because a key part of martial arts is control, and should never be used to bully/intimidate/hurt people for no reason.

If they don't share the same club, approach the one where this girl goes, your leader should be able to help with that.

Have a gentle word with her parents as well if you can, be passive to start with, then get more demanding depending on their response.

Speaking with the headteacher so they are aware is also a good idea.

Callisto · 03/02/2012 10:10

Why on earth have you let this go on so long? I would have been in to see DD's teacher after the first time if this had happened to her. And why write a letter? Go in a put a stop to it fgs.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 03/02/2012 10:11

yes contact school. and good point aldi about contacting karate instructor.

WorraLiberty · 03/02/2012 10:11

It sounds to me as though they are practising their Karate on each other

The Karate teacher should be drumming it into them that this is a no-no.

Original poster

hiddenhome · 03/02/2012 10:12

Okay thanks I didn't approach the teacher because I was going to work and dh was taking him in and he didn't have time to speak to her. I thought a quite note would be okay. We'll speak to her next week. I don't feel comfy approaching her parents because we don't know them at all and they might kick off or something.

OP posts:

zipzap · 03/02/2012 10:20

I would be speaking to the teacher quite strongly about this.

Would probably hope the girl would be spoken to - might be tricky to punish in hindsight but certainly she would be made aware that if she did it again she would be punished as a repeat offence.

I would also want an agreed process for my ds if she does do this again - so that he felt happy that if it happens again he knows what to do and that he will be believed and won't get into trouble for reporting the incident.

Might also be an opportunity to find out exactly what the school bullying policies are and introduce some new better ones if needs be.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 03/02/2012 10:22

Agree with aldi.
My DS does karate and they are always told (unless they are literally fighting to defend themselves) it stays in the dojo (I know I've spelt that wrong)

Sapphirefling · 03/02/2012 10:22

I wouldn't be writing - I would be going into school today and speaking to the teacher face to face.
And if it doesn't stop TODAY, then I'd be going back in on Monday...

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 03/02/2012 10:23

If you don't stick up for your son, who will? You HAVE to help him in this case. So you have every right to go in, guns blazing to make sure this girl stops hurting him.

zipzap · 03/02/2012 10:25

Oops. Massive x post with everybody as got waylaid ds2. If you can't get into school to speak to them I would give them a call and talk it through with them.

Pixieonthemoor · 03/02/2012 10:33

Goodness no, don't think for a minute that you are being U or pfb. Poor little chap! Good luck with going in in person - I do think this is the way to go and I would second also talking to the head so that the person at the very top is aware of the situ. This girl needs taking in hand - she is picking on your son as she has cleverly deduced that he is not the sort to hurt her back. Nasty behaviour.

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