My sister is pissed out of her head , I'm annoyed should I be

[CreamolaFoamless]

This is a vent post

I am so angry that my sister is drunk just now

They are going to lose their house.

I just wish I could make it better for her and kick her husband into touch

I'm pretty sure from past post (er, about an ice cream van) that you're in my area, in which case you and your sister can use this service: www.nedac.co.uk/services.htm which has a drop in for advice etc. They should be able to get you a referral to something decent where they can keep an eye on her? Her husband too if he's prepared to but sounds like he's being an arse about it (I know it is hard for him but ffs she has depression which is an actual physical illness, she needs help not being told she's best off dead).

I just don't 'get' why he is being so nasty

It's almost like his income source has dried up so he is blaming her?

He is a secret drinker....has been for years apparnently but none of us knew about it until recently when my sister spilled her guts

He ended up covered bruises with a broken face in October last year and had to get an ambulance out and spent a day in hospital

He 'implies' that my sister caused it and she was questioned by the police , but the reality is he was either drunk and fell over or he was indeed a victim of a random break in where they came in the house and beat him up!

Which is what he told the ambulance people and the police

Blame is the wrong word, but cremola imagine yourself in his position.

He is presumably the main childcare provider and the main breadwinner, has lost their job due to alcohol misuse, drastically reducing the household income and sending them into such a spiral of debt that they are in danger of losing the home, along with coping with fallout from your sister's drunken antics. The stuff about him being a 'secret drinker' I would take with a pinch of salt, it may be your sister's way of rationalising/normalising her own behaviour.

You admit in your post to being cross with your sister, but expect him to have the patience of a saint when dealing with this 24/7?

i feel quite sorry for this woman, you say she has only been like this for 18 months, during which time she has had a hystorectomy (sp) and depression, maybe she is self medicating with the booze and just needs a little kindness? she sounds totally down, her dh is being an unsupportive arse (why cant he go an earn more if the house is that important to him?) how about trying to get her some real practical help instead of getting so angry? and in my book, if someone whose behaviour has been pretty 'normal' over the course of a relationship suddenly starts drinking too much, talking of sucide etc then surely thats when a partner steps up?

no

he is a wet blanket

since I've known him he has has had 'careers' in blood tranfusion, being unempolyed , getting my sister to fund and support him through a marine biology universty degee ....which nothing happened with

She gave up her job due to depression ... the drinking started after that

It makes alot of sense now that he is a 'secret drinker ' because I don't drive and often on days like Christmas where we would need two cars to ferry everyone around there was always an excuse regaring why he couldn't drive

Do they have chldren?

yes one girl

she is 20 ......and BIL has turned her againest her mum (my sisster)

he sounds a chamer, no wonder the poor woman drinks!

she is not the type of person to drink because she's pissed off with her man

She never drank ...a snowball once a year was her limit

It would annoy me if it comes to light her DH#s treament and attitude towards her is contributing to the drinking

Google "drug and alcohol services Edinburgh" Creamy

thanks *KatieScarett8

i contacted social services about to see if they could help but their response was she has to be under 18 , or over 60 for us to get involved

Sorry to say this but if the genders were reversed different inferences would be made. He had bruises on his face and lied about them. The Police were called. He seems disproportionally angry with her behaviour. Her drinking is out of control. She has started telling people that is a drinker. Men can be victims of domestic violence too, frequently when there is alcohol involved.

Just be very careful. She is your sister and your first loyalty is to her but addicts lie. That might mean she, he or both are lying to you and I guarantee you are not getting the whole story.

NHS rehab is a good option but places are few and far between. i suggest you check out Al-Anon for family of addicts.

Id say there is more here than meets the eye, you don't have to live with your sister and really only know what she tells you, she is a depressive and an alcoholic, they actually don't tell the truth much. Id say back off out of it and leave them to it.

wow , I've read read the last responses which have helped a little because it shows how someone not involved in the situtation may perceive matters.

I would say though that I do get the truth out my sister. She is ashamed and embaressed but would never lie about her behaviour.

My BIL on the other hand is a different kettle of fish , he has developed a nasty streak , and when I say nasty , I mean nasty ...not physical , just turning everyone againest her and gaining sympathy for himself.

Thank you so much to the posters who posted and pm'd about the services that might help her. I have contacted them all and there does look like one is keen to help her . Thank you xx

Glad you're back. I am reiterating the suggestion to Check out Al-Anon. If they are both problem drinkers it is a very complex and entrenched problem which you may need help to deal with emotionally as well as practically.

oh yeah I do but not through al-anon

I did two meetings there and it wasn't for me

I won't go in to exactly why , but it wasn't right for me personally.

I know it might help others though

OK, just make really sure you are getting support. It is hard to deal with people with addictions, they can be really manipulative (as you are finding with BIL).

thank you *Mrs Terry Parchatt" have you had experience of this too?

If you live in or near a town, there will probably be more than one Al-Anon meeting available, same help but different personalities, and I do recommend the help for all of you, including your niece, before situation worsens.

yes it is difficult when a member of your family is going through it.

But Al-Anon is not a solution for me

I'll tell you why

they tried to make me feel that I was hard done by and 'oh it must be so difficult to try and help your sister, come here and bitch about how she is destroying your life'

I didn't like the set-up , I don't agree with their principals ...I also think AA is a dangerous crock of shit

I know AA is often flagged as the way for alcoholic's to go ......but it is a destructive cult

In My Opinion

I've worked in rehab, dry houses and with people with addictions for years. Also have a couple of people in the family with alcohol problems so I've seen it from both sides. The great thing about AA and Al-Anon is that it is normal people all in it together. However, that can be the bad thing about it too. If the group has a couple of strong personalities that flavours the meetings. AA is one of the ways alcoholics can go and a huge number of people are alive today and healthy because of them. I find some aspects difficult (higher power worries me) but it works for a great deal of people. Not everyone. Some AA groups have been really bad but then any organisation has bad apples.

yes the higher power thing

what is that all about ?