Birthday parties

[mrsmcv]

God, argh, bloody parties. Every weekend another party and poor dd aged 5 never gets invited and cries every other week because she's been left out. Is same group of kids at every one, and same small minority left out.

What have they done wrong? What have we done wrong? We had birthday party last year and invited everyone in the class because I personally couldn't stand to leave any child out. Am I just too soft?

Do you know what? The birthday party thing is just no fun.

It all works out in the end, once the clique of mummies has to give way to the wishes of the children.

I must say, that throwing a whole class party gives the impression of parents with too much money and too little time on their hands to get a feeling for who their children know. It says a lot more to me about my DCs' friendship if they're part of a much smaller party.

Everyone can feel somewhat side-lined from time to time, but you should start to make an effort for your DD to invite some friends home to play.

We sort of GA e the oposote problem which whilst not as sad as the pain of knowing your kid is excluded, it is annoying. Our kids get invited to lots of parties, almost all at chuckee cheese. It is half an hour away and kids of all ages love it, it would be cruel to tell our other two kids that they couldn't go and we can't just drop off, we have to stay. So nearly every weekend we find ourselves going to the hellish place, ordering the obligatory pizza and play tokens for the rides, and staying until the party ends. It is a miserable waste of two hours and expensive too. I wish the parents did small home based parties here. Gifts are expected to cost about $20 too... my son was given a $50 transformer in a $6 gift bag last year. It is crazy.

My Mum's friend says at her grandson's school the school insist that the whole class is invited to any parties.

How??

What children and parents do outside of school hours is not the school's business.

Unless you mean they refuse to hand out invitations on behalf of the child if the whole class isn't invited??

Schools cannot insist that parents have whole class parties, they simply do not have the authority to do that. They could say that they don't want children giving out invitations at school, but even then I don't see how they could police it.

A school that actually cares about the feelings of the children should ask that invitations should be handed to the teacher so that they can put the invites in the correct book bags, but when some parents can't be bothered to send their child in with a book bag every day, I can see that being difficult too.

On the plus side, by the time they get to around year 4 or so...there are less and less parties.

I think they either grow out of them by then, or twig that if they just have a couple of friends around...Mum and Dad will have more money to spend on their present

We (both children and parents) are not allowed to distribute party invites on school premises, the only acceptable thing to do is post or e-mail them. Obviously this is only possible because we have year group contact lists but it is a system that really does reduce the angst.

I know kids need to learn they can't be invited to every party, and they all do realize that eventually, but it's horrible to see young children upset when it can easily be avoided.

The school insists you ask the whole class??!! I hope they're bloody paying then!!! Ridiculous. It's a shame that they. Bothered to come to your dd's party, but not reciprocate, BUT I hate this sort of wounded 'why me' behaviour. Cliques aren't nice, but it's a fact. You get over it.

I remember DS1 at his last nursery did not get an invite to one of the boy's 4th birthday party but I did not feel hurt, nor did he about not getting an invite. I knew the mum did not have much money and she only invited 3 or 4 of the children her boy talked about the most and so that was the number of children she had for her son's birthday party. I completely understand that many parents would love to invite more children and in an ideal world, possibly the whole class, but really who on earth can afford to invite a whole class these days? Money is tight for many of us out there. I know it's hard OP but please try not to take things the wrong way, because then your DD is going to copy your reaction to all of this. It's probably nothing personal. Without a doubt if we do go down the 'birthday party' route this year for the very first time with DS1 who will turn 5 in a few month's time then we are no doubt going to offend someone at his nursery because we cannot afford to invite a whole class. You can't win!