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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse to allow my 13 year old to go to an all-night party?

48 replies

lesley2460 · 02/02/2012 09:19

DD nearly 14 wanting to go to party this Saturday night - no adults present at all, all night!! Oldest there will be 15. They have broadcast this party publicly on Facebook too! Think it's the biggest recipe for disaster I have ever heard of but apparently 'everyone' is going. Are all parents raving mad?

OP posts:

Original poster

lesley2460 · 02/02/2012 09:39

StrandedBear - yes, all of the above, plus if any of them get so badly drunk or high they need an ambulance (hardly unheard of) there will be no adults there to help, fire risk from unattended cigarettes ... the list goes on and on ....

OP posts:

mrsjay · 02/02/2012 09:39

Its not even late its all night ,

dandelionss · 02/02/2012 09:40

Nope.I don't let my 16 yo DS go to non-supervised parties - not that he wants to.When he is 18 he can make his own mind up. but not before.

A friend left her DD 15 to stay with GPs whilst she went on holiday.The DD told her GPs she was going to stay with a friend overnight, but was actually having a party at her home.They caused £70k of damage and the insurance wouldn't pay out because it was done by people she had let into the house

StickAForkInMeImDone · 02/02/2012 09:40

In the words of Zammo - Just say No

sparkle12mar08 · 02/02/2012 09:41

Frankly I'd ring the local non-emergency police number and ask for advice, because leaving that number of children alone at those ages for that amount of time is a recipe for disaster, especially when it's been broadcast on FB. I would be very concerned at the intelligence and ability of the parents to parent properly. No one in their right mind would do that with no adult present at all.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 02/02/2012 09:42

They must have taken leave of their senses. I was going to describe the same sort of thing as aldiwhore, so won't repeat.
Just add broken windows, doors ripped off , stolen jewellery, pools of vomit and trashed garden.
I didn't allow my kids to got to anything like this and by the time they were old enough to make their own decisions, they had heard enough horror stories from friends to stay well away AND not dream of arranging anything similar at our house.

StrandedBear · 02/02/2012 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheresASpareChairOverThere · 02/02/2012 09:44

No, YANBU. I pushed to stay out a lot as a teen but the fact I had to get home kept me safe. The one time I lied to my parents and said I was staying out at a mates, but actually going to a party with a much older group, they fortunately found out and came and rescued me from a dodgy situation.

I know it is hard to say no, I used to be very angry at the time but when I look back I truly thank my parents for being a bit strict. I have issues with my parents on other matters but they showed me how much they cared by preventing me getting into terrible pickles.

Of course I got into scrapes when older too, but I was simply too young at 13/14 to cope with the things I thought I could.

AMumInScotland · 02/02/2012 09:48

Wasn't there a chap prosecuted recently for leaving a bunch of teens alone in the house and something happened? Can't remember if one died, or just had to go off in an ambulance or quite what... The parents are utterly daft. And no way would I have allowed DS to go at that age.

You can soften it by assuring her that it's not that you doubt her behaviour, but that there will be people there she (and you) don't know, and older friends of friends could come along, possibly drunk, and that there could be situations which you don't think she is yet ready to have to deal with. Because other people are not as sensible as her.

blameitonthecaffeine · 02/02/2012 09:48

YANBU!

I would let my 13 year old go to an all night party. I would NOT let her go to one where there would be no adults in the house nor one that had been advertised on facebook - let alone both!

Maryz · 02/02/2012 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsjay · 02/02/2012 09:51

My eldest dd has been to parties not at 13 but 16/17 and its been a disaster she never wanted to stay though and would always come home sober but , i have heard houses trashed gate crashers people being sick everywhere , stomachs pumped , [shocked].

mumeeee · 02/02/2012 09:59

YANBU. 13 is way to young to go to
an all night party without adult supervision. I wouldn't even be happy for a 16 year old to go to one. Especially one that had been advertised on Facebook. Are the parents actually going out all night? Or will they be upstairs and just out if sight?

Original poster

lesley2460 · 02/02/2012 10:00

From what I gather they are going to be out and not returning until the party has ended :0

OP posts:

mrsjay · 02/02/2012 10:03

is itr a 14 yr olds party so they are leaving a houseful of young teens alone all night , nah i would tell your child not in this lifetime , or let them go and pick up at a reasonable time ,

aldiwhore · 02/02/2012 10:03

Strandedbear its not just a case of trusting the child, though I see your point. For me its more about what they'll get caught up in, the OP's DC maybe be sensible, may not drink, take drugs, have sex or trash the place, but by being there, if it goes horribly wrong its a very vunerable situation to be in.

I ended up with a gash on my arm after one arsehole started throwing glasses about the place, my clothes had burn holes in them from other people, etc etc

Trusting your own child is a nice place to be, but no one can trust every other child present.

EnjoyResponsibly · 02/02/2012 10:08

No way.

It's the FB part and parents abject stupidity naivety that would raise red flags.

Do you want the Daily Mail's number now, they can start prepping Mondays headline

Archemedes · 02/02/2012 10:09

I wouldn't let mine go at that age,

However its a difficult one I was at house parties at that age, people got drunk yes but maybe one , 2 people having 'relations' at most it wasn't like one massive orgy even with older lads there.

OhTheConfusion · 02/02/2012 11:51

I would call the school and the local police station today. That gives them 48hrs to deal with this. As a previous poster mentioned she would be up to her neck in it if she allowed her foster child to attend, why should that be different for any other parent?

MothershipG · 02/02/2012 12:43

Think you've been given a pretty unanimous YA definitely NBU!

Just wanted to add I know one (super lovely, hardworking, intelligent) lad that ended up in A&E having his stomach pumped and Social Services round his house to follow up after a party like this and another even sadder case of a lovely youngster getting raped.

You know you've made the right decision.

VoteBorris2020 · 06/09/2020 00:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

corythatwas · 06/09/2020 01:04

Certainly not.

CitizenFame · 06/09/2020 01:11

@VoteBorris2020
Jeez yes, let them do there shit woman and stop freaking out, saying they cant go will just mean they will sneek out and go amyway

I’m sure this was helpful... over eight years later 🙄

...Although I’m now curious as to what the outcome was. You still here OP!?

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