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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fedup :(

12 replies

Ladypunk · 01/02/2012 19:41

Hello Everyone...

I just thought I'd post on here, asking for some general advice really.

I had my baby not long ago, and she is one of the lovelyiest things ever!

Thing is, I'm having a few problems, such as:

a) Work. I had discussed my return to work proposal with my boss and... it went down terribly. If anything, I think they were trying to talk me out of coming back! So...

b) This means I have to find another job - daunting, considering I have a new baby and no family to help me.

c) Childcare. How can I know what to look for if I don't know what my needs are, due to my work situation? How can I know what it will be?

I'm in such a pickle about all this - has anyone had anything similar happen to them? What happened?

No way can I not work, I can't afford it, but at the same time I find childcare so soon heartbreaking... the thought of starting at a new place with my little one in nursery...

Anyway, whinge over - does anyone have any tips?

Thanks in advance.

xxx

OP posts:

raspberrytipple · 01/02/2012 19:52

I'm pretty sure your work cannot force you out, you have a legal right to return to the job which you left or a suitable alternative at the same rate of pay. If you think this is genuinely happening can you speak to somewhere like the CAB to get some advice?

MrsWuh · 01/02/2012 19:53

You have lots of rights regarding going back to work after having a baby - your employer can't just 'talk you out of going back'. Don't do anything rash like resigning - talk to your local Citizens' Advice Bureau and get some advice!

Good luck.

pinkcactus · 01/02/2012 19:54

... or the labour relations agency?

PopcornBiscuit · 01/02/2012 19:57

... or your union?

sunshineandbooks · 01/02/2012 20:04

Are you sure they weren't just trying to make sure you weren't coming back too soon? If you are, then I second getting union/HR help to stick up for your rights, though once you've won that war you would probably want to move anyway to a company that has a more enlightened approach to women and maternity leave.

I had qualms about using a nursery so I chose a CM. Like you I have no family to help and a full-time job to cover. I put a lot of effort into finding the right CM but I eventually chose a wonderful woman who is very definitely a true friend of the family and who will continue to be a part of our lives long after her professional skills are no longer required. A CM is completely different to nursery. If you choose the right one she or he will mirror the approach you adopt at home and create complete consistency for your child. You could also consider a nanny if you think you can afford it, though if you're going to be relying on tax credits to help fund this a CM is probably your better option.

Good luck.

Busyoldfool · 01/02/2012 20:42

Agree with others - don't think they can force you out so if you are happy there/ like the job try againa to find a set up that suits you. Re Childcare, I did the same as Sunshine - didn't like the nursery at all and my hourse were not fixed so I chose CM. Have had three now, ( over period of 10years), and found them flexible, brilliant with my kids and all have remained friends. Good luck

poinsetta · 01/02/2012 20:54

I can understand that you would not want to go back to a job where you do not feel wanted. However, even if this is true, if say they are anti working mums if they haven't had any before they might find it different to their expectations when you return. Some shallow employers expect returning mums to be out of office every week with a sick child etc which is totally not true. I would go back (when you are ready and not before) and show them that is not true. You will find it far easier to return to a job you know than trying to find a new one and you will have enough on your plate too. you can always move jobs later if it is still not working out after return.

Regards childcare, it will all feel horrid at the moment if your baby is little. Once you have chosen and returned to work you will get used to it...not love it but get used to it.

Kiwiinkits · 01/02/2012 21:16

Agree that you should consider using a childminder (CM) or a nanny share instead of nursery for a small baby.

Original poster

Ladypunk · 02/02/2012 08:24

Hello All,

Thanks so much for your advice :)

I really am sure they want me out. My boss basically said that my role had changed since I've been off, and it involved more travel, and could I really handle that with a small baby, i.e. have childcare for those times.

I never really used to travel before. I did occasionally, but not as much as I'm told will be expected when I go back.

I even had to write my own job description for the person who would be covering me... I left without this cover and then, oddly, someone was employed a week after I left. Kind of like they wanted to hide from me that they had found someone.

It's all very strange and I do smell bullshit.

OP posts:

QueenStromba · 02/02/2012 08:45

You should talk to CAB or a solicitor - I think you probably have fair grounds for a constructive dismissal case since they've changed your job to something that you can't really do now that you have a small baby.

Shelby2010 · 02/02/2012 12:03

Is it because you are changing from full time to part-time? If you are going back after 26 wks they have to give you the exact same job back, at 52 wks it doesn't have to be the same but must have the same levels of pay and responsibility. The problem I had was that I wanted to reduce my hours, they said that was ok but then said I would have to sign a new contract with different terms & conditions as I was choosing not to go back to my previous role. I am wondering if this is what has happened to you? I took advice from CAB and was told that it's a grey area but I probably didn't have a case and that I was lucky they would let me go part-time as they are only obliged to consider your request but don't have to agree to it.

But like you, the whole stress of starting dd at nursery and not knowing which days I would be working made it more difficult. Hope you get it settled soon and then you can focus on the really difficult parts like getting everyone out of the house by 7.30 am after months of slobbing in a dressing gown til lunchtime:)

olgaga · 02/02/2012 12:41

I would post this in the Legal Matters section - there are a few employment experts there.

At this stage I would try to get something in writing out of them. You might write to them along these lines:

"Further to our recent meeting to discuss my return to work, you mentioned several changes to my role and expressed concern as to whether I would be able to manage now that I have childcare responsibilities. I would be grateful if you could confirm the proposed changes and your views in writing so that I am able to give the matter further consideration".

Then get down to the CAB/Union asap.

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