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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Employing a friend as a cleaner

26 replies

DrSeuss · 01/02/2012 18:55

Short version-I need a cleaner, she needs cash. I would not dream of being all lady-of-the manor about it. She already baby sits for me sometimes and I pay her for that, it's not a problem. She doesn't work as she is a SAHM so there would be no tax issues. She doesn't claim benefits so no benefit issues. I just worked out that she could have her money for her college course by October if she worked two hours a week. Her own home is always very clean and tidy, much better than mine!

So-a win/win or a disaster in the making?

OP posts:
EirikurNoromaour · 01/02/2012 18:57

Umm I wouldn't. If she wants to work as a cleaner she can advertise, she doesn't need to work for you. Recipe for disaster IMO.

hwjm1945 · 01/02/2012 18:58

depends f she is good - if so, then win win, if not, recipe for loss of friendship

doradoo · 01/02/2012 18:58

Watching this with interest as am in a similar position......

Personally am shying away from it - it's just a bit too condescending (not sure that's the right word but think would be too trying to help / noticing the problem type thing)

Think prob a disaster but willing (hoping) to be persuaded otherwise!

Sorry no real help OP

UnimaginitiveDadThemedUsername · 01/02/2012 18:58

Disaster in the making.

My mum did some cleaning for my godmother for a bit. It ended up getting really uncomfortable on both sides. Luckily the two of them saw what it was doing at the same time and stopped it.

scarletforya · 01/02/2012 18:59

Never mix business and pleasure. If she turns out to be a shit cleaner it'll be really awkward.

JustHecate · 01/02/2012 18:59

I wouldn't.

What happens if you feel she isn't doing enough?
what happens if she messes you about?
what if she feels you mess her about?
what if she thinks you don't pay her enough?

I think employing a mate totally changes the dynamics of the relationship and has the potential to wreck it.

catgirl1976 · 01/02/2012 19:00

If you are comfortable with your friend cleaning your loo and having unfettered access to your whole house and seeing it at its worst..........

and you think involving money won't be awkward (or more if you pay her now for babysitting)

and you think your friendship could handle it if you weren't happy with the job she did and had to tell her / couldn't but resent her

then go for it.....

I couldn't but these would be my concerns, if you don't think they would apply then YANBU

jendot · 01/02/2012 19:00

I wouldn't have a problem with it if she didn't.

Just think about whether you will be able to tell her if she isn't doing something properly? Can you moan at her if she spends 30mins of your 2 hours on her mobile? Think that she will see what is in your bedroom/ bathroom bin? And when you no longer need her will you be able to 'sack' her and stay friends?

If you think you can manage all of the above then go for it :-)

I am friends with my cleaner (who also babysits) but she was my cleaner first....before my friend. So works out ok.

I once had a friend who became my nanny...that was more challenging! We laugh about it now.

thefroggy · 01/02/2012 19:13

Disaster. I had a friend who was looking for a bit of cleaning work. She would sit down every five mins for "a chat" with me, didn't do anything properly and actually slowed me down when I was trying to get things done.

chinax · 01/02/2012 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hmc · 01/02/2012 20:52

No way

troisgarcons · 01/02/2012 20:55

If shes a SAHM what does she do with the children if shes working for you?

BTW I wouldnt do it - recipe for disaster.

Oggy · 01/02/2012 20:57

No way IMO.

There are all kinds of ways for things to get awkward, but above anything else, I couldn't have a friend cleaning my toilet, it would feel all kinds of wrong. I would feel uncomfortable about it.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 01/02/2012 20:59

It can work, but it depends on the personalities involved.

If you go ahead with it you need to be clear about exactly what she will do when she's there - specifics, not just 'clean' and you both need to be the sort of person who can say if it's not working. You need to be able to say 'It's not as clean as I was expecting or how come you didn't do x?' and she needs to be able to say 'I can't do what you expect in that amount of time' without it causing a fall out.

If you go ahead with it, I would suggest you trial it for 6 weeks. At the end of that time either of you can say you don't want to continue, without having to say why, & agree not to take it personally.

pranma · 01/02/2012 21:01

My next door neighbour is my cleaner and we have an excellent relationship-no problems.It has been over 4 years now and we are still friends.

RealitySickOfSick · 01/02/2012 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StickAForkInMeImDone · 01/02/2012 21:03

I did. It was for a limited period though. We have been best friends for years. I needed the money, she needed help with the house whilst in her final year if University but hated the thought of a stranger in her house.
Not sure how it would have panned out long term, but for 9 months it worked for both of us.

RealitySickOfSick · 01/02/2012 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PositiveAttitude · 01/02/2012 21:16

I was in your situation a few years ago, friend became our cleaner ...... ended up with an ex-friend, ex-cleaner........never again!

MsVestibule · 01/02/2012 21:30

I've been friends for 5 years with DF, and we've recently agreed that I'll clean her house once a month. Given the state of my house, I'm amazed she asked me. Works absolutely fine. She's really happy with the standard of my work, pays me the going rate, even lets me bring DS(3) with me. If she tries to chat (she has a life limiting illness, which is why she's there), I tell her to stop distracting me from my work Wink.

Luckily, we have the sort of friendship where either one of us would say it wasn't working well, and it wouldn't spoil things.

So, I think if you're sure she'll do a good job, and you agree at the outset to discuss any issues, I don't think it'll be a problem.

catwalker · 01/02/2012 21:39

Been there - didn't work. Possibly because I was working from home then so I kept getting drawn into chats which would go on for ever. I'm more a wet cloth sort of cleaner - she was a cleaning product fanatic but I always felt awkward about asking her to tone down the air freshener, bleach etc. I didn't really like the air laden with chemicals when I had small children around. She also scoured my then new wooden worktops and made a real mess of them. l wouldn't do it again ....

TheSecondComing · 01/02/2012 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DrSeuss · 02/02/2012 12:41

Thanks, everyone. I think you put into words the doubts I had. Shame because I still need that cleaner!

OP posts:
GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 02/02/2012 12:46

It's worked really well for my DSis and her friend. Clean house, closer friendship. Depends on the personalities, I would think.

lesley33 · 02/02/2012 14:08

I worked as a cleaner for a friend years ago. There were no issues - I think? - over the cleaning or work. But tbh it did subtly change the nature of our friendship in ways hard to describe as she was now my "boss". It might be different in a way if the friend didn't need the money, but if like me you actually do need the money, it does affect things.

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