To think DH's boss is an insensitive twat?

[fedupandtired]

My DH has been with his company for 14 years. He's fairly high up, is well paid and works hard. He's on call 24/7, even when out of the country on holiday, so is never really "off" so to speak.

My mum passed away on Saturday so DH has taken annual leave to be with me and support me (I have bipolar so probably need a bit more support than most people, of which his boss is aware). The funeral is next Tuesday followed by a celebration of her life which will involve lots of drink (my mum was a party animal who liked a drink) so he told his boss he'd be off until next Thursday. His bosses response? "It's not good timing"!

Well Mr Boss Man - next time I have a dying parent I'll tell them to hang on so that it's better timing for you shall I?

Sound like my bosses. We have to beg for days off.

sorry about your mum
your dh's boss sounds awful

What a tosser your husband's boss is, it isn't even if as he is claiming compassionate leave.

If the leave request is denied, do what my dad did when both of my grandparents died in the space of six days, went to the Doctor and got himself signed of sick for a fortnight with 'shock.'

DH's boss, for example, is a twat.

Sorry for your loss.

And YANBU.

I'm sorry about your mum OP. I hope you are ok. Your DH sounds lovely, that he's supporting you like this.

He'll have to explain to his boss how important it is to you both, two days isn't a lot of time off.

He's taking it as annual leave and time off in lieu. No idea what their company policy is but I'll ask him to check.

He has got a big project coming up where he'll be expected to work all weekend for a couple of weeks and when he's had to do that in the past he's never been given the time back. I suspect he'll remember this conversation and insist on it this time around.

Sorry for your loss OP.

Your DH's boss is an asshole. IME the harder an employee works and the more dedicated, loyal and dependable they are, the less they are appreciated.

I hope when this is over your husband has a stern word with his boss about his inappropriate manner. Grrr

My (ex) boss once gave me a talking to because I'd had 3 days off when my Grandmother died (she brought me up so was like a Mum to me). Then 5 months later I had 4 days off (1 unpaid) because my stepmother died and I went to spend some time with my Dad (they lived halfway across the country).
Then, 3 months later I had a mc (1 week off) followed by another one 3 months later (again, a week off). He told me I was taking advantage .

You can imagine how supportive he was when I had a bereavement related breakdown a month later...some bosses are just arseholes. Hope your dh stands his ground.

Boss is being dumb, as this is what breaks trust with people who otherwise work hard.

Its what they do though.

I'm sorry for your loss OP :(
If your DH is vital to the upcoming project (and if he's been there years and is exerienced and senior and so on I bet he is!) then the company need him more than he needs them. Try to ignore his bosses twattery.

I'd expect them to give compassionate leave to support you and help arrange the funeral. That's awful. There may be legislation around caring duties that applies.

But I'm sorry, it's unreasonable to expect them to give him next wednesday off because he will be drinking at the funeral. That should be unpaid or annual leave.

I'm very sorry about your loss.

He's not asking for them to give him any time off as compassionate leave, it would all be annual leave. Incidently he won't be drinking at the funeral as he'll be driving but we're choosing to stay at my parents on the Tuesday night rather than driving home as that's what my step-dad wants. I don't think he wants to be on his own afterwards which is understandable really.

Sorry, I misunderstood your post then.

I'd like to think his boss was just thinking out loud - as in, it's probably not good timing for him, and from his perspective that occurred to him and out it popped....

If it is annual leave then the boss should suck it up - annual leave is nearly always inconvenient! BUT, not wanting to stir it up, but seems to me to have been likely the boss was thinkng aloud and th
at really would have been better if your DH had managed not to menion it to yuo

'It's not good timing' I hope he said ... 'No, my MIL didn't think so either you fucking idiot'

Utter bastard.

However, I don't think your husband should have told you what he said and upset you further, it wasn't necessary.

I am really, really sorry about your Mum. I hope the funeral & celebration of her life go as well as they possibly can. I'll be thinking of you.

Thanks everyone. Sorry if I didn't make it clear about the time off being annual leave rather than compassionate leave.

Perhaps he was thinking aloud and I have since suggested to DH that perhaps he should go in sooner rather than later but he's so annoyed with him that that's a non-starter.

It's not just him being supportive either. He's genuinely really upset about it too (something I hadn't quite appreciated). We've been together for 19 years so he's known my mum a very long time.

His boss can make as much fuss as he likes. DH is going to dig in his heels now. Even if they sacked him over it (highly unlikely and probably difficult with a 14 year unblemished record) they'd be royally up s**t creek without a paddle without him right now so they do really need him right now. A bit of compassion wouldn't go a miss though.

I am very cross on your behalf.

What an utterly vile insensitive man.

Even if his first thought was covering your husband's leave (which if it was is pretty callous) surely common courtesy and social convention would have kicked in and his first questions would be about how you and your husband are feeling.

I am constantly surprised (in a bad way) about how low some human beings can sink.

What a horrible thing to say. So sorry to hear about your mum OP. I hope the funeral and celebration of her life goes well. It's no wonder that your DH is upset too, it must be a very sad time for you both. xxx

A friend of mine was in same position, loyal, rated employee, bright future with our firm. When his wife's mother died he had a week off, the boss of his team made it clear he didn't approve (couldn't stop him as our company has compassionate leave policy). My friend never forgave the boss for his twattery. He decided to go elsewhere. So our company lost a good hardworking employee.

It's so wrong that your dh has been flexible all his career in his firm's favour. When he needs something back by way of flexibility his boss should have the sense to keep his mouth shut.

I should imagine your dh's boss is just sounding off being a manipulative twat and trying to guilt your dh into working as usual. It's probably not reflective of the company attitude.

YANBU.
Man some bosses are prize c**ts - when my grandmother died a few years ago the first thing my then-boss said to me was "I expect you to show me a newspaper death notice with your name included before I can give you any type of berevement leave." Nice. I also needed an extension for a uni assignment - and my lecturer couldn't have been nicer about it.
Sorry about your loss.