To think that primary girls are far more emotional about friendships than boys?

[owlelf]

I have one DS (no other DC) and he is in Reception. I have noticed, (I volunteer in the classroom once a week), so many of the girls in his class worry terribly about their friendships. They worry about being 'left out', 'ignored' and about who is in which friendship group.

Some of girls get so upset about this that they are reduced to tears several times a day. All it takes is for one girl to want to play something different or to sit next to the wrong child and these poor children are so hurt.

I remember these feelings from my own childhood, but I don't remember them from Primary School- I thought this would kick in at about 12?!

DS and in fact all of the boys in the class seem oblivious to this type of behaviour (they are not perfect BTW, they just don't struggle in this way). To be honest I have found it a real relief that DS doesn't worry about this stuff- it must be heartbreaking to see your DC upset about friendships at an age when they are just learning about social skills.

DS is really sociable and quite a softie about many things. He has lots of friends of both sexes but seems to take all this stuff in his stride.

There has been a lot of worry about parties recently. Some poor girls were devastated not to have been invited to classmates parties. DS has not received invites to some, and even when some of his close friends have been invited he hasn't batted an eyelid despite having his nose rubbed in it by one delightful girl.

He is having a party in April and I am beside myself with the politics of invites, RSVPs, no shows (probably caused by the terribly sad thread about this happening to people). DS is not at all worried (and I don't intend to pass my worries on) which is a great relief!

So AIBU to think that in general primary aged girls are far more emotional about their relationships with friends than boys? Is this a hardwired difference? Do other mothers of boys find this a relief?

YABU, it carries on throughout secondary school too. :(

YANBU.

My son's don't care about any school politics...parties etc...

I now have a daughter, I know (from memory) that those days will soon be back to cause disharmony at home :)

Oh well...

I think it is personality and not boy/girl thing. DS was very upset over lack of friends in Reception and still (Y3) is at lack of party invites. Whereas if somone won't play with DD, she shrugs her shoulders and goes off and plays with someone else and if she's not invited to any parties she wonders to herself why this might be and comes to the conlusion that she goes to plenty of parties.

But ... DD has a large circle of friends so it's easier for her to shrug off friendship breakdowns. DS has only 1 or 2 close friends and it's altogether a bigger deal if he falls out with 1 of them.

Neither of my children were ever worried about the politics of party invites, I think that is exclusively a parent thing

redsky sorry to hear your DS has struggled with this. Before DS started school I thought it was down to individual personality too. Its just seeing DS's reception from the inside has made me doubt myself!

Very much a gender thing I'm afraid (tho'I dare say I will be corrected).

If you look at adult life, women tend to have 2 or 3 very close friendships and a wider circle of good acquaintances/social buddies. Blokes on the other hand pick up and put down friendships and there is never any inference in it. Men can pick a friendship where they left off 15 years ago, whereas women tend to have to re-establish that friendship.

I think it's because women are more inclined towards the emotional level in relationships and like to discuss thier feelings and emotions (hence forums being a 9010 split unless its a specifically male orientated hobby forum sort of thing).

Reception-through-infants both genders mix quite happily but girls tend to form close friendshhips groups about the time they get into juniors.

Thats just my perception of the norm, which isn't of course the rule.

YANBU - my dd had an awful time in infants with horrid things being said to her and her generally being left out...she was in a terrible state, stressed and anxious (to the point of pulling her eyelashes off and pulling half of an eyebrow out)

I only have dss but from what i remember about him being little things were never such an issue for boys....i may well be wrong though..

Yanbu.

My boys sort things out among themselves, they're not bothered. Boys just get on with it. Around here the Mothers fall out among themselves when the daughters do! How exhausting.

Trois what you say about adult friendships rings true.

Ruby that sounds really tough, poor DD.

YANBU

I have 3 boys and none of them are anywhere near as bothered about that sort of thing as a lot of the girls are.

We are going through a terrible time just now with our dd and her friends who will all be 12 this year - they can be so bitchy and hurtful to each other one minute then best friends the next. Our problem is our dd gets on with nearly all the girls in her class but is being pulled and pushed between them all. She has a best friend who some of the other girls don't like so they try to get my dd to not play with her - this has definately been the worst age so far with girls and their friends - dreading august when they go to High School!
On the other hand ds is 7 and doesn't care who he plays with as long as he's out!!

Girls can be very nasty - especially with social mediums - it can be relentless. That is exacerbated by girls having close friendships and swapping confidences, then they fall out and the secrets get shared.

Boys, given half a chance will have a scrap, laugh and be playing football within 10 mins - its over and done with in a flash. Well thats how they'd like it - till the mummy-copters arrive and all the assualt charges start .

Not my experience (at Reception age) either as a mother to 1 ds and 2 dds, or as a teacher of a LOT of children over a lot of years.
Even in upper juniors, it's a bit of a generalisation, like others have said, firendship patterns come down to the individual child's personality, and also to the way parents (and other close adults) respond when they are initially working out how to "have/be friends". Also of course, if you are lucky enough to meet other like minded folk when you are little.

i have both girls and boys and it is a gender thing i am afraid. girls constantly stressing about who's in, who's out who's fallen out with who. boys on the other hand just seem to go with the flow more. however it has to be borne in mind that because they are less outwardly emotional this can sometimes mask what is going on inside. i am always mindful that the suicide rate amongst boys is a lot higher than girls so i do make a real effort to talk to my son and get him to get in touch with his feminine side!