To think my health visitor is evil?!

[anicecupofteaandsomechocolate]

Bumped into hv today - she actually checked to see if my ds could breathe! He was tucked in under the footmuff with his comforter over his head (which is how he likes to go to sleep!) but it's cosy and keeps the harsh wind off his face and of course I make sure that he can breathe!! She just always manages to make me feel like an un-fit mother! She has previously told me off for having infacol in the front room where 3 year old dd could reach it, told me off for not strapping ds into his bouncy chair, been horrified at dd answering the phone and the front door (not unsupervised)!! It might just be me but she really makes me grrrrr! I do wonder if she is actually human! Thank goodness dmil has the dcs now so I can try and chill out!

I don't understand the whole hv system . I've seen mine three times. birth, six weeks and once when I bumped into her. dd now 18 months. Yet others seem to have hvs round every week?

My HV came round 4 days after i got out of hospital after a c-section - she drank 3 cups of tea (made by my DH) ate loads of biscuits only the choclate ones she winged abut how busy she was, kept telling me i dont know how you cope.... and eventually wandered off to get a bit of lunch.

Totally useless - EVERY BLODDY TIME at weigh in she would call me to go every 3 weeks... she would watch me struggle accross the carpark with 2 car seats have to put 1 down to open door strugle down the corridor and when i was finally sat in a chair in the room she would say...oh i saw you struggerling accross the carpark...... I dont know how you cope

I have never had a HV or had a visit from one. The only contact I've had with 'em has been at vaccinations/that developmental check appointment.

Can you opt out or something, if you don't want her to visit?

Mine was a 20 something nit without children who turned up for the first visit at 9.15am without having the simple courtesy to make an appointment first. She had dirty hair, dirty shoes, was totally incompetent and left her scarf and two files behind. I was having trouble feeding and she told me that mothers who put their babies first breastfed and mothers who put themselves first bottle fed.

She didn't listen, she couldn't record information properly, she was discourteous, she was inexperienced, she couldn't follow instructions or answer the most basic questions, she was totally and utterly useless. She could, however, read a leaflet out loud and share her opinion about the useless conservative government that needed to be voted out.

She wasn't quite the spawn of the devil - she wasn't intelligent enough. She was however, so hopeless she verged on being dangerous.

They have a legal obligation to offer their services, mothers have no legal obligation to accept those services.

As far as I am concerned the HV service is a complete and utter waste of public money and needs to be reviewed on a root and branch basis.

WibblyBibble owning too many books?? Did she say why?

The first health visitor I had with DC1 asked me what I do for a living. Answer: English teacher. She looked around the living room and commented on the large number of books. In the next breath she said, "Now, you do know the importance of reading to children don't you?" I'm afraid, with the largest c-section wound ever, no sleep for four weeks and bleeding nipples that I MAY have been slightly sarcastic.
With DC2 I had the most lovely Irish midwife who when I 'confessed' that I mix fed DC1 was the first HCP to say "Well, didn't you do brilliantly! And s
breast-fed for a year? You are a wonder." The next time she came round with a trainee and told her what a brilliant mother I was, and what a great latch I had. I can't tell you how much psychological help that was.

OP - i think your HV was just doing what she felt was right, also they don't know if you are a good parent or not, they have to take every person as they see them. my ds slept with a muslin square on his face, as soon as he dropped off it was removed i think shes given you sound advice.

i love my health visitor atm she is great can't fault her shes helped me and ds more than anybody else, but i've had bad experiences with some of them, the initial one who came (temporary) handed me some condoms from this pack with leaflets ect and said "thats to stop you catching anything" rude cow, why she thought i'd be out shagging with 60 stiches in is beyond me.

She was just doing her job, IMO.
It must be hard for HVs not to be judgemental about some of the things they see, the state of the homes they go in to. Tough job.
(Wibbly maybe you do have too many books)

Reasonable advice from her, but maybe she said it in a patronising way and it made you defensive? It's hard to take criticism.

My HV never visited. I did however take DD in regularly to be weighed and checked over. She was a lovely, elderly woman who acted as if DD was some sort of wonder. She enthused over her weight, length, when she made sounds, when she walked, talked and even her clothes! With hindsight I suspect she probably did this with the majority of mothers. It was nice to have what I felt about my pfb validated!
The midwife who visited me when I was discharged from hospital was evil personified

share her opinion about the useless conservative government that needed to be voted out.

She did one thing right then!

Er no, actually ComposHat it was John Major's government who were poor on back to basics but who handed Tony Blair an economy that was in exceptionally good shape. Regrettably TB's and then GB's terms in office destroyed that and David Cameron's government is trying to sort out the damage.

Regardless of one's politics, however, and I think we may both have shown ours, politics should never, ever be taken to work when work involves a public facing service orientated role. It is irrelevent in that context and any professional would keep it so. I have been politically active for most of my adult life but I do not, would not and never have taken my politics to work.

Mine pulled a cat's-bum face when I offered her a cup of tea, and refused it because hot drinks and babies don't really go together

at placenta comment. I would have said something about that. Have had my share of madster HPs, but two were great:

One complimented me on my house, furniture and how well I was coping and was very nice. It was only when I was showing her out that I realised that my sweatshirt was on back to front. Very obvious to an onlooker but she hadn't said a word to me, bless her.

Another one arrived just as DC2 had done an explodapoo, some of which had got onto my trousers. I apologised but she was totally un-phased, peered at it and said, "is that his toilet? Wow - your milk is RICH!"

Lay off the !!!! and chill the fuck out.

Mine were always great :)
Wibbly my SW told me I have too many books (is that possible?)
RE the comforter over baby's face, my cousin was born in the Czech Republic in winter. My Auntie and Uncle were told that if they took her out in public she HAD to have a muslin or similar over her face, as the wind was so cold it could damage her lungs.

My health visitor pressured me into giving formula top ups by telling me my baby was starving and dehydrated. After reducing me to tears with that stuff, she told me I wasn't a bad mother because 'you didn't abort [DD] like so many people do'.

I must chase PALS for the outcome of my complaint.

Formula top ups have fed many a hungry baby and releived many a parent StiffyByng. Her advice is hardly tantamount to misfeasance! It was probably quite helpful, actually...

at the abortion comment, though.

She used scare tactics. My baby was neither starving nor dehydrated. She reduced me to a sobbing mess because my baby was gaining weight slowly. I did give formula in the end and she told me I should thank God that it had been invented.

Do you know you can dismiss them?

When my HV came around for DS2 we were doing just fine. I met her dressed and with my hair done, the baby happy and well fed and the house clean (I think we were trying to sell the house, so it was really clean). I told her we were fine, really, just marvellous. She really didn't need to pop around. I promised to come to clinic every now and then for a weigh-in and a cup of tea.

We never saw them again except at jab time at the surgery. I think it only worked because it was the second DS and he was an easy baby. I did it because I hated waiting around the house for them to come.

I am regretting that previous post as it sounds like I really was very together and everything was marvellous. It wasn't, it was just a very good afternoon in which my house and I were ready for a viewing.

Selling the house with a newborn was a stupid thing to do. We just needed more room for the second DS.

Do you know you can dismiss them?
This. It's not obligatory have a HV.

I have met a couple of great HV and they were fantastic when my DS was tiny and I had breastfeeding problems. My actual HV was patronising, bullying and ill-informed. I said I didn't want her to be our HV anymore and shortly afterwards she completely fabricated something about us to my GP which I happened to see on the computer screen when there. I wrote a complaint to the HV team and, to their credit, we got an unreserved apology with no excuses (the fabrication was easily proved to be nonsense) and she was disciplined/placed under supervision for it. Have never seen a HV apart from a handful of early interactions and my son is now 4.

HV can be brilliant, but I think the current training and system absolutely does need to be looked at. I don't think their training, especially when it comes to breastfeeding/weaning, is adequate and that's not their fault. So if you happen to have one who has an interest and knowledge in it, that's great but you may equally meet one who doesn't really know very much or got it from a training session sponsored by a formula manufacturer. It's disgraceful that breastfeeding support is totally random and down to luck and women should be able to rely on consistent knowledge and help if/when they want it.

My HV was absolutely brilliant. Very supportive, knowledgeable, non-judgemental and a real help. She made me feel that I was doing it right and would answer my questions honestly and without making me feel like an idiot. I am pg with DC2 and genuinely hope that she is my HV again.

My visiting midwife however was a different story. I was told that she would be coming to my house at some point in the first week after DD was born. I went out to meet some friends for coffee 3 days after the birth (felt fine) and got an angry call from the MW saying that I shouldn't be out and that she was outside my house waiting for me. Ohhh, so I should have stayed home 24/7 for the first week - I didn't realise

You sound very defensive OP because all the points the HV have brought up are reasonable as stranded said earlier.

I had that with the midwife too. Popped to the shops around the corner after three days leaving DS with DH due to cabin-fever and she gave him a right earful. He doesn't suffer fools gladly but was gob-smacked