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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to cry for half an hour after dropping off 9month old DS at childminders?

14 replies

loopy11 · 01/02/2012 15:54

Just started settling in sessions as I'm going back to work next month. I'm really happy with our choice of childminder but can't bear leaving him. It doesn't help that he's in peak separation anxiety stage and cries terribly when I leave him. I know millions of people do this but I just can't stand thinking he is upset when I'm not there and that I'm screwing him up in some way.
AIBU to react in this way? Someone please tell me it gets better...

OP posts:
springydaffs · 01/02/2012 16:36

Sorry this is so painful for you loopy. I hope someone will come along with some specific advice/info soon.

my dd stopped talking to me when I put her in a childminders. She kept it up for a week, as though I didn't exist. It was agony! brought me to my knees. Just on the point of giving up work when things turned around. phew.

Lasvegas · 01/02/2012 16:41

loopy I coped because the alternative was loosing my home and having no food to eat so yes it upset me when leaving crying child but I repeatedly told myself it was it the best interests of the child. No-doubt you too are working for the money not the fun of it.

FelixDaSouza · 01/02/2012 16:44

Poor you loopy. Its not easy.

Although you cried for half an hour I am sure he settled quickly enough once you left.

I remember walking out of nursery with a very obvious wobbly lip lots of times.Sad

nectarina · 01/02/2012 17:59

I feel for you as i have a 9mo dd.
i remember dropping my niece off at her creche and she was bawling her eyes out and i wasn't going to see her for at least 3 months. I started crying too and the poor old creche workers had to prise us apart. I cried for the whole of the train journey back home.
I don't know why i'm telling you this - can't see its going to make you feel better!

smithereenies · 01/02/2012 18:11

no, yanbu. It gets better with time, but it is a big deal and the best feeling is when you pick them up again

LabMonkey · 01/02/2012 19:10

My 9 month old is in week 2 of childminder and she's loving it. She gets upset if she sees me leave so after day 1 the childminder takes her into the kitchen to look for squirrels out of the window and we've had no tears since. It was weird to leave her with someone other than DH (who's just had 3 months paternity while I went back to work) but she's a wonderful person who loves the children she cares for. I'm sure you wouldn't have chosen someone you didn't like to look after your DS. Can you ask her to keep you updated with texts etc for a while? Ours emailed me pics of DD at Toddlers etc at work which was fab.

breatheslowly · 01/02/2012 19:30

Do you know how long he is upset for once you have gone? Could you ring/text to check he is ok after 15 min and be reassured by that?

WorrisomeHeart · 01/02/2012 19:34

It does get better as you both get used to it. My DS (15mths) has been at nursery for 5 months and although it was terribly hard at the start, he adores it there now. So much so that on the day he doesn't go he gets upset when we don't follow the norm routine of getting out and about early!

sundaybest · 01/02/2012 19:40

Yanbu. And it does get better. I kept telling myself "just get through the first month" . And we did and it's much easier now. Good luck.

Lovemygirls · 01/02/2012 19:45

I'm a childminder and I have hardly ever had a child that cries for more than a few mins, especially at 9 months. Usually they have stopped before mum has even driven off so maybe ask your cm if you can peek through the window once you have gone, taking care for your son not to see you and I'm sure you will see he is happy. It is hard but it will get easier.

keepingupwiththejoneses · 01/02/2012 20:00

loopy I used to work in a private day nursery and we had lots of little ones that would sob their little hearts out when mum or dad where leaving, and unless they where unwell you could guarantee that as soon as they saw a toy they liked or with the older (2-4) ones when they saw their parents where out of sight they would stop dead. It was quite funny with some kids, they looked devastated with tears pouring down their faces and then as quick as you could blink they where running about laughing.
I understand how hard it is, I have 3 dc's who I had to leave in childcare, but he will be fine and will have a ball while he was there. Before you know it he will be going in without giving you a second look and crying to stay Grin

Original poster
loopy11 · 01/02/2012 21:24

Thanks everyone. I think I just need a bit of handholding at the minute. It just seems that it is such a normal part of life for so many people but it seems so upsetting for me. Does anyone know how long it will take for him to settle? Will he always get upset when I leave him? Does anyone have any coping strategies they can share?

OP posts:
PattiMayor · 01/02/2012 21:29

It probably will take him a week or so to not get upset on a daily basis (but be prepared for days when he is upset if he is tired/teething/bit under the weather) but the only thing you can do is get a grip and NEVER let him know that you're upset because that will make everything worse for everyone.

He's not going to die, he's being well looked after, and you are getting a lot more upset than he is, for an awful lot longer. Honestly.

shagmundfreud · 01/02/2012 21:31

You sound like a lovely mum loopy. Smile

Fwiw - I cried twice leaving my 6 year old at school... Blush

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