To be dreading DD starting primary school?

[littlemisssarcastic]

DD starts school this September. She will be 4 and a few weeks.

I am absolutely dreading it, although DD has no idea of my angst, and is positively looking forward to 'big school'.

I probably just need some reassurance and can't talk to anyone else about it, so am putting it on here.

I keep remembering what it was like when DS started at the same school, with the same teacher, although the head was different when DS started. The head teacher was awful, and when DS was having problems, the teacher supported the head completely.

I still feel I let DS down, by not doing more than I did, which was basically just to agree with the head and the teacher, and I listened to the head and the teacher to the detriment I feel of DS.

I am dreading DD going.

What can I do to make sure DD doesn't suffer the same way as DS did?

There is no alternative school I can reasonably get DD to, and the two nearest schools are oversubscribed, although I have put DD's name down on those too.

Legally you don't have to send her. Education is not compulsory until the term after she turns 5. It may be possible to ask the school to defer for a term or even year and skip that teacher altogether.
Although if she is looking forward to it I'd go with the flow, try not to worry about problems that may never arise. Easier said than done I know.

Thanks itsstillgood

This particular teacher is both reception and class 1. It is a small school, and there is a small intake, hence reception children and year 1's are all in the same class, just sat on different tables depending on whether they are reception or class 1.

It may have changed since DS went. I haven't been up there to ask, but I know this teacher is still the reception class teacher. She is the only teacher that is not moved to teach different classes so that is a good thing I suppose, because DD will only have her for a maximum of 2 years. I mean, they move all of the other teachers, but this particular teacher has been the reception teacher consistently for 25 years. I am putting my head in the sand by not finding out if she still teaches Yr 1 as well I suppose which isn't a good idea, I know.

I feel the same, my DD starts school in September and I dread it. She's at a lovely nursery atm and I just wish she could stay there. The ratio of staff to children is very good, she gets lots of attention and I get feedback every day. She's also my plb which probably doesn't help.

I feel for you neuroticmum. DD's nursery is lovely, the staff are lovely and really have the children's best interests at heart.

The school has probably changed a lot since DS went there, but the way they treated him, looking back now, was terrible.

I put my trust in them to do what was in DS's best interests and I don't feel they did this. I had no idea how to resolve the problems I had with the school when DS went, so I just foolishly went along with what the head and his teacher were telling me.

I hope and pray it is different this time, but if it isn't, I don't know what I will do. I am also still very angry, at myself too, for just watching how horrid they were imo, and doing nothing to stop it. I wasn't the only parent with a problem, but I was the only parent of DS, and I did nothing!!

I remember when the teacher called me in one day to discuss DS and the problems he was having, shortly after DS began, and I asked her what she thought we could do to try to help DS a little more, and her response was 'DS is not the only child in my class, I have 26 other children!!'

Although I appreciate it is not always easy to be a teacher in a class of 27, I still wonder why she felt the need to tell me how many children she had in her class and to point out that DS was not the only one. That much is clear from walking into the classroom. I am not sure what she was trying to make me understand by pointing out the blatantly obvious.

Because of her flippant attitude towards DS and his problems, I now cannot stand that phrase..'Your child is not the only child in my class, I have X amount of children in my class.'

In what way was the Head awful? It may make a massive difference that the Head is different. Even if the problem is with the class teacher, which is what you seem to be fearing, the new Head may support you more.

I cant help much more without knowing what issues your DS had. Aside from to say that they are different children and she may surprise you! Glad to hear she is excited. Hopefully by summer you will be too.

Cross posts sorry! Does your DD have similar issues? She's sounds like a bit of an old bat (especially not moving years. I personally read that as her refusing to move, but yes I dont actually know her) who is a little to strict for modern parents and children.

Id try your best to ignore her!

Just a quick post. I had a few problems with DD and later with DS in reception but over the long term it all worked out and they learnt from the "bad" teachers as well as from the good. This is not meant to be patronising - not at all - but just to say that kids are pretty resilient in the long run. It is something that it helped me to know.

I really feel for you after a similar experience. And dd's R teacher said the exact same thing to me but added 'It's not like nursery you know - I have 30 children in the class.' Awful thing for a teacher to say.

I have to say we are at a different school now - and the difference in the way the teachers treat parents is staggering.

But OP, if you agreed with the reception teacher last time she presumably doesn't know the depths of your annoyance with her. In the end, you can't do much this time apart from being as positive about school as poss to your dd, getting her ready for it as much as poss, and then choosing your battles wisely once she is there.

I suppose it depends if the problems were genuine, or just neurotic mother related.

Wellthen I have PMed you, simply to explain a few of the problems without outing myself or DS on a public forum. The problems we had are probably not that common, so would be easy to identify me.

I hope you don't mind. It is a long message. Sorry.

I don't think I was neurotic squeakytoy and I don't think it is healthy to still be chewing it over many years later.

I have no trust in the reception teacher anymore.

Basically, I think DS was treated abusively by the headteacher at least once, reception teacher was present, yet she denied head had done what she saw him do. She supported the head above the needs of DS and despite the problems DS was having brought on by the head.

Probably should mention that the head is no longer at the school now, but the reception teacher is.