Career woe

[nutterbutsquash]

Apologies in advance if there is a careers/jobs section that this could go in, couldn?t find one.
I have always been a bit arty/creative and started an art foundation course after leaving school but dropped out before the end as was partying too much and needed to work to fund the fun. My parents panicked, saw careers guidance on my behalf and decided that a career in X was for me. Being young and stupid I went along with this and over 10 years ago now started a degree knowing by day 1 that this wasn?t what I wanted to go into. I should have quit then but felt I had to continue so as not to disappoint parents. I got a job after uni and have worked since then in a variety of roles for similar employers, all within the same field. I?ve never ?moved up the ranks?, I am still in a role that could be done by a graduate despite having worked for nearly a decade, I?m just not good at it! I also don?t have the personal qualities that the positions require (people management, technical understanding, being massively organised). I?ve always enjoyed going to work, I like earning money and the social side of things but just not the actual job.
Am now coming to the end of maternity leave and thinking it?s now or never. In my dreams I?d like to get a studio and create full time for a living but my DH says no, despite there not being a financial need for me to earn £££. I make things evening and weekends but with two dc and a doer-upper house their isn't much 'spare' time. I?ve looked into other careers but haven?t yet found anything which I could be passionate about . DH thinks I should go back to old job. My DM (whose approval I seem to require for some reason) responds to every new career suggestion with ?it doesn?t pay very well? (but then my current role doesn?t either so that?s not important) and would be unsupportive if I was to pursue creative dream.
I feel like this is my last chance to make my life mine, rather than doing what other people think I should but do not have the courage to do it without any support around me.
AIBU? SHould I just be thankful for a job and be done with it.

In my dreams I?d like to get a studio and create full time for a living

Would it actually give you an income though?

I can understand that you want to make your life "yours", but you do also have to figure your child and your husband into that equation too. They are part of "your life".

but my DH says no, despite there not being a financial need for me to earn £££

Perhaps he feels that it is a bit unfair that he would be the only one going out to earn a living, while you "create".

You say you're in a 'doer-upper' - any room there for a studio in a spare room or attic? And then perhaps 'real job' to keep the nay-sayers happy part-time, and then two days a week you paint? They might be more open to it if you were to financially contribute to the studio.

Good luck, I'm very envious - it's not easy to follow your heart.

can you go back part-time and spend the rest of the time 'creating' - that's what I did - I went part-time, retrained for the career I wanted in the evenings and gradually increased the time doing the stuff I wanted until I could give up the job I hated.

I'm a bit if you don't need the money that your dh wants you to go back to work in a job you hate - I presume if you're an artist you have an opportunity to get much better at your work and sell it?

Everyone needs to spend their life being as happy as possible and if the job is actually negatively weighing on you then you need to in the long-term (before it grinds you down) give it up.

And your dh really should be wanting you to be happy.

Oh and ignore your mother - it's not her life!

you sound like me in a way, although my parents had nothing to do with my career path. I did an art foundation course. Couldnt decide on a specialist subject. Decided I wouldnt get anywhere with art and ended up doing a degree in engineering then fell into IT. I dont love it, nor am I particularly good at it, however it brings in money. My DH doesnt mind my craftiness all over the house, but I do think he'd resent me too if I wanted to take it on instead of actually earning. It seems a bit unfair on him when he doesnt like his job either but does it to pay our mortgage.
I think unless you have a clear plan as to what it is you want to do in your studio, and how it will generate cash then it all is kind of a dream. I completely understand where you're coming from though. I often wonder why it is I havent gone and done something arty. I was at school with this girl (was best friends with her when I was 10 - sooo long ago!) www.jenscakery.co.uk/ and she was very similar to me - arty, but technical too. Went on to do chemical engineering (i did mechanical) but she followed her dream and is doing amazingly well now. It is possible, but probably not without the support of your DH :(

Thanks for your responses.

Would it actually give you an income though? That would be the aim. I have sold work in the past although appreciate that doesn't mean I'll sell again.

Perhaps he feels that it is a bit unfair that he would be the only one going out to earn a living, while you "create". Maybe, but he has a job that he loves and is good at and has no comparible urge to escape. I do feel that if he did have some such urge that I would support him, regardless of the impact on our lifestyle although maybe that is easy to say when it's not likely to be a reality.

Don't really have any spare space but agree that maybe getting 1 or 2 days might be more agreeable. And a plan.

I blame Pinterest and all those aspirational quotes that make me feel I should do something about this rather than going back to desk drudgery.

I think it's a shame that "DH says no" - have you really talked it over, and does he realise just howmuch it means to you to do this? Maybe he thinks you're just "having a moment" and daydreaming, rather than being serious. Could you do a sort of "busines plan" type thing, to get all your facts and plans and costs and everything straight in your head, and then have a good talk with him, and let him know just how much it means to you. He might agree if you can show him you've really worked it all out, and aren't just dreaming. Sometimes people just don't realise that a person actually means something they say, and they're not just joking around...

Article in the paper today about the five things people regretted on their death beds.

Just do it.

I have the same feelings, I was guided towards accounting as a career and have been doing it for 7 years & hate it but it's all I know how to do and don't know get out.

It's all about if you can afford it isn't it?

It sounds as though you have been controlled by people for a long time OP. Your parents forcing you to do a certain career (my parents did similar to me, it sucks!) and then your husband saying no to you following your dream.

As you don't need to work financially I would just go for it. Maybe at home initially to test the waters before getting into the financial obligations of a studio.

But follow your dream; you are a grown up now and cannot be forced into things or told no, it is your decision. Good luck!

Can you combine a house that's a doer upper with being creative and perhaps move into interior design. For example launching straight into a studio to make and sell might be a bit much but creating a beautifully co-ordinated home and perhaps learning how to make curtains/soft furnishings professionally could be a way of killing two birds with one stone. Go back to your job part-time - do the house part-time and book onto a course that will provide you with semi professional skills and contacts and take it from there.

pinterest has a lot to answer for!

In your position I would think about going back to work part time so that you are still contributing to the household, but you also have time to persue other things.

Your dh's position is fair enough tbh, it's great that he likes his job, but even so it's still a lot of pressure to be the only earner in a household. It would seem quite unfair if you get to have lots of time with the dh, live your dream and not have to worry about earning while he does the opposite.

Is there an evening course you could do?

You need to stop worrying about what your Mum thinks. Your approval about your life is much more important than hers.