To feel a bit hacked off with late cancellations?

[Flyingoutofcontrol]

Supposed to be having a playdate in my home with a few mums from the post-natal group - coffee & (home-made!) cakes for us while our DC's run about and play (they're all about 15-17mo). Arrival time was set for 2pm and this is a weekly meet up, so not a surprise.

It's now 1.30pm and I've just had 2 of the three mums cancel on me by text at the last minute. One because her DS has just gone for a nap, and one due to an injury which was done yesterday. The third mum hasn't responded to either phone call, text or Facebook invitation - so I can't make other plans for my DS in case she turns up; and she's always late.

I know it's trivial, but I was looking forward to a chat and a coffee, and a bit of fun for DS, and I probably am BU, but the lack of notice is just irritating. Naps are a bit random, but if I've been invited and agreed to go, then I try to make it; and the injury happened yesterday morning so not like she couldn't have told me.

I'm just grumpy, and probably old fashioned and I need to get out more. I need more adult conversation I think, but there are no afternoon playgroups so I'm stuck.

ARGH!!!!!!

I think a lot of peple cba to go out because it's cold

I know if my dc were sleeping I'd think 'ooh a bit of me time by the fire'

it is selfish though

YANBU. If someone has been kind enough to invite me to their home, I would only cancel at the last minute if DS or I were taken ill. I hate letting people down and I feel sad if they do it to me.

To be honest, it's not the first time; and always and only seems to happen when it's my turn to host.

I'm starting to think it's actually about me and I'm basically unlikeable.

If I had any alternatives for DS, I'd say sod it and just drop out of the group, but as DS naps in the morning and all the groups are held then, this is the only contact with other children he gets.

I feel so sad for him. I wanted to be a brilliant mum but turns out that my social skills are making his life a bit shit - he's young enough not to notice at the moment, but he's going to start missing out soon and I don't want his childhood to be as lonely as mine was.

I'm starting to think my only option would be to have another baby, but I know in my heart I couldn't cope and I don't want another.

Oh fuck. I am a shit mother.

Oh how disappointing, some people are just RUDE aren't they, especially canx and such short notice.

I used to have a friend like this, note the phrase "used to"! She'd say she'd pop round at say 2 o'clock with her dc's so I'd rush back early from whatever we were doing that morning whether it be toddler group/town etc, stop off to get some nice snacks on the way home, only for her not to show up

Last time I phoned her at 3, no answer so left a message but heard nothing. Cue a very upset dd on my hands disappointed about not seeing her friend, and me annoyed at having rushed around for no reason.

That particular time, we next saw each other a few days later at school gate and she said "Oh sorry about Friday, the kids were so happy playing at the park they didn't want to move. Then it got to nearly 4 and I thought it was too late to come round!". No mention of sorry for not letting me know, nothing at all! I don't bother with her now as it wasn't the first time she'd done it.

I hope at least your other friend turns up this afternoon, even if she's late!

OP, ok don't think they hate you. That is negative thought and won't help you in anyway

On a practical level, are they all nearer each other or not so close to you in proximity?

On another note, your ds won't always be asleep in the morning, he will at some point drop this nap and you will all be free to do something else.

For this afternoon, do you have cornflour? Do you have Water? Do you have a washing up bowl? It makes the best squidge for them to play with, they all love it!

I hate it when people do this. It is just plain rude. I don't think there is much you can do about it. If the 3rd lady from today hasn't turned up by 2.30 I thik it would be fair for you to go out.

I know it's horrible when you are so looking forward to having a chat and then how deflated you feel when that doesn't happen. As the children get older the mums will become less self-obsessed and a bit more thoughtful (I hope).

And you're not a shit mother.

Does your local childrens centre open in the afternoons?

Home made cakes would have made me prod DSs up from their naps

You certainly aren't a shit mother and you HAVE social skills aplenty to arrange such a generous playtime at your house.

This happens a lot when children are really small, its more to do with everyone else's chaotic lives and nothing to do with what you are or are not doing.

It is sooo easy to take it personally but don't - really. It might seem like some people ALWAYS get a grand turn out but its just random.

Maybe plan to meet out and about next time so your child will be having fun regardless. Once they're toddlers it gets a bit much to have them all clattering around someone's living room anyway - sometimes its easier to arrange to meet at the park or softplay if its wet.

I think I was also that mum that never quite fitted with the others on the circuit, and there were times when we were roundly stood up. It's heartbreaking, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Try not to take it to personally. This is a time of life when you are thrown with other people simply because you had children at the same time. You probably wouldn't have hooked up with them for any other reason. Do your best to grit your teeth, and get from it what you can. I echo the advice to diversify, find other groups, even when it's tough.

And vent on here whenever you need to.

flying, do you actually like these other mums? If you are only meeting them to have playmates for your DS then unfortunately you are always going to feel like this. I suggest you find some other playmates by going to mother/toddler groups and perhaps you could change his routine so he has his nap later if all the groups only happen in the morning.

I really do like a few of the mums - others not so much, but it's the mums that I like that always do the standing up or I find them discussing a play date that we weren't invited to.

There is literally nothing else on in the afternoons. And morning groups are ridiculously oversubscribed, so you have to guarantee to go and pay for 3 months in advance, which is a lot of money especially when there's no guarantee you'll ever be there.

I'd love to try to move DS's nap, but I work when he naps (and I need the cash) so I can't risk him not napping. That and I have no clue how to deal with a later nap in terms of his food.

Maybe I need to take a week off work and try it, and see if they'll let me do a test week paying pro-rata.

I just have no idea where to turn next.

where abouts in the country are you? the 1 o'clock clubs near to me are FAB for kids who don't sleep any more/sleep longer in the morning/have 3 shorter naps, etc :D

could you afford to sign up for a class or 2 that runs in the pm instead of groups? your ds is right at a great age for pretty much any class - gym, music, art... and if you can hang in once he's 2 you can progress to sports, dance, etc too!

maybe next time suggest you all meet art a soft play centre or somewhere so that, as SmethwickeBelle says, you can have a coffee and cake and your ds can burn off some energy around other kids whether the other mums turn up or not!

Lovely idea, but nearest soft play is about 20 miles away down a motorway and a few mums don't drive.

There are NO classes, groups or activities that I can find in the local area in the afternoon. It's like the world stops after 11.30am . I could travel to the nearest city (about 30 minutes so an hour travelling) but again would have no idea where to look/go.