Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To ask how you would define the purpose of your life?

62 replies

HoneyandHaycorns · 31/01/2012 00:06

Well, just that really.

I am feeling slightly rudderless at the moment, and not quite sure what I want from life. So I just wondered what other people think it's all about? And if most people actually have a sense of purpose, or if they just drift along and go with the flow.

OP posts:

msbuggywinkle · 31/01/2012 08:10

Well, I would love to be aiming to showever OU degree in the next year, however I don't think it is going to happen due to tuition fees. So I guess my current purpose is to find a career I don't need a degree for. Tis bloody depressing.

Deafworm · 31/01/2012 08:17

Thanks honey, it will either happen or it won't now but it's going in front of the highest people I can get it too with someone who has their confidence and believes in the point as much as I do, all thanks to a fluke meeting!

Whatmeworry · 31/01/2012 08:28

OP it sounds like you are realising very few issues are black and white and worth getting into a passion about, that compromises are necessary in everything, and that you shouldn't put all your eggs into one thing - ie becoming wise :)

It is good to have a longer term goal though, even if it is to grow old disgracefully :)

MitchieInge · 31/01/2012 10:15

I wasn't ignoring you very, my battery died and I thought it was a sign to sleep. Sorry everything is so bleak. Do things feel easier in spring?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 31/01/2012 10:55

My sense of purpose I suppose it to be happy and healthy and of course wanting the same for my family.

My real purpose though I believe was to have my DS........I am fulfillled now he is here although dont get me wrong, I do a lot for me that doesnt involve him. I am a very active person with lots of nice friends and a wonderful family so I count my blessings.........my one sadness is that my lovely mum isnt here to share my life anymore :( but apart from that, life is ok!

Spring is nearly here, happier times are ahead for everyone I hope :)

lesley33 · 31/01/2012 11:07

I don't really think there is any purpose to life tbh. I don't mean that in a negative way, I just don't think on the grand scale of things our lives really matter.

So I think all we can do is the best we can for our kids, family, friends and others we come into contact with. So I gues my "purpose" is to try and make my life, the life of those I love and everyone I come into contact with that bit happier. God that does sound very hippyish

wordfactory · 31/01/2012 11:07

I have a very strong sense of my purpose and set goals accordingly.

In respect of my DC it is to bring them up to be independent (from family, the state etc) adults so that they will have the freedom to enjoy their lives. I parent with this aim consciously in mind.

In respect of my DH, it is to support him in whatever choices he makes.

In respect of my career, it is to make raise awareness of certain issues close to my heart through the medium of entertainment.

MateyMooo · 31/01/2012 11:08

i dont.

i dont feel the need.

I'm puzzled at the threat tbh why does anyone want to define the purpose of their life?

Omphaloskepsis

wordfactory · 31/01/2012 11:13

So that I can be the captian of my own ship mateymoo.

I don't want to feel 'rudderless' as the op describes. I don't want to be a victim of chance.

attheendoftheday · 31/01/2012 11:15

Mine would be to do more good than harm in the world and to raise my daughter to do the same.

lostboysfallin · 31/01/2012 11:21

not sure
I'm a daughter, a sister, a niece, a wife and of course a mother. But don't seem to very good at any of them

My purpose right now is to keep DS safe and happy.

MateyMooo · 31/01/2012 11:21

yes but even if you have a 'rudder' and set your course
you are at the vagaries of the sea.

its like trying to juggle water, its pointless

lesley33 · 31/01/2012 11:26

I agree mateymoo - you can have goals and plans, but at some level you need to accept that you can't control life.

RealLifeIsForWimps · 31/01/2012 11:27

Hmm, have to disagree. The more purposeful you are in life, the harder you are to knock off course. People who know what they want can assess opportunities/threats that arise against what it means for their life aims. They're not easily distracted. Generally I think it's better to know what you want from life, even if you don't end up getting it

"Aim for the moon. If you miss you might still touch the stars" and all that

MateyMooo · 31/01/2012 11:32

so everyone on here wants to be a good mum (show me someone who doesnt, who would aspire to being a bad mum)
but even this is beyond your personal control.

I went to university, got a degree, followed a career, made redundant. did any of my planning account for anything? no

i still dont see how 'defining' your life makes it more managable or more in control.... unless of course you are prime mininster.... even then....

lynniep · 31/01/2012 11:33

I dont really have a purpose but I do always have a series of mini-projects (and they can be as mundane as you like) that keep me going. This can be something I need to buy for the kids (I like the challenge of finding the best deeal possible) or making something (something crafty for a present, things for my DS's birthday for example, or even assembling a wardrobe.) All these things keep me sane. I'd love to find my 'purpose' ie. find a job I love or a hobby I love, but mostly I just drift along and because of my mini-projects thats fine.

RealLifeIsForWimps · 31/01/2012 11:38

Why is being a good mum beyond individual control? Some people are naturally better at it than others but others put more effort into it as well. It's definitely something you can control to an extent. You might not be able to make yourself the world's best mother, but you can certainly be adequate.

I've been made redundant twice. So what? You'll get something else.

I'm not saying that shit isn't going to happen. Of course it is. It's how you deal with the shit that maketh the man.

MateyMooo · 31/01/2012 11:49

sorry i made my point poorly

everyone wants to be a good mum, and keep her kids safe, but life happens, something lifechanging could happen to one or both parents, something could happen to the child that is beyond your control.

does that make you a bad mum? does that mean that you have failed to meet your definintion of yourself so that it makes your life invalid?

for example,
i have 2 elder sisters and 2 younger ones. both my elder sisters got pregnant at 16. neither of them planned or married- just stupid really. anyway, my little sister said that she would be married before she had kids and that it was wrong to bring children up in one parent families.

So little sis marries a complete arse, and has kids. hes abusive but because she has said that she will NEVER be a one parent family she wont leave. he abuses her and the kids again and again and again.

Finally she leaves him, but cant get on with her life, because BY HER OWN DEFINITION she is a failure. we have tried telling her that she has done the right thing becuase the kids arnt being abused anymore and that she has 'saved' them. but nothing works becuase she is cornerned by her own 'judgy pants'

surely time spent defining yourself is completely worthless because it changes without your permission or sometimes even without your knowledge, and it changes so often

strictlovingmum · 31/01/2012 11:58

Agree with all of you:health, happiness and confidence.
To enjoy life to the full, not to just drift, to see my children grow up into the responsible balanced and healthy adults, to hopefully have grandchildren and time to enjoy them.
To be good to myself, to my husband and good mother to my children, and last but not least to exist also as single entity, woman with all the attributes and not "just the mother", never to forget myself, something along those lines.
Also for the nature to take it's natural course, for me to die before my children.

lovesadirtylie · 31/01/2012 12:02

I want to live for as long as possible, in order to see what happens re science and technology..thats the only overarching long term goal that I can get enthusiastic about.

In the short term, well, just try and enjoy day to day life, find things to distract me from the things that piss me off.
encourage my children to develop their own support networks

Strawberrytallcake · 31/01/2012 12:10

To make my dc happy and stable and keep as healthy as I can so I'm always around to do so. To try lots of different food and restaurants and pass on lots of recipes to dc, sleep and relax as much as possible, have as many holidays as I can and wear as many tulle skirts as possible but not all at the same time.

RealLifeIsForWimps · 31/01/2012 12:11

Mateymoo I see what you're saying, but what is wrong is that your sister can't move on from failure (as she sees it- I think her definition is flawed) not that she was wrong to set her sights high in the first place. People who aim high will probably fail more in life than those who don't.

My mum, (who I've already hero worshipped on the mum thread) used to say "Not failure but low aim is crime"

It's tricky though, because you have to invest enough in your ambitions to give them a chance of succeeding, wothout letting the failure consume you if it doesnt work out

I think it's a good idea to have several ambitions in different areas of your life so that if one goes tits up, you've still got the others

strictlovingmum · 31/01/2012 12:11

Strawberrytallcake

SetFiretotheRain · 31/01/2012 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DivineInspiration · 31/01/2012 12:12

I drift. I remember my headteacher at secondary school giving an assembly with the motto that if you don't know where you're going in life then that's where you'll end up. Or something. That's me: but on the whole, it's not been a bad way to go about living. I'm the rudderless ship some posters have talked about not wanting to be, and I've been blown off course a few times in my life - but it's always turned out to be a good course, after all. Or maybe I've just been able to turn it around because I don't have a plan as such and am thus more open to chancing all my options? Perhaps being very driven also makes some people more narrowly focused? I don't know.

I have a vague direction, which is mostly my career path, and I suppose that it gives me a sense of purpose and an understanding of my position in the world. I work in a social policy field and know that what I do does help make the UK a better place in a small way. DP and I live in a very special house, and whilst it belongs to us in a financial property ownership way, we also consider it to 'belong' to everybody - it's part of the history and heritage of our area and I'm very proud to be here taking care of it. That I suppose also gives me a sense of being a preserver and keeper. Although I got here - 'here' being both what I do and where I live - purely by accident.

Flip

1 2 3