aibu to assume she obviously bitches about me too..

[RastyNash]

So i have a friend who bitches about another mutual friend yet goes to parties at her house and meets with her frequently despite telling me she feels so suffocated by her.

Recently i have come to realise that perhaps we aren't quite the good friends i thought we were as it dawned on me that she cancels seeing me using the other friend as a reason not to come (saying she just cant face seeing her again), allowed this friend to visit her 2 or 3 times when she was in hospital but told me she was too tired the night i offered.

Latest thing she told me she wasn't inviting my dd to her ds's party (they r the same age) because it was boys only, it transpired it wasn't, but she told me in would mean inviting this mutual friend (no child age of birthday boy) and other girls and so the boys only was the only way to go about it.

I can't help feeling like perhaps all along she has been bitching about me too. I have tried to be a good friend and also never force myself on her as i know she likes her space but now i feel i have been a fool.

AIBU and jumping to conclusions. Even my dh is now feeling uncomfortable about it and normally everything goes straight over his head!

Can't help feeling like an idiot and i suppose a bit hurt.

AIBU

Thanks Popcorn thats a lovely thing to say. The one person who hates the way I am more than anyone else is my own Mum. The only way I can describe her is as a female Norris Cole from Corrie. I am a nice person and I do have a good sense of humour. The friends i have hung onto say so, so it must be true. :o

Don't feel bad OP!

Yes, you're right - you have worked out what the situation probably is very astutely, I'd say.

And it has NOTHING to do with you, what you may or may not have done. Or the other friend. The root of it will, alas, be HER - it's just the person she is! A gossip, a bit of a backstabber, a flaky friend at best.

Some people are just like that. Sad, as what you will now do is distance yourself. And so will other friends. I know a person who is like this. I would never class her as a proper friend or let her in to my life in any major way. She's nice, but not to be trusted an inch sadly. She doesn't get it at all. She makes a 'new best friend' every year or so, it's all brilliant, then fizzles out. She's never kept a friend yet. She has no long-term, trusted friends. They all turn out to be 'bitches' in the end... Well. There you go. That's a lot of coincidences on the old bitch-ometer.

Distance yourself and don't feel that you've done anything wrong here.

You are probably right, if she is bitching to you she is probably bitching about you.

Out of interest what does "not sure she is trying to be clever about the situation. Doubt she has the head space for that." mean?

oggy i just meant that she has alot going on in her life, she is a busy mum of three, constantly stressed out trying to keep on top of the house, the kids, life in general. I doubt she has room in her head to purposely mistreat a friend. I think perhaps she just doesnt think. But it hurts all the same.

Ok, I understand.

I would say that my experience is that some people are stream of consciousness, say whatever comes into their head impulsively type people and others are more guarded.

It may be that she doesn't mean to bitch but just says what other people may also think and manage to keep in their head, but doesn't actually mean any harm by it.

We all get a bit annoyed by things or people sometimes but just choose to be diplomatic about it, some people aren't so good with the diplomacy so every petty annoyance comes streaming out. Doesn't mean they are a nastier or bitchier person necessarilly, we might all be thinking the same thing, but some of us are better at keeping it to ourselves.

Not sure if that makes any difference.

TBH i am not so bothered about her 'bitching' as it was more a discussion about this friend having no idea when to give another person a break as she is just quite intense, its the way she is. I am more hurt at her thoughtless treatment of me which i find hurtful. Just doesnt seem like she cares about my feelings. WHole thing has become a total nightmare with her now hardly looking at me on the school run. I mean ffs she is the one who has shunned me.