Interfering aunt.

[Jelly15]

My unmarried, childless (too much time on her hands) SIL has texted my DS1(19), who is away in uni, to remind him it is his father's birthday tomorrow. DS and I bought his present weeks ago and he doesn't need reminding and if he did I would have done so before today. DS is offened she would think he could forget and doesn't think it is her place to remind him. She has requested him as a friend on facebook and he has declined but she can't take a hint and butt out. He is really enjoying being independent and doesn't want or need her treating him like this, I don't and I am his mother, I suppose that is why we are close and he hasn't got time for her.

I think she is lonely and have always been welcoming to her but as time has gone on and she has tried to interfer too often I have lost patience and now try avoid her, which is what my DH has been doing for years. This latest trick has made me spit feathers, am I over reacting and AIBU?

YABU

He's an adult, if he doesn't need her reminding him he can tell her that himself.

She's family, she's hardly sacrificing children to the dark gods.

Try finding somethng real to get upset about

He could text her "by accident" a picture of something, ah, unsuitable? No! not that you filthy minded lot, but a huge turd or his latest verrucca or his housemates wanksock on the floor or something. That should remind her he's a grown up...

I fel a bit sorry for her actually.

"Ithink she is lonely" and "now ty to avoid her, which is what my DH has been doing for years". DS has "declined her bus she can't take a hint"

Has she got any other family? Maybe she is is just trying to be involved in your family because she has none of her own. A bit annoying for you but I still think you should be a bit patient and just try to ignore the more intrusive stuff if you can.

I don't really get why you and your ds are so offended. Is there a backstory apart from her being lonely and wanting contact with her nephew?

Gosh, she wanted to make sure her brother's birthday wasn't forgotten. What a bitch.

YABU with the snide "unmarried, childless (too much time on her hands)" remark. Do you know why she's unmarried and childless? She could well be achingly lonely and wants to be involved in her family. Your adult son is more than capable of politely texting back to say "Cheers auntie, birthday sorted last week, how are you?" rather than bitching about her to you. But then, you and he are close and he hasn't got time for her. Charming.

YABU. I agree with Worraliberty, he's old enough to tell her himself that he's got it all under control thank you very much!

Fwiw it does sound like she was trying to be helpful,.

"unmarried, childless (too much time on her hands)". Lovely. So she's some sad old spinster who has nothing better to do than keep in touch sometimes with her family? If I were her, I really wouldn't bother. And as others have said, if he's that grown up, he could deal with this himself rather than bitching to mummy. You've made me very cross.

In what way has she interfered in the past? Why do you think her reminding your ds is a 'trick'?

Jelly15 you are horrible and your ail sounds lovely

SIL

Unless there is a lot more to this that you have, for some reason, neglected to mention then you are being vvvv unreasonable.

Are you a bit jealous of her trying to get in on your close relationship with your son op? I'm sure there's more than enough love to go round.

I gave you the benefit of the doubt after the lovely "unmarried, childless (too much time on her hands)" opener, but the rest of the post did little to redeem you.

So have a nice, juicy YABU.

He's an adult, couldn't he just text back, yeah, I remembered present, sorted weeks ago
Surely he doesn't need his mum to get all indignant on his behalf and fight his battles if he's being an independent adult

Oh and I think BU to be spitting feathers over it
Have you got too much time on your hands now he's at uni?

After reading the replys I read my op back and I admit I sound a horrible bitch but there is history here and I suppose I was just venting. I have made many allowances for her crossing the line over the years and I thought that now DSs were grown up she would stop trying to order them around.

Despite her slapping DS hard across the leg when he was seven and telling people complete lies about how she had to help us look after the children when they were babies, because we didn't have a clue, and too many other incidents to post about, I have put the fall outs behind us. I have welcomed her into my home weekly and included her at Christmas and family celebrations. I should have put a bit more info in my op and counted to ten before I let off steam.

I am duly embarrassed for the snide remarks.

My Mum does this. I find it a little patronising that she doesn't trust me to remember, but I appreciate it is kindly meant. I don't think it's a big deal

As a loving aunt she was probably glad of an 'excuse' to send a message - I'm sure she didn't really think he'd forget. I think you're forgetting that some people can be a little clumsy when expressing opinions to close family - they aren't as polite as they would be with a casual acquaintance or even a friend.

What the hell is wrong with what she did?

Most of these type of threads are about inlaws and not the OP's direct family.

YABVU and slightly controlling.

Hey, my son is at uni and even ignores my texts!

He sure wouldn't be answering any aunties!

Get a grip. And let him be. Not his fault she is unmarried and childless....

Sounds like my aunty, shes selfish, plays the martyrdom card and makes up stuff about helping family to truly fruitcake levels, l am bucking thread trend, yanbu, but let it go, she will always do this sort of shit.