Would you tell the piano teacher the real reason for leaving?

[dulwichparkrunner]

My son's piano teacher is very good and her students get good results. However, she's frequently grumpy and from to time she's downright unpleasant.

Today, she told my 7-year old son that he is cheeky and has been cheeky to her before. (He really isn't cheeky and wouldn't cheek an adult). She says he asks questions in a cheeky manner. My mum was with him and was left speechless, as she felt it wasn't appropriate for her to contradict the teacher in front of my son, although she felt it was unjustified criticism. To his credit, my son looked at her stoney-faced but said nothing.

This follows a report before Xmas in which she said if he "huffed and puffed less during it would be more pleasant for everyone concerned.". He only huffs with effort, so I was taken aback by the petty nature of this report.

As he is about to take an exam, we are not going to say anything until after the exam. But at that point I think we will reluctantly have to look for another teacher as I don't feel I can subject him to this, even though her bad moods don't spoil every lesson. It's just we never know what mood she'll be in from one day to the next.

I wonder if she thinks being 'mean' is part of the technique of getting the best out of children. She mentioned that she had been 'very mean' to another child right before the exam, implying that it had spurred him on.

The thing is, she is good and she could be brilliant, if she could get a grip of her bad moods and also be a little more encouraging. I almost feel it might be worth having an honest chat. My husband and mum say not to - just to move him and that it's not our problem.

I know of two other children whose parents have dropped out of her class because of her bad temper, neither have told her the truth. I am sure she has no idea that her reputation is as it is.

Would you tell her?

'he only huffs with effort '

Well, you are payong her - if you arent happy with her services, procure someone you are happy with.

If you find another teacher and go, then do tell her. It's not as if she'll be giving your son a reference.

i would tell her. You cant expect her to change if you dont tell her what theproblem is, and if she doesnt change then thats her look out!

I would say to leave asap. I had a couple of horrendous wimmin teach me piano when i was your son's age and it was not a pleasant experience.

The fact that you are paying for lessons ... I would stop lessons and tell her why too. It's not like you will "need" her in the future ( hopefully!! )

I am sure all piano teachers are temperamental and highly strung.. mine certainly was.

However, if she gets good results, as mine did, then she is doing the right thing.

I do think it may not be a wise move to leave her, as it wont do your son any harm to meet a teacher who isnt soft, and who doesnt pander, like so many teachers seem to do, because the kids are just not used to being told off.

Are you or your mother actually sitting in on all the lessons?

O/T all music teachers are either wildly bohemian, flowers in their hair, beads and sandles (thats the men ) or quite bizzarely uptight Miss Jean Brodie types (ooh thats the men too!!!)

They just aren't normal mainstream people - clearly something about tooting a flute sets them off

"Huff and puff" to me would mean he makes a fuss about doing things, not the way he breathes.

Yes. I would.

What's the point in lying?

If people don't give honest feedback, they deny the person the opportunity to look at their behaviour and decide whether or not they are willing to make changes.

Never met a music teacher who was anything but grumpy and temperamental yet.

Move him.

My music teachers made my younger years utterly miserable. I have never forgiven my parents for making me have lessons.

Sounds like every bloody music tutor I ever had. Put me off for life, despite the fact that in retrospect I realise I was quite good.

Tell her the truth, but don't expect her to give a shit.

Sometimes piano teachers are frustrated concert pianists who never particularly wanted to be teachers, so they can lack talent as teachers whilst still being fantastic musicians. That's not an excuse though. However good a teacher she is, if your son doesn't get on with her it would be better to move on. I probably wouldn't bother explaining why as it'll just be awkward and you don't owe her an explanation.

Wow! Some massively generalised statements re. Music teachers there! Don't forget the ones who love to teach, make lessons a balance of fun and hard work and maintain a healthy professional music career alongside the teaching. Mentioning no names....

I think she sounds marvelous! I also think your DS will get a good grounding with her. She sounds like a proper artist who can't be arsed with huffing.

I would quit and not tell her the truth, but then I don't like confrontation. If she is grumpy with your DS, she may have a super grump when you tell her why he's leaving .

I would and I have. DD1 and her second piano teacher had a huge clash of personality to the extent dd would leave the lesson in tears from time to time. I admit she was a sensitive young girl who has hardened up over the years but at the time I just wanted her to enjoy her music.

I simply told the teacher that my daughter didn't enjoy her lessons any more and that there was a clash of personality. I think she was quite shocked but I had to tell her (was quite a scary thing to do though).

Not all music teachers are bonkers, weird or harridans! We're using four for various children at the moment, all lovely.
Some teachers (of any subject) are horrid and unsympathetic, but get results. Others are sweet, but don't get the results. And some are sweet and effective.
Hang on in there until the exams are done, start looking for another teacher from personal recommendation, and feel free to tell her what you think when you pick him up after the last lesson; however, since she does seem to get her students good grades from what you said, I doubt she'll change her mind about the way she treats pupils.

"he has been cheeky" v "he wouldn't cheek an adult"

Which is it?

My dds piano teacher is an absolute delight, kind, talented and very funny so stop generalising.

Thank v much for all these replies - it's given me a lot to mull over - and made me laugh too.

Squeakytoy: yes, either my mum or me always sit in on the lessons, so I can honestly say he hasn't been cheeky although her perception is that he asks questions in a cheeky manner.

I do take your point about it being good to meet a teacher who doesn't pander - that's the view I've taken up till now. The fact she is so good outweighed the grumpiness. But I think we've reached a tipping point.

Thank you to you all for the advice, I have read them all with great interest and am really grateful.

I am surprised you sit in on the lessons to be honest. I learnt from the age of 5 and not once did my parents sit in. Perhaps he would benefit from you not being there watching.

I almost walked out of my first lesson with a new teacher (as an adult) as she was busy effing and blinding at the teenage student before me. Turns out she had a heart of gold, was a stupendous teacher and just totally bonkers mildly eccentric. All her students loved her, me included, even though she frequently told me to stop 'huffing and puffing like a blue-arsed fly' as I played .

I'd say that if your son isn't happy with her style, he clearly needs to move. Not that much point in telling her to be honest, she presumably knows how she teaches and has decided that it's effective. But in choosing a new teacher, beware the excessively lovely fluffy smiley ones. To some extent imo you do need to be a little abrasive as a successful music teacher! It's a hard thing learning an instrument, and you need to be able to take criticism.

I would not

OMG zombie thread, I’m sure the piano teacher has been sacked one way or another six bloody years later!