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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My 5 year old dd is upset at being dumped! WWYD

35 replies

shazmark · 30/01/2012 17:40

Before you all say why on earth does a 5 year old need a relationship - I agree. it is ridiculous. However today a boy in her class who she thought was her "boyfriend" announced he wanted to marry another girl. So far so ridiculous- however i only got this out of my daughter after prolonged questions and after the class teacher telling me she had been off form and withdrawn all afternoon and was refusing to go to school tomorrow and crying.

I know these things happen and the little boy has done absolutely nothing wrong to her. I have now told dd about the joys of being "a single lady"- and we have sung the beyonce song and she appears to be cheering up. However should I do anything else? Does the teacher need to know about it - I am wary of turning this molehill into a mountain? I hate to see her sad and just want her to be back to her usual self rather than moping about.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 30/01/2012 17:41

She will have forgotten about it by tomorrow!!!

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2012 17:43

All that's happened here is that two friends have fallen out and one friend prefers another friend.

Quite why Beyonce comes into it is beyond me.

Kids squabble, they fall out, they get upset and they make up.

Just give her a cuddle when she needs one and pay it far less attention is my advice.

StrandedBear · 30/01/2012 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OriginalJamie · 30/01/2012 17:43

Well, if relationship means friendship, and I think in a 5 year old it probably does .... you might want to find out if your DD has had mean things said too her, is being excluded, or is finding herself without children to play with. That's all I'd mention to the teacher, if your DD seems out of sorts. Get them to keep an eye on her.

I wouldn't mention relationships or single ladies

OriginalJamie · 30/01/2012 17:44

I also agree it will probably blow over quickly

accidentprawn · 30/01/2012 17:46

it will all blow over! DD once had a fake " marriage " at school ( got vicar and everything!) then the boy said " i dont like you anymore we arent married!" she was upset but she has forgotten now.

Original poster

shazmark · 30/01/2012 17:49

relationship definitely means friendship nothing else. Only did the single ladies thing as dd was muttering about all her friends being married and having more fun than her and she had noone to play with when they do married games. It is obviously a stage but as she loves Alvin and chipmunks and they sing the song I thought it was a way to get her to be happy about the situation - nothing more!! She is obsessed with "marrying", weddings, etc and so it was just meant to be a way to let her know she will have fun anyway. Anyway we quite enjoyed dancing to it- although appreciate it is probably quite inappropriate!!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2012 17:49

prawn I hope her divorce lawyer ensured she took him for every marble and chocolate bar he had

accidentprawn · 30/01/2012 17:51

worraliberty i have never seen so many crunchies, dairy milks and marbles in my life. I even saw them in my sleep! :o

CalamityKate · 30/01/2012 17:53

I think that mentioning Beyonce and "single ladies" is just going to encourage the rather depressing notion that anyone so little can have "boyfriends".

I'd give her a bracing talk about how other children are FRIENDS regardless of gender, that nobody her age has boyfriends, and that you don't want to hear any more such nonsense. Then shoo her off to play with some mud or something.

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2012 17:55

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2012 17:59

Actually OP having thought about this...

Do you think all this playing at getting married thing might be a sort of popularity contest amongst the kids? You know like 'Sarah got 4 proposals today so she's more popular than Kelly'....that sort of thing?

If so, I'd discourage her from playing that game altogether because you can just imagine the daily fall outs it might cause.

accidentprawn · 30/01/2012 18:00

least he had good taste in choclate...

waterlego6064 · 30/01/2012 18:01

My 6 year-old has been quite obsessed about marriage and boyfriends. I honestly don't know where it came from; not from us, certainly. I would hear tales (from various sources e.g. her classmates and their mums!) of boys fighting over her and one boy in particular threatening to kill another boy because my DD 'loves' him. It freaks me out so I'm just trying to downplay it as much as possible and she seems to have calmed down a bit now. I'm sure your DD will be fine.

festi · 30/01/2012 19:52

you need to get the notion of boyfriends, ownership and single lady out of her head for a start. then she will realsie he is her friends, the other girl is her friend and it is all just a game and they should all play nicely together.

for wanting to tell the teacher. I know your post in mostly in jest but I fear you are sending a very damaging lesson to your young dd about the relationship between males and females.

EauDeLaPoisson · 30/01/2012 19:54

I'm cringing at the Beyonce thing

olgaga · 30/01/2012 20:21

I'm cringing too. Squirming in fact. "Boyfriends"? Did you know about this "boyfriend"? Why didn't you put her right about friendship?

Beyonce? Single Ladies? At 5?

Give me strength.

YouOldSlag · 02/02/2012 23:28

YANBU. My Ds (age 5) has been "dumped" by a beautiful 6 year old who has declared she is no longer his girlfriend. I have given him a pep talk, said he's got plenty of time for that when he starts High School and when I was 6 I thought all boys were silly etc, but nothing stopped those little tears slipping down his cheeks as he went to sleep and that was a whole week after the fact.

I didn't get a boyfriend til I was 17 but I just couldn't cheer him up. Bloody heartless beautiful 6 year old girls!

JuluLu · 03/02/2012 05:42

This sort of thing makes me feel slightly nauseous, to be honest. Tell her that at 5, she doesn't need a "boyfriend", and is not a "single lady".

All that crap about babies flirting with each other makes me want to vomit.

kayjaybabe · 03/02/2012 05:53

I actually remember "getting married" to my grade 1 crush under this huge tree at school.

I think no matter what age humans are they will always have the boyfriend/girlfriend stage, its completely normal!!
Although when your five your still to scared to even talk to your "boyfriend".

She will most likely have a new boyfriend next week, i dread the day my DD gets her first boyfriend but its an exprience we all have and should go through. She will be fine :)

rumcrumble · 03/02/2012 06:35

When I was 5 I wanted to marry my dad :)

YouOldSlag · 03/02/2012 08:09

JuluLu- none of this is remotely sexual or romantic so nothing to feel nauseous about. It's more like a popularity thing and "who's your favourite this week". I can't stop this as all the kids in his class do it at breaktime. Saying it's wrong does nothing to stop it going on, I think a lot of kids this age do this and always have.

Nevertheless, my son cried real tears and there was nothing "nauseous" about his rejection. If something hurts him enough to make him cry, I will take it seriously.

LeBOF · 03/02/2012 08:24

It's just daft to frame it in those terms. Your job as a parent is to be brisk and no nonsense and distract her- not encourage it with further iage-inappropriate idiocy.

LeBOF · 03/02/2012 08:26

That's to the 'creepy' query btw, not the OP- but I guess the same applies, if in less brusque terms.

TroublesomeEx · 03/02/2012 08:28

JuluLu Actually, babies/toddlers do 'flirt' or rather, adult women (usually) mimic those baby/toddler behaviours when flirting (obviously not overtly sexual flirting).

That's because babies/toddlers exhibit behaviours that makes adults feel protective towards them and want to do things for them and care about them.

Adult women can mimic these behaviours - batting eyes, smiling coyly, etc because it elicits a similar response from men.

Not very PC, but it's a biological imperative so not a lot we can do about it!

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