well i dont even know where to start.......i am a mother of 2 beautiful children and have been with my partner for nearly 5 years.
when we first got together both of us were in a bad way, him from the break up of his last relationship, which resulted in him losing his house and job and trying to end his life, and i had turned to drink when my marrige had broken down, i stopped drinking when i left my marrige. well as i say we have now been together for almost 5 years,
we have had our ups and downs like every other couple. my partner has always been a big drinker, but i put that down to his break up, so thought in time his drinking would decrease and we could all be one as a family. we have had many many arguments and discussions about his drinking over the years, how it effects us as a family, everytime he says he will change and stop drinking, when my partner has had a large amount of drink he becomes nasty, slams doors, throws things, screams and shouts in my face, even when he has a couple of drinks, this more times than not results in him sleep walking, he trys to climb in wardrobes switching lights and appliances on in the house, waking me up from my sleep accusing me of having a "go" at him, which means i have to be alert at all times.
my partner has a drink every night, and drinks in the day at weekends. over the years this has taken quite a toll on myself and the kids, it all came to ahead last august, my partner even though he had quite a bit to drink insisting on going with my 8 yr old daughter to the shop (its on the same street she had been loads of times by herself) when they returned my daughter had said that he kept stumbling into the road, at hearing this he just erupted, accusing my girl of being a lying bitch, he started screaming and shouting, swearing really up in my face, all i could do was just leave and go upstairs with my 2 children we were all scared, when my partner has had a drink i have learnt to just avoid him. as i said it started taking its toll on me, i couldnt sleep as everytime i closed my eyes all i saw was him screaming in my face, i was crying all the time, the slightest thing was scaring me, i was shaking, constant headache, i couldnt take it anymore, so i packed his bags and asked him to leave, he did his usual "im sorry, i will stop drinking, i love you, please give me another chance" routine, i repeatedly asked him to leave but he refused saying i was making the wrong decision and he couldnt live without me and my kids and i really tried to stick to my desicion, but there was that voice in my head saying what if he harms himself, i would have caused it. its like a massive black cloud over me, so i gave him one last chance...............
forward a month of us trying to work it out and he wakes one morning and has loss of vision, several trips to the hospital and hes admitted with a infection somewhere in his body causing the damage to his eyes, the hospital have never found this infection and he still has to take medicine daily and have injections into his eyes to try get his eyesight back to what it was.
so here we are are 5 months after all his promises and his drinking hasnt stopped and my life is basically the same, his latest excuse for being a nasty drunk was because i innocently told my sister that he leapt out of his chair cheering when his football team scored, other people were there but as far as he was concerned he didnt move, so all hell broke loose, i was accused of make stuff up and using that as a excuse to be horrible to him, again i had to leave the room to calm the situation, its seems that mine and the kids lives are spent upstairs out of his way, i havent sleept for about 3 weeks, im crying all the time, i dont seem to be able to function other than taking care of the childrens needs, i tried speaking to him this weekend but he says his usual routine, and that its the stress of having to have a injection in his eye again tomorrow, i told him that i cant cope anymore and is response was that i agreed to take care of him, he needs me.
i really feel like crap, its like being blackmailed, if i end it he might harm himself, and i cant throw a ill man out.
i just dont know what to do anymore, its tearing me and my children apart.
please help.