to expect help when poorly.

[mum80]

Had a tummy bug last and still ended up doing most of bedtime routine. Now this morning dh was working from home. Got up logged on laptop and holed himself in the study.
I ended up having to make all the dc's lunches, breakfasts etc whilst still feeling fragile. In fact I actually was a little sick when I went in downstairs loo. (Think dh had been in before as definate man smell in there)
Don't know whether I should be moaning as of course I know he works hard. Does 40 hour weeks with commute whilst I have it relatively easy as 3 dc now at school ans I only work very part time.
Fotunately feel ok now but just looking for some perspective.

Well if he's working from home, he's expected to be actually working and not doing childcare.

However he surely could have done the bedtime routine last night, if you weren't well, and got up a bit earlier to make breakfasts. Did he know you were feeling so bad?

He should have helped. It wouldn't have cut into his work time.
He should be pulling his weight with the DCs even when you're not ill. He's their parent too.

YABU - he is working from home. You have to treat him as though he's not there, largely. You can't expect him to make lunches etc while you loll on the sofa feeling "fragile".

altinkum Mon 30-Jan-12 10:58:00

he is the children's father, ds is home poorly today and Ive phoned dh up and asked him to come home, he is, as I cannot cope with ds1 on my own, while ds2 needs entertained

Funny- most people manage, what do single parents do?

I'm a single parent to 5......but I would still hope someone else could do the food handling, cos one thing you avoid when on your own with kids, is d+v type bugs which work their way through us all!!

The someone else in my case would be one of my teens...

he should have the lunch as all you doing is spreading the bug around by doing them yourself.

and yes he could do the school run but anything else no

only call hubby home if need to go to hospital other wise you have to cope

But altinkum, you have RUNG your DH to come home from work as you can't cope?? What's wrong, why can't you??( is there a backstory?)

I have a bug too. Wasn't feeling great yesterday and was up all night being ill. DD (6 months) is still in our room and I didn't want to wake her up so DH didn't know I was ill until he was getting up for work this morning. When I told him I was ill, he contacted his boss and arranged to work from home, on the understanding that his main priority was the child care (also have DS aged 4 who had to go to school). If it was just a head cold then I would say YABU but if you're feeling like I do, then YANBU. Not only are you fit for nothing, you want to avoid passing a nasty bug to everyone else if at all possible.

It's very rare that this happens (thankfully) and if one of the DCs were ill, I would've taken the day off work. If you are ill, you can't help it and I think your DH could have lightened your load a little.

Hope you get well soon :)

YABU, and Altinkum.. words fail me really about you. You do not need your husband home to help you cope with a 6yo child who has an upset stomach.

yanbu. Assuming a 40 hour week is 8 per day he could have worked 8.30 to 5.30. Therefore he wolud have been available to do food prep.
Plus should have done bedtime last night.

Thank you for your replies. I didn't expect help to encrouch into the working day as such. All I really wanted was a little help with foodie bits. Being near food wasn't what I really wanted today.
Probably I would let morning bit go normally. However, at one point last night I had youngest dc nagging me to help with his pyjama pant whilst on loo. Sorry TMI alert. Allthis happened whilst dh was watching tv.
I guess that's the problem with being a SAHM. You can't go sick. You just have to carry on. However, it seems acceptable to "loll around on the sofa" when you work outside of home.
I am now much better thank you.

My DH never helps me or is sympathetic if I'm ill. He is a bit better now after I nearly left him over it a year ago but he still gets very moody if I'm ill and would never take a day off work over it.

YANBU, OP

My DH would never take time off if I was ill and never takes time off when the DCs are ill. I work PT and if they need to stay off school then I have to do the juggling with work. His argument is its not the done thing in his job and as the main earner he can't afford to take thetime off. Funny though how he manages to make time for taking clients to watch cricket for an afternoon. Makes my blood boil....

Altinkinmum - are you an emetophobe? If so I hope you are getting help for it. How old are your kids? Surely you've had one / both of them ill before on your own?

I don't think it is anyone business why Altinkinmum's husband comes home to help out with sick children, if her husband does this willingly what is the problem?!

YANBU op but as a single mum I can only dream of help when sick. I have had flu countless times in the past year and each time have really struggled to look after and feed my baby, so you are definitely not alone.

OP, being a SAHM doesn't mean you're on duty 24/7 even when you're well.
What exactly does his lordship do around his own house?

He should have done the meals and bedtime. All this crap about women having to cope while men need time off, seriously. We all work hard, we all need help. It makes no sense for you to do toileting and food prep when you're sick because everyone will get sick.