to want to tell ex that ds doesn't like him

[lovebeinganana]

I have mentioned in other threads what a useless dad ex is so won't go there again but today he made me so angry that I want to tell him ds never wants to see him, cries when he knows he has to go to his house but as usual I wont because I don't think he needs to know - but he repeatedly texts me after ds visits to say ds didn't want to come home cried because he had to come home etc. I don't really believe him but I do realise that if ds was engrossed in activity he probably would moan about having to leave.

My argument is he doesn't need to be so spiteful and tell me (or make it up) just to try and get a reaction from me.

It's childish and you're right not to stoop to his level.

Your DS probably does cry when leaving his Dad as much as he cries when leaving you.

Kids miss their parents and that's a fact but he'll get used to it the older he gets.

YABVU.

It sounds as though your DS cries whenever he has to change over - certainly not a case of not liking either you or his dad, but just not liking the change.

Just because your ex says horrible things, what good do you think stooping to his level will do?

You telling him that his own son doesn't like him would not only be untrue, but would show precisely you giving him the 'reaction' you think he wants.

Time for you to grow up and put your son first.

He's doing this to wind you up. Pure and simple.

And it's working too.

Detach, breathe and let it go.

Honestly. You know the truth that your son loves you, and that is all that matters. Your X is probably talking through his arse and lying anyway.

Smile and nod. Smile and nod, while all the time thinking Die Fucker Die

Don't engage and don't play silly, childish games. The most important thing for your ds to know is that he is secure and loved by his parents. Not treated as ammunition in their mind games.

Your X is probably talking through his arse and lying anyway

I disagree

My DS2 was only 10 months when I split from my ex so they didn't have a particularly close relationship but he used to love staying overnight with him and would cry when it was time to come home because he loved him.

However, he also used to cry when leaving his Nan and Grandad's house, when he started Nursery, when he left Nursery and sometimes when his teddy was in the washing machine.

What they all said.
Please don't stoop to using your child as a psychological weapon.

As I said in my OP i wont tell him because he doesn't need to know, just needed to vent.

I am currently taking Ad and today I have been feeling especially low so what would normally go over my head has upset me.

I suppose I just want people to see/agree that he is a w***

Well it is a shitty thing that he did.

He sounds insecure actually, as though he's got the idea somehow that your son favours you so he's trying to even out the 'score'?

But with respect, OP, we don't know that he is a w* (whatever that is) because we don't know him or have personal experience of his behaviour. So although we can say he might sound unreasonable, we can't necessarily provide the validation you want.

Sorry posted to soon I know you don't know him I just needed support today because feeling really low. And I feel let down for ds that yet again during his visit to ex (for 5 hours ex's choice) that ex spends time texting me not playing with ds.

Been there done that

Don't text him back..not even once.

Then he can spend the time with his DS

Sorry read back posts and I sound so childish but today I feel like it. I can't talk to friends they are mainly single and don't really understand. My Mum is great but is not feeling too well today (nothing serious) so I suppose I was looking for someone else to hold hand, stroke hair and regardless of their true feelings let me rant and agree with me that he is horrible and let me say all the things I want to say to him but never will.

You've probably chosen the wrong topic to post in then

I can't say he's horrible because I don't know him, but texting you to tell you about DS crying 'because he doesn't want to come home' is a horrible thing to do.

I've no doubt your DS wasn't crying because he didn't want to go home to you...he was probably crying because he loves his Dad just as much as he loves his Mum and it's difficult when they both live apart.

Really, just ignore the petty texts and enjoy your son.

actually I would tell him ds cries when he has to go to his but not in a one up man ship, more in a how can we together help this child, it must be shit for him. also just necause he says he does not like his dad does not mean it is true. my dd says it all the time but I know she does not mean it, she just loves me more , no that is not true either she actually feels guilt some times and that is sad, it is difficult and conffusing for kids some times. But honestly tell exp he also cries when he leaves you and the crap between you both needs to stops as you want ds to feel confident and happy around both parents, not guilty or torn as that is what the tears tells me, that he feels bad for having to leave either one of you.

My ds is not aware of any bad feeling between us as we only see each other when I take ds to ex's house and when he brings him back. The only conversation we have is has he eaten lunch, has he been ok. We are not unpleasant to each other and for my part I never bad mouth ex to ds. Other than this our only contact is ex texting how is ds today the only reply he wants as he has told me is he is fine. He knows I will contact him if there is any problem with ds.

What stands out the most to me in your OP is that ds may have issues with the to-ing and fro-ing. My dd did when we were in a similar situation to you (divorced parents, kids chopping and changing from one house to the other) and it really did her head in. She hated change (still does).

Maybe in a more rational moment you could discuss with ex ways to minimise the shifting ds has to do. Not that there's a whole lot you can do about it really, if ds is to spend quality time with you both; AND if ex is reasonable enough for you to have that sort of discussion with that is....

Just about to go to bed but had to reply ex does not want to spend time with ds he sees him for 5 hours a week his choice and this is to save face with his family and friends who would be horrified if he didn't see ds.

Don't react and don't tell your ex that your DS doesn't like him. You can't speak for your son's feelings. If it's true, he'll tell him himself one day. You could tell him that DS tends to cry and says he doesn't want to go as well so he is either uncomfortable with change or he is trying to play you off one against the other.

or hes mentioning it because he may think you are doing something bad to your ds which is why he cries about going home.

shouldnt assume he is being an arsehole just as much as you shouldnt assume he lied about it or his child hates him.