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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dd should not give her school lunch to her friend

41 replies

ugt1 · 29/01/2012 12:34

DD is 10, and has a best friend who is 9. When her friend comes to our house she comes to our house and raids the cupboard when I am not looking. DD does not eat well so I tend to let her get food when she wants it, and I did originally tell her friend she could help herself to drinks and snacks etc.

However it soon became apparent that her eating was out of control and one day she went home and threw up cos she had eaten so much. I have now stopped her getting stuff without asking.

Last week she came and I thought they were role playing in the kitchen but when she left, it turns out she had eaten half a packet of rich tea and 3 fudges. She had already eaten a full happy meal.

DD has now told me that her friend asks for her lunch all the time and not just a bit, the whole lot. DD has borderline special needs and is easily blackmailed. Her friend has been emotionally blackmailing DD into giving her some of her food, and it seems to be getting more each day.

I don't think she is getting fed properly at home. She is almost 4ft 6 and only ways 4.5 stone.

What can I do? I am worried about her friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
ugt1 · 29/01/2012 13:45

Thanks again. I am 99% sure she is not suffering neglect. I don't think they are perfect parents by any stretch of the imagination, but who is? I am certainly not :)

MCos - it could be like the scenario you give.

OP posts:
Original poster
ugt1 · 29/01/2012 13:46

I don't know her height, she just looks skinny, but then again that could be her natural shape.

It was more the frozen sprout incident which freaked me.....

OP posts:
Original poster
ugt1 · 29/01/2012 13:47

I meant to say that I guessed her height. :)

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/01/2012 13:49

To be honest, I haven't commented on the frozen veg thing because I don't think it's an issue really. I'm sure you don't either or you would have put that in your OP...maybe they were just 'tasting' things and maybe she'd never tasted frozen veg before?

Me and my brother used to taste things out of the cupboards when we were little...like a spoon of instant coffee, gravy powder or bicarb of soda Grin

Children should look skinny but there are so many overweight children around (and adults) that I think we're all losing sight of that.

insanityscratching · 29/01/2012 13:50

There are though huge variations in what portions a child eats. Dd eats like a mouse and I have to remind myself when her friends come for tea to serve up substantially larger portions for them.
Because your dd eats very little maybe you do the same. Could you try offering larger portions of the meal you make to the girl? Maybe she is used to more at home.

D0oinMeCleanin · 29/01/2012 13:51

Dd2 has been known to eat frozen fish fingers, chips and vegetables. She has free access to the fruit bowl and helps herself to things from the fridge. If there is anything out of reach in the fridge (we tried to hide tastier things on the top shelf from her) she will stack up tubs of marg and butter or get tins out of the cupboard to stand on so she can reach the top shelf.

She just likes stealing food. She is well fed. She makes sure she is. Yesterday morning she ate breakfast made for her by dd1. Lied to me about having had breakfast already and ate porridge I made for her. She then asked DH for crisps because she hadn't had any breakfast. While I was at work she ate half a bunch of grapes, two bananas and a small tub of blueberries. She still ate lunch. She is an eating machine, but not at all overweight, god only knows how.

Maybe this child is just plain greedy? I'd speak to the school before SS. They should know if there are any other concerns.

festi · 29/01/2012 13:51

It won't be Prada-Willis, they have slow metabolisms as well as the hunger so are quite overweight from a young age. They also have mild to moderate Learning difficulties and OP has mentioned nothing of the sort.

Not true always, I worked with a young lad who has PW and with his diet under controle was very very skinny and tall, had mild asd but was maintsteam schooled. however with such issues i would imagine the school where aware and monitoring, however it may not be diagnosed in this childs a
case.

Original poster
ugt1 · 29/01/2012 13:54

I know of PW, and she does not fit the usual case of it.

I love frozen chips :) so maybe I am overreacting. I just sense desperation to eat everything in sight when she comes. She literally gorges herself. When we went to the xmas concert, she had four mince pies in half an hour.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/01/2012 13:58

When we went to the xmas concert, she had four mince pies in half an hour

Have you seen what some of the posters on here eat? Whole chocolate oranges/entire tins of Quality Street etc... Grin

Some people are simply greedy and have no self restraint.

But you're right to mention it to the school if you're still concerned.

Either way, you're certainly right to mention about her taking your DD's lunch.

LadySybilDeChocolate · 29/01/2012 14:19

Strange. Maybe her family live on shoots and salad? Mention it to the school though, if they already have suspicions about her then it will really help.

DeWe · 29/01/2012 16:10

My dc think that frozen veg (particularly peas) are a treat. Ds will eat a fish finger frozen if I give him a chance to. He prefers them frozen to cooked.

thepeoplesprincess · 29/01/2012 16:25

My oldest would do exactly the same if she was at a friend's house where there was free access to the kitchen and biscuit tin. She's not underfed- just a pig.

rhondajean · 29/01/2012 16:33

Haha dooin that sounds like my dd2. She is like a rake and you can see her little six pack on her tummy but she would eat constantly. She often tells me her dad hasn't fed her yet and vice versa - or will have a meal, come back half an hour later and ask me when is lunch/dinner etc.

I just put it down to her having a very fast metabolism and try to encourage her to eat "healthy choice" food as much as possible.

Frozen veg? That's nothing! One of my friends ate a dog biscuit on a visit to me when we were children!!

Hardgoing · 29/01/2012 16:34

Mine eat frozen peas and beans, they think they are a treat. That of itself is not a weird thing, she may do that at home (especially if they are into healthy food). Some children are piggy and don't know when to stop, I don't think a Happy Meal plus three small fudges is outrageous, it's not an ideal meal by any means, but some children will just eat and eat sweets. And unfortunately my dd2 has also eaten a big meal, plus an ice-cream and then been sick. I don't think this is that unusual behaviour.

The main issue is that your daughter shouldn't share her meal (I mean the teachers need to know this is an issue and to help her protect her dinner!), you might mention to the class teacher that this little girl seems really hungry all the time, so that if there are any other warning signs, they can be pieced together by the teacher. But there may well not be, she may just crave sweet things esp. if she is coming up for hormones/changes and take the chance when she can to pig out on them.

RabidEchidna · 29/01/2012 16:44

Prada Willis? Or not being fed at home?
I think talking to the school is a good start

ragged · 29/01/2012 20:20

DS (7) is a greedy guts, He could scoff 4 mince pies in 10 minutes I reckon.

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