AIBU to be REALLY annoyed that my friend failed to acknowledge my DD's 1st birthday?

[KGR1970]

To put it in context, we've been friends for 10 years. We see each other at least once a month. Her DS was born in Jan 10. When he turned 1, I went round to their house (only about 20 mins away) with a card and present. I did the same when he turned 2 a couple of weeks ago. It was my DD's first birthday last week and there was silence; not even a text or email, let alone a card. I've heard from her since but no mention was made. She's had no recent dramas to explain why she might have just forgotten.
It is still annoying me. Should I say something or just grow up and let it go?

I think it is a bit OTT to be really angry, but I certainly understand you would feel a bit hurt that she has been happy to accept cards and gifts from you whilst not even acknowledging your DCs birthday, especially when the birthdays are so close together.

Someone suggested that maybe she didn't want to 'get into' exchanging gifts etc. That may be so, but, IMO, the decent thing would have been to mention it to you before you turned up with a card and gift for her child. If you did the same last year, it's not as though you did it out of the blue, is it? I don't think I would say anything now, but I also would not be sending cards and gifts to her DC next year. If she mentions it to you, then I would just say that since she didn't do the same for your child as you have done for hers, you assumed she would rather not 'get into' exchanges of cards and gifts for the children's birthdays.

She forgot. Let it go and be gracious and unconcerned when/if it dawns on her that she has.

As a childless person whose first friend has just had their first child, I think YANBU. I support my friends through the major events in their lives, starting a family being one of them! My only reason for not buying said friend's dc a Christmas present this year was because my friend asked me not to bother due to large family and limited space (dc is 6mo). Of course i will remember dc's first birthday

YABU why would she even know what date the birthday is?

actually, i think if this is a good friend, i would be a little hurt too,she could have at least posted a card!
but instead of stewing, why dont you just mention it, casually i mean, just say for her birthday last week she got this, or we did.... and see what she says. If it goes over her head completely then maybe she just isnt into birthdays or forgot.
i think sometimes its best to ask if your doing birthdays/xmas for friends kids - then you know where you stand, and they dont feel obligated to buy if they dont do it, and you dont feel hurt.

YABU's. I would be horrified if all my friends remembered my dc birthday. They don't need presents, and it would just give me more jobs to do through the year. My dc birthday matter to me and go's. That's fine.

YABU.

Yabu I think. Some people are just really busy and have a LOT of birthdays to remember. Perhaps she has many friends with lots of kids between them and just can't do it for everyone

I couldn't hope to remember all birthdays of all kids of friends, family birthdays are hard enough!

It is understandable to be hurt, but you have to let it go.

As Oggy says, she may have a lot of friends, more than you do. I learnt this lesson upon visiting what I had assumed (presumed, even) to be my very good, close friend, and noticed that she had a new (naff) photo frame entitled "My Six Best Friends" (she is 40!) and I was not featured in it. That was a slap in the face, I can tell you, but it was a wake up call that not all relationships are equally balanced.

I think of myself as a good friend but always forget birthdays. Friends forget dd's birthday all the time and it does not bother me. I think of dd's birthday as a special day for us, not anyone else.

Once a month is not a close friend, IMHO

My best friend is like this, she genuinely doesn't know what day it is never mind the month! We've been best friends for 20 years and were born in the same week, she still forgets my birthday even though we have a joint night on the town for it every year and we see each other every 2 weeks! If she forgets things I tell her casually the next time I see her.

Eg how are you? How've your few weeks been?
Me: oh really busy! DS was 1 last week so we were organising grandparents coming round etc.

Cue mortification from friend. I'm sure she didn't mean to forget.

It's a bit passive Agressive I know but I couldn't build up the front to say " you forgot my DS birthday. ( it's expected she forgets mine and it's become a bit of running joke, she'll even buy me a belated birthday card before my birthday hahaa)

i forgot my nephews birthday this week

had the card already just forgot to give it. had no major dramas going on, just plain slipped my mind

shrugs

YABU. It's a pain having to remember nieces and nephews birthdays never mind friends children's.

I'd be upset to, when you have been friends with someone that long they would be like family. Mention how your Childs bday was, mayb was an honest mistake?

I be a little annoyed too- especially as it's not difficult to remember your daughter was born shortly after her sons birthday.

For me 1st birthdays, especially with 1st child, are very special. It's more about acknowledging the past year and the changes that have occurred as you become parents.

Some friends just don't value birthdays in the same way I do.

Now you need to decide what to do- mention it in passing? Ignore it? Do you continue to send her DS presents?

I don't think you are being completely unreasonable, I kind of get where you are coming from as similar happened with my DD's first birthday a few months ago, a friend who I have been friends with for years and came to see DD in the hospital when she was born didn't so much as text or email to wish her a happy birthday. I wouldn't be so hurt by this if she was the same with all friends' children but I have been shopping with her where she has bought things for mutual friends' children so it's not like she doesn't "do" non family childrens' birthdays. I didn't mention it to her but I was a little miffed at the time as I have always bought for her child.

Unless you invited her to a birthday party and she attended empty handed and without extenuating circumstances (e.g. money troubles) then YABU. It would be really expensive to give our friends DCs birthday presents and as more of them have DCs I am really glad I haven't gone down that path as it would be getting unmanageable soon. Our DD has more than enough stuff, from us and close relatives mostly and certainly doesn't need a whole load more stuff from our friends.

I would be a little upset if this happened to me for a 1st birthday but maybe she forgot. So as others have said you could maybe drop into your conversation all about the party?

I never realised that it was the done thing to recognise your friends' childrens' birthdays (other than acknowledging their arrival) - I had my DS many, many years after my BF had her children. Although I always sent her cards and gifts for her birthday, I didn't for her children. When my DS was born she suddenly started giving him presents for birthdays and Christmas as well, so now I do the same for her DC (having missed out the first 12 years ).

To be honest, I would have prefered that we just exchanged presents between ourselves (we have been friends since school) but I suppose I allowed myself to follow her lead.

Sorry, too much waffle .

YABU. Young children's birthdays obviously aren't that big a deal to her. I'd stop bothering with her DS's birthday until he's old enough to care.

Thanks for this thread. I just remembered that I've forgotten my God daughters birthday!

I'm sure your friend just forgot and being REALLY angry is a bit of an overreaction. You have to remind people subtly until it becomes a habit to remember that there is an important birthday at that point in the year, otherwise they just pootle along, happily getting on with life, unintentionally offending people.

My best friend, of 25+ yrs , also my only daughters godmother , told me “ she was thinking of getting her a card, but said no, because it’s not like we’re close”, I looked at her and said “ really ? Wow”, my daughter has not much family left, and to me EVERY birthday is a milestone. I never have forgotten her daughters who is now 28. I am hurt, and angry, how do I handle this without ruining the friendship ??

YABU. She might be tired, busy or have stuff going on which you aren't aware of. She might not care about it as much as you think she ought to. She might be scatty and disorganised.

All of which is non-optimal behaviour but perfectly human and doesn't mean she's a bad friend. I can understand feeling a bit hmmm about it but being "really annoyed" is an over-reaction.

ZOMBIE ALERT. ALL CONCERNED CHILDREN NOW GROWN UP AND LEFT HOME IN ALL PROBABILITY.