behaviour at nursery

[tryingtobemarypoppins2]

I am having a meeting with my sons nursery next week. It is a nursery within a prep school. I have some concerns as DS seems to be becoming quite physical as are a number of boys within his class. Most days he comes home with scratches and last week 3 little cuts to the head after being hit with a toy car.

I am under no illusions that they are all at it (the group of 5 boys) and staff have already told me the dynamics aren't great.

One of my issues is that playtimes are the whole pre prep together, so just 2 year old right through to 7 year olds. When I have picked up as lunch play is ending there seem to only be 3 or possible 4 staff on duty, for I would guess 60 children. AIBU does this seem mad?? The ground is uneven, the whole area slopes over a hill, there are steps, a climbing frame etc.

My issue is that the staff just won't be able to see what is going on.

Also within the classroom the physical play seems just as bad. The feedback about his day is just confussing, was told by one teacher he had a good day and as I left by another who said he was in time out twice for hitting!

AIBU to be concerned? How should I appraoch this without sounding like I am blaming the staff for DS being naughty?

Having 2 year olds running around on a playground with 7 year olds sounds like a recipe for disaster to me personally. Most nurseries within schools have a gated off playground just for nursery or for nursery and reception.

Raise concerns about the lack of staff. If it was lunchtime, it's possible some staff were having their lunch, nursery teachers can only go on lunch once the children are having theirs too. But 60 children and 3-4 staff sounds very under-ratio to me.

How old is your DS? There are many reasons why a child might start becoming physical - testing boundaries, any changes at home, recent illness. If he is old enough, can you not talk to your DS about it?

And when you say the dynamics aren't great between a group of 5 boys, what do you mean? That they are all friends but often get physical towards each other? And who organised the meeting at nursery, you or them?

The conflicting feedback is a concern in my opinion. If she is there, go straight to your childs keyworker for feedback as she/he will be the one spending most of her time with him and can give you honest, correct feedback.

You are paying good money for the school to look after your DS. Go and tell them your concerns, you have every right to! And how they respond to you will inform you what type of school it really is. An open, empathetic approach is what you should hope to encounter.

If the teachers are giving you mixed feedback, then go to the head. You don't need to point fingers, just say that you are very worried about escalating aggressiveness, you know the staff have noticed too and you are keen to hear how they recommend it is managed (throwing in the useful compliment that they are, after all, the experts). You can say you want to learn what techniques they will be applying in school to manage the 5 boys because you would like to continue to use these at home. Don't be afraid to ask outright about lunchtime supervision. You have every right to be concerned about a potential increase to risk of injury because of challenging group dynamics.

Just letting the school know that these issues are on your radar can often be enough to change things.

And prep schools are particularly sensitive about their reputation!

The meeting was suggested after I said I was concered. The boys like each other but just seem to get so over physical, I did suggest that they needed to stop having action heros dressing up stuff if that was the root of the issue. DS says X hits him so he hits back etc but does know he shouldn't. I also feel that they seem to allow them to not join in when asked, so if they don't want to have a go at writing their name, they don't. They do do some lovely things but it feels messy!

Thank you for your thoughts.
They do seem to really try to shape the children into confident kids who can be themselves however it boarders on arrigance!
Any idea what the ratios should be?

Don't know about England but the scottish Ratio's for school nurseries are 1 to 8 for full time children and 1 to 10 for just part time (as in morning or afternoon). In one nursery I've worked in we had 8 full time children and 30 part time so we had 4 members of staff.

But that's for 3-5 year olds. Under 3's have 1:3 ratio.

2 year olds with 7 year olds on a playground is not good.
They also need more than the number of staff they currently have.

This sounds like an accident waiting to happen.

The ratio for 3 and 4 year olds is 1 adult for every 8 children, for children under 3 it is 1 adult for every 4 children. Ratios are not a guidline, they are law!

I would asking the school some questions about this if I were you.

The under fives curriculum is very much about promoting self choice with the children. This encourages them to develop their independence and also discover for themselves what they enjoy. Practioners should be encouraging the children to do things, but certainly shouldn't force them. Two seems incredibly young to be writing names, they should be just having fun making marks.

Sorry I should have made it clear that ds is almost 4, I have put off sending younger DS who is almost 2 for obvious reasons!