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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect people to teach their kids to behave?

15 replies

Wolfiefan · 27/01/2012 19:19

So I have just been sitting on the sofa cuddling my 8yo DS (quite an accomplishment as he is nearly as tall as me!). He broke down after an incident at school where he was pushed around, teased and called retarded (seriously wtf!). He doesn't know the word but knew it was an insult and is really upset.
So my beef is...... I am teaching my toddler not to push. Why don't some parents bother? Where do kids learn words like this nowadays? Why can't I just pin them up against a wall and teach them some manners?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 27/01/2012 19:23

You sound the same! 'pin them up against the wall'..... It starts with the parents!

keepingupwiththejoneses · 27/01/2012 19:37

I had a similar problem when ds2 was in primary school. Same wording used as well and ds has ADHD. Needless to say it didn't end well. Turns out the parents of the 2 boys involved where the more affluent, well mannered parents at the school. Some people just don't care, simple as that IME!

Kladdkaka · 27/01/2012 19:40

It was a teacher at my daughter's school who said it to her Shock

mrsjay · 27/01/2012 19:41

I dont see what affluence has to do with anything ? Kids bully even when taught right from wrong at home , ITs horrible and devastating if your child is on the end of it , I hope your son is ok now do contact the school on monday and report the incident ,

marriedinwhite · 27/01/2012 19:47

I agree, YANBU. Parents should teach their children to behave and where the parents don't have the skills, schools should teach children how to behave, and where school's don't have the skills, there need to be specialist units to teach children how to behave.

SiamoNellaMerda · 27/01/2012 19:50

If the parents have no idea how to behave then there's slim chance they can or will teach their kids. This runs way deeper than just one child with feckless parents I'm afraid. Generations of kids have been brought up by parents lacking in basic social skills or any limits or their own. No chance for the poor children who have been born to, basically, children.

Birdsgottafly · 27/01/2012 19:53

Pointless trying to teach the children how to behave and not be aggressive when the adults around them are.

Other than that some parents think their children should be able to do what ever they want, so don't put bounderies in place.

mrsjay · 27/01/2012 20:00

I do agree with you there is a lot of children with zero social skills so i gues the parents havnt any either . and parents sometimes think their children are untouchable and precious and can do what they like ,

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 27/01/2012 20:08

YANBU.

bobbledunk · 27/01/2012 20:11

Some children will bully anyway but as soon as their parents find out that is the end of it, they stop because they are made to. Those who remain bullies are the products of appalling parenting, their parents don't care, often they seem to enjoy and be proud of the fact that their children terrorise others for some reason.

You can't teach manners, empathy or consideration if you don't have these qualities yourself. Some people are born with those qualities in abundance, most have to be taught. The favourite excuse of useless parents; 'well my youngest is an angel so how can you blame me for the rest of them?' as they smile gormlessly while one of their little darlings kicks a baby. They can't be arsed teaching them. Or when they try in their stupid baby voice 'oh little darling, little darling, hehehe, little darling, don't hit the baby little darling, oh little darling, little darling, hehehe, little darling'.

BusterBluth · 27/01/2012 20:11

8yo isn't a toddler Hmm

Henwelly · 27/01/2012 20:13

Do you actually know anything about these parents? I think its a huge generalisation to assume that parents of badly behaved children are just bad parents who dont care.

Therefore I think yabu.

Original poster
Wolfiefan · 27/01/2012 22:17

Tiffany. Not an expression of me intending to do said kids harm. Just an expression of how upset and frustrated I feel. Rest assured I would never say such a thing in front of my DS. Sorry if poor attempt at humour didn't translate in post.

Klad. Noooooo! That is dreadful. I really thought the expression had gone out with the ark.

Siamon and Henwelly. I do know parents. They are not what I would call vulnerable and lacking in social skills themselves!

Mrs J. All kids can do wrong! Mine included. :o

Bobble how about "I'm counting to three". Then what eh? FYI parents baby voices are not for stopping unwanted behaviour!,!

Sorry for long reply to you all. iPad told me no one replied so I headed off to knit and relax!!

OP posts:
rhondajean · 27/01/2012 22:39

Your poor boy.

It'd really hard not to want to rip someone apart when you see them hurt your child.

Some of these replies haven't been very helpful...not sure mines is either...but I know how you feel, I am sure you wouldn't actually do anything but it's okay to vent on here, YANBU yo do so, you WOULD BU to follow up on it but you know tht.

PoppadumPreach · 27/01/2012 22:51

YANBU at all.

I think some people think it's just "kids being kids" and as long as it's not their child who is the victim then all is well.

My oldest is only 4 but i can see he is a sensitive lad and i do wonder if I am going to have some "sofa moments" with him.

as my mum used to say "just don't lower yourself to their level"

but, bloody hell, some parents are ignorant arseholes......

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