I'm not being unreasonable to tell you about this wonderful woman.

[StealthPenguin]

I know a woman who lives nearby. She's very similar to me and is hysterical. She's in a wheelchair (don't ask me why - she refuses to talk about it with anyone, but I know she's in almost constant pain) but despite that obstacle she has two beautiful DC's.

Her partner is her full-time carer. They haven't been given a free car and she recently told me that the only holiday they've had in the last 10 years is in the south of England with her parents.

I've been round to her house and it's impeccable. It's beautifully kept and has a very homey-cottage feel to it. She has no television, no phone line, no internet and no microwave. She has a pet though - a goldfish in a bowl called Lucky.

Her children are polite, helpful and always well turned out. They help out around the house as much as they can, they don't have their friends over because they don't want to cause their mum the hassle and they happily play by themselves.

They are on benefits and are barely scraping by. They are crammed into a two-bedroom bungalow. The only time I've ever seen my friend cry is when she was talking to me about her finances. She has a mortgage and a credit card bill to pay off, along with food, clothes, toys, books, electricity, gas, petrol and insurance for their car. They live on a month-by-month basis.

They have gotten rid of everything they don't need that costs them money. She doesn't have an electric kettle. She doesn't have a toaster. The children wear hand-me-downs from her sisters older children, and whenever they need new things they go to the charity shop. They don't have DVD's or videos, a DS or iPad. I gave them my old GameBoy Colour to play with and they were ecstatic. They love jigsaws and board games, and they received one thing for Christmas out of a list of presents that they gave their parents.

So I'd like for everyone to stop reading the Daily Fail, or The Sun, or whatever idiotic newspaper people seem to take as gospel. She struggles through with a smile on her face and accepts the bare minimum of what she's entitled to.

She isn't going to force out twelve more children just so she can have a larger home and more income. She doesn't have a wide-screen television with an XBOX, a PlayStation and a GameCube underneath. She is the strongest person I have ever known and for her to go through what she goes through on top of being disabled and in daily pain is a testament to how hard she fights.

I thought that after all of the benefit-bashing that's going on around here, some people might like to hear about the flip-side of the scroungers that claim disability for blisters and jet off to the Costa Del Chavness on a bi-annual basis.

Lovely Post, they sound a wonderful family.

They are. She's an absolute star and everything she does is done with such dignity and grace - it's the only way I can describe her.

YANBU.

She sounds lovely and I think represents the true face of the system. Those who need the most, aren't usually the most grabby ones, they have pride.

Can completely understand why you posted this. Its easy to get ranty in general, but I think amongst all the frothing we forget that actually real people, good people are involved.

Great post. Your friend sounds wonderful.

Sounds like life from the seventies! Which isnt a bad thing at all, but her dc will need Internet for school work. It is pretty much compulsory these days for kids to complete homework/revision in this way

She sounds like a wonderfull woman and they have a great family.

but it is usally those who need the most don't get it :(

I wouldn't know what my neighbours own or how they get their children's clothes, how many toys they got for Christmas or anything about their income/expenditure or household appliances.

And I'm not interested either as it's none of my business.

Far too many judgemental people around so YANBU

Great post, thank you.

Just a thought, are they actually getting everything that they are entitled to Stealth? Is there a way you could help them with checking that? (hard I know, they are obviously proud people and I mean that in a good way).

She does sound like a wonderful woman who is busy getting onw ith life and not letting her circumstances get her down. Sounds like she has passed this very positive attitude to her children too. Very refreshing post. :)

Just want to point out that although she doesn't have a 'free car' she will actually get the mobility component of DLA instead. Motabiity cars are not free. They cost the person receiving it, the mobility component of their DLA DLA. So if you claim DLA and are entitled to mobility element you have the choice - money or car. I am talking from personal experience, since my son has a much needed 'free car'. Just hate the impression that people have thsat cars are given out willy nilly when that is not the case.

YANBU - she sounds fab and the DC's will grow up with some good solid values, and lots of love.

Ilovetiffany It's a shame isn't it that children are made to feel they HAVE to have a PC, I feel it's discriminatory, I got one for the kids only because of this & it was tough.

I'm lucky I have this laptop through some charity work I do and it's my lifeline.

Hopefully the school will support the DC's in having extra study time before/after school, and most libraries have IT access and great computers so they can do homework there.

She struggles through with a smile on her face and accepts the bare minimum of what she's entitled to

Why though? why accept the bare minimum, when she is so clearly in need of things, and is entitled to it?

Why should her children not be able to enjoy the things that all their peers are doing. I feel very sorry for those kids if they feel that they can not have friends round. :(

I can relate to that. It's my experience of when I was on benefits too. I didn't have a microwave, a tv, a phone, a washing machine, a computer, curtains, carpets or a coat. Sometimes I didn't have shoes and I managed without even a cooker for the first 2 years. My little daughter had everything she needed.

And as wonderful as she sounds, a huge part of your OP will be down to her DH if he's her carer (it's important not to forget the carers!)

How did you manage with no cooker or microwave Kladdkaka?

Lived off potted beef sandwiches. If I never see another one again I'll be very happy.

I applied for a crisis loan so I could get a second hand one but was turned down as it 'wasn't an essential item'.

They also turned down my application for a crisis loan for a second hand washing machine because it wasn't essential. For 5 years I hand washed everything including all the nappies.

Why are they not entitled to more? They sound like a lovely family. The free car thing is a total misconception isn't it? If your friend wanted a motability car I'm sure she could get one, but would need to use her DLA to pay for it, which the family clearly couldn't afford. Therefore, it really isn't free.

I do hope they claim all they can though - they sound like the very people benefits should be helping - you'd really have to be arse to begrudge them a basic TV for the kids .

...or anything else for that matter, I should add.

Yes my experience of being on benefits was also having nothing. I found myself pg, the working and very well paid father refused to cough up and the CSA were worse than useless at getting him to pay up. 8 years on, we still haven't seen a single penny from him despite meetings with our local MP and many irate phone calls to the CSA.

I was working as a dancer when I became pg, so had to leave as soon as I started showing. I used all my savings on keeping a roof above my head, then my LL sold the house from under me so I had to use the rest of my savings to secure a new place closer to my parents.

I wasn't entitled to any crisis loans or budgetting loans because I hadn't been unemployed long enough. I wasn't entitled to full HB because I was too young, so had to top up rent from my IS, so had no option of saving for things.

I had no fridge freezer, no TV, no computer. I did have a cooker. I didn't even have a sofa at first. I had two chairs and a bed, which my gran managed to scrabbled together for me from her spare room.

Life on benefits is not how it is painted in the media. It is just not that easy to get everything paid for.

My family came through for me in the end. My Grandad bought a new TV and gave me his old one, my sister found an old dvd player in her attic, my Uncle bought a new fridge freezer so I could have his old one, someone bought me an old sofa, but there were still times I would sit in the dark after dd1 had gone to bed terrified that the key meter would run out because I had to spend the electric money on nappies after dd1 had a stomach bug.

I believe you get a bit more now that CTC have come in, but the price of things has also risen, so I very much doubt that life is comfortable for your average lone parent.

Life on benefits is not how it is painted in the media. It is just not that easy to get everything paid for

Not for everyone, but certainly for some it is.

A lot of people know exactly how to manipulate the system to get everything that they can, whether they need it or not.

While plenty of other people struggle because they havent been told, or they dont have enough confidence to fight for what they should be getting.

She sounds an inspiration.
Not sure how not having a toaster saves much money though

She saw it as an extra expense, since she can do toast in her gas-powered grill.

She's amazing, and I think she's currently claiming everything she's entitled to but only through necessity - I think if she could manage then she'd cut down on how much she claims out of pride.