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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to take a day off work to drive from the NE to the SE via Somerset as my DP wants?

23 replies

munkysea · 26/01/2012 22:54

... I know I'm being incredibly selfish. DP wants to go see his very elderly grandmas who live 300-odd miles away as he has not seen them since the summer. He also wants to pick up his sister and father who are in Somerset along the way.

I don't begrudge him wanting to see his family as he hasn't seen them for a while.

However he wants us to take a day off work for the drive down so we can spend a decent weekend with the g'ma. And I've literally just started a temp job last Monday. And I'm dreading having to ask my boss for a day off so soon when we could drive down on the Saturday.
And I had to take a 3-hour lunch break for an appointment last Tuesday (long story).
And I may need to take more days off in the coming weeks for interviews for permanent positions which would start after my temp job finishes.

My temp job is a busy team-based one, so I'd really be inconveniencing my colleagues.

I just don't want to do it! Why can't his sister and dad just get the train to his g'mas instead of us picking them up?

I'm very selfish, I know. :(

OP posts:
SiamoNellaMerda · 26/01/2012 22:56

I understand your dilemma but really - now is not a good time to be pissing off employers. Tell him this - and go on the Saturday - leave early and you'll still have plenty of time with them.

squeakytoy · 26/01/2012 22:57

why cant he go on his own?

Sanesometimes1 · 26/01/2012 22:57

No, not selfish at all, what about a compromise plan, dh goes alone on friday, picks up family on the way etc, then you get the train down on Sat morning ? then all back together on Sunday ? would that work ?

justabigdisco · 26/01/2012 22:58

Let him go on the Friday and you catch the train on Saturday morning.

Original poster
munkysea · 26/01/2012 23:03

I've mentioned he could go on his own but he got upset and said since I was part of the family I should go and see his grandparents as they are old and frail. I do agree, but the journey is some 450-miles!

Also, I've only just started work after having had spent 3 weeks unemployed. I'd always said I could travel on the Friday on the condition that I hadn't found a position, and then I did.

I think I'm just a wee bit jealous because I have no grandparents left alive and my brother is far too selfish to drive halfway across to pick me up. :(

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 26/01/2012 23:07

How about a late night drive on Friday, maybe stay over in a travel lodge if you have to, early set off on Saturday and arrive @ GM's at 10ish on the Saturday?

That seems a reasonable compromise. (although I'm sure I'll be told Im thoroughy unreasonable).

99% of the time family does come first BUT no one can afford to be picky when it comes to job and financial security.

Original poster
munkysea · 26/01/2012 23:10

The Saturday train/travelodge ideas are very good ones. I'll try to suggest a compromise. Thanks.

I'm also a bit narked that he's insisting I do this, if it were the other way around I'd be clear that he's very welcome to come but he can stay behind if it is inconvenient for him - as he has done in the past when I've gone to visit my parents for the weekend, who live a hell of a lot closer, when he's been busy with work.

OP posts:
EauDeLaPoisson · 26/01/2012 23:11

But work and paying the bills doesn't just happen- your DH is being spectacularly unreasonable. Me and DH have had to attend many family events/visits seperatley due to work comittments

AThingInYourLife · 26/01/2012 23:13

YANBU

ChaoticAngel · 26/01/2012 23:15

I like trois's suggestion as a compromise.

I do think your DP is BVU though. It won't look good if you take time off so soon after starting the job. Will your boss in this job be providing you with a reference?

AfternoonDelight · 26/01/2012 23:18

YANBU

It's not enough notice for your employer, this could have been arranged ages ago and you could have given notice! When I go and see my family (350 miles) I always take holiday and it's arranged months in advance. The next time I see them will be in April!

Original poster
munkysea · 27/01/2012 07:53

@ChaoticAngel

My boss wouldn't per se, but her feedback would be given to the agency that employs me.

We discussed it, I suggested the alternative, we had a flaming row and he stormed off, then he said it was ok to get the train or drive down after work. GAH!

OP posts:
hocuspontas · 27/01/2012 08:19

Well now I'd just say you've changed your mind and you are going to have a lovely weekend at home while he goes on his own. That's what you get when you behave like an idiot. Grin

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 27/01/2012 08:20

Your dh is being selfish, not you! You are just trying to keep a good work record and earn some money.

If he cant see that because he doesn't want to look beyond what he wants, he is being a twat. Even more so if he is trying to emotionally blackmail you by going on about how old Granny is.

If my dh were doing that to me, I would tel him that I would happily not work and be ready whenever he wanted a weekend away, as soon as he earned enough to provide for the family without my income. But then that would make me unreasonable too.

Callisto · 27/01/2012 08:24

Wow, your husband is being very unreasonable. Why on earth do you have to go? DH and I are fully part of each others families but there is no way either of us (or any of our family) would expect the other to miss work under these circumstances.

samandi · 27/01/2012 08:36

YANBU. There are other options available that other posters have mentioned. He sounds like a needy little brat.

OnlyANinja · 27/01/2012 08:46

NE -> SE via Somerset?

That is spectacularly not on the way.

samandi · 27/01/2012 08:51

Excellent point Ninja.

Why on earth can't the sister and father catch the train, or drive themselves?

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 27/01/2012 12:00

YANBU.

I honestly think DH should go alone. The grandmothers will want to see him more than you and it is too far to drive Sat then come back Sun I feel. His family will understand if he says you have work commitments.

ipswichwitch · 27/01/2012 18:12

by the time he's done all that driving he'll have about ten mins to spend with the grandmas before setting off again, if he seriously wants to do this in a weekend. i've frequently done the NE to SE journey, without the somerset bit, and had bugger all time with the rellies before having to leave again ,and thats why i wouldnt try doing it all in the space of a weekend again

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 27/01/2012 18:57

Just to be the voice of doom, I'm a temp and we've been told that we can't have days off for interviews. We can have days off (entitled to about 2 a month), or swap a shift with someone else, but of we say we are having an interview we will be sacked on the spot

diddl · 27/01/2012 19:06

Can´t imagine having to see someone´s GMs if it wasn´t convenient.

I´d expect them to understand & go alone.

Inertia · 27/01/2012 19:08

Well, you can't take the day off work, that isn't even on the table. You appear to have 3 options to present to DH:

-DH goes alone when he likes, you stay and work

  • you leave together after work on Friday, stay overnight in Somerset then spend Saturday in SE before returning via Somerset on Sunday.
  • you and DH travel to SE either after work Friday or v early Saturday, say 6am start, and meet his dad there.
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