AIBU to not want DS to go on hols with MIL

[travellingtime]

MIL has offered to take DS (aged 5) on hols with her. She is single, 60, and has various health issues, but most importantly is not very mobile.
She is also taking another child (aged 11 I think), who she has taken on hols with her before.
Its for 11 days. DS has never been away from both DH & I for that length of time which is not my biggest concern.
DS will also miss a few days school, which again is a minor consideration.
My main worry is his safety / well-being. Hol is all incl. MIL cant swim for one thing, and whilst DS is fairly confident in the water, he cant swim unaided and is still at the age where he needs some supervision with such things.
My gut instinct is to say no, but am I being mean/ungrateful/over-protective?

I think you are being sensible in saying no. Maybe they could do a different, more suitable break together?

I would say no too, for all the very valid reasons you have given. I would probably put it in the context of being extremely grateful for the kind offer, but no because you don't feel ready to let DS be apart from you for that long, and she would not get a break having to look after a five yr old and really needs/ deserves one.

I'd say no too! I've been in the same situation with my own ILs.

I think your MIL is probably underestimating how much work is involved when holidaying with a 5 yr old - perhaps you could explain to her that he is still a handful, she wouldn't get to relax (for a minute!) on her well earned holiday and that DS is also perhaps a bit too young and could get extremely homesick, meaning 11 days of being upset/moody/depressed.

Just say no, you have to be clear.

I came on here expecting to say YABU, let your son enjoy a hol with his grandmother, but YANBU! This sounds like a recipe for disaster!

Hmm, if there were another adult going as well, I'd be inclined to let him, but 2 young children and 1 not-so-mobile adult isn't really a good idea. She won't be able to leave him with the other child at all as 11 is just that bit too young.
My DD2, 7 is going to Disney Paris with my MIL aged 59 and her much younger sister and sister's daughter, but I'm totally happy about that because both adults are fit and able and both DCs can swim very well. In fact DD2 swims better than MIL! Also, my DD has been away with her for short trips before.
I can understand your concern, I think 5 is too young to be unsupervised in water even if a decent swimmer, because little ones do panic easily. Hotel / apartment pools , esp abroad, often don't have alifeguard on duty either.
You didn't say whether it was abroad or not?

YANBU at all. 11 days is a long time; in your shoes I would thank her for her kind offer, decline it and suggest a weekend away would be more suitable.

Yes it is abroad.
I think if there were another adult i would be happier too and i guess she is making the assumption that the other child will look out for DS but that seems a bit unfair on the other child, as it will impact on his enjoyment. and whilst the other child is older, its not the same as a responsible adult...

IMO a 5 year old spending 11 days away from parents is a bit too long. Particularly as DS has never been away from you before. And that is not even taking into account your MIL's health. Agree that you should suggest a weekend away and see how that goes.

Sorry, perhaps was not clear. DS has been away from us quite a few times but not for such a long period before.

I think you are right to say no, given the circumstances. I think even my 9 year old would struggle being away from me for as long as 11 days, and I try to encourage him to be as independent as possible. You have lots of very good reasons to say no to your MIL.

YANBU

My 9y found 5 days a day too long this January, and that was with grandparents she sees regularly and loves dearly, who she has slept over at many times and been away with previously. She was visiting great grandparents who she has also visited before. And she has also doen school 3 night residentials too.

She had a really lovely time, but she felt it was a one night too long for her. 11 days would definitely be too long for my DD.

11 day would be too long for my DCs, especially in these circumstances.

Does your DS know and get on with the other child? That's quite a big age gap

Nope, dd won't be going away for 11 days with anyone else at 5.

No way would I let my child go!

In the circumstances in the OP, I would have to say no. There are too many aspects of it that are a little bit iffy for me.

I wouldn't do it

Yanbu

I was sent abroad to stay with a friend of the family at about 11, and found myself primarily responsible for a child of 6ish as the family friend had decided that we were pretty much the same age and would enjoy the same things etc. it was an utterly miserable time, and I loathed every moment. Ended up disliking the other child quite badly as I had to watch out for them all the bloody time, and the whole thing had been misrepresented to me (and, actually, to my parents).

I would say he's a bit young yet anyway.

11 days too long, one (not spry) adult not enough as supervision, DS just slightly too young, overseas not great idea.

YANBU. Suggest something less ambitious for next summer?

Thanks all...luckily DH in total agreement, so he gets to break the news to MIL. In a year or two I would feel a lot more comfortable about it but this is so far removed 'normal life' for him it would be a massive culture shock for him and for MIL - she's used to a couple of days of him, not 11 days!