to make my ds share with us rather than dd if he keeps waking dd up?

[cheekymonk]

Have posted before about our housing situation and how we can't afford to move due to IVA but have considered selling to rent. We own a 2 bed house and have ds ged 7 and dd aged 11 months. They currently share but DS is clearly missing his own space. He has been a nightmare to go to bed on/off for 6 months. DD was with us and he actually requested she come in with him to help him feel more secure so we did. It did work but I think the novelty has worn off. Routine is currently bathing dd, feeding her in our room and then put her to bed for 7. Ds has bath then 30 mins story time in our room then bed. He has a small light on and likes to do reading or write story before he goes to sleep. Some nights he is not ready to be quieter and thus he taps his bed, hums/sings and keeps on until he wakes up dd. Last night he woke her 3 times and I have had enough. Trouble is she wakes him in mornings, usually 6ish. We have thought of bringing dd back in our room but we slept with her on sunday night and we clearly keep each other awake.
So, first we are going to try letting ds stay in our bed for a bit if he hasn't wound down enough for bed. This did work last night and he did just get up and go in his own bed when it was time.
I have warned him however, that if he continues to play up we will get single bed in our room and he can sleep in there if he cannot be trusted to continually keep waking dd up.
I know and understand she has invaded his space etc but we have done softly softly for months and he needs to learn that it is just NOT ok!
AIBU????

Course i have started this at schoo1l run tim1e! Ds is at music club

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anyone?

I would put DD back in with you for a while. She is still a bit young to really be a companion for him which is what I imagine he expected. He is too young to just lie quietly while he is awake. I'd try again in 6 months or so.

Yes I know that is the logical thing to do but honestly, every time we turn she stirs! Not sure why but it doesn't happen like that with ds and dd! he does have to be very noisy to wake her up!

When you say he is too young to lie quietly when awake pranma does that mean I should expect him to be noisy? He was always a fantastic sleeper until last Summer when nightmares started and he seemed scared of going to bed.

Could you try letting him listen to a quiet story cd as he falls asleep. This gave our DS a reason to stay in bed if you see what I mean. It is a less disruptive kind of low background noise, calmer than singing chatting to himself.

My MIL has suggested me and dh sleep downstairs and let kids have room each.
Yes could try quiet story cd idea. Thanks everyone! It is getting desperate!

He's too old to be sharing with his parents, it could cause a lot of resentment from him if he lost his bedroom to an 11 month old, whereas she is too young to notice. It's not his fault you had another baby before having the necessary space so why should he be punished for it?

Put the baby back in with you.

I agree your DS will probably feel resentful if you make him share with you. He needs his own space at 7. Have you got enough room downstairs for you and DH (e.g. a separate dining room), as your MIL suggested, as this could work well.

I agree with rainbow If you have the room, try it and see how it works out.

I didn't anticipate my ds would be so difficult about sharing and deliberately waking dd up. Plenty of kids do share so its not a case of being irresponsible. I thought it could work for the short term. We will move in next 2 years even if it is renting this out to rent elsewhere.

Yes we have longe and a dining room. Would take some juggling but would do it to ensure both kids get a decent nights sleep.

lounge

I would just move into the dining room then. Plenty people manage without a seperate dining room. We're planning on building a wall bed in our sitting room and moving through there to allow children to have a room each.

It's not fair for a 7 year old to be pushed out of his room by the new baby.

I know its not fair really but I am so pissed off with his behaviour! I know he feels pushed out etc and I have trie so hard to be patient, doing long bedtime routines etc but when your child deliberately keeps waking up their sister for months on end you do lose your patience! Thank you all

Thinking more long term we may rent out this house and rent bigger place but I know that will have added costs

I don't think you were wrong to try out your current arrangement, by any means. I think you did the right thing to try it out. However, it's clearly not working for any of you after trying it for a while, so I think it's for the best if you move down to the dining room. Good luck anyway!

Thanks rainbowebrite!

You're welcome cheekymonk.

You'd be punishing yourself, surely, having a child that age in your bedroom? I'm thinking privacy to get changed, let alone the chance to have sex, would be a bit limited...

Yes am thinking clearly today (more sleep!) and will definitely not move ds. What was I thinking of?? Last night went well with ds staying in our bed to start as dd unsettled. Trouble was he fell asleep in our bed, he wrapped himself in my dressing gown too. he seems so insecure at the moment. DH moved him back in his own bed and both kids slept until 7pm. He just doesn't seem secure in his own bed despite him choosing his decor etc. I'm not sure how much dd has to do wioth it really. Initially she made him feel more secure.
We are looking into shared ownership and renting this house to rent elsewhere that is bigger more long term. Have emailed our CAb to see what our options if any might be.

Have moved dd back in with us. Ds seems relieved and happier. he keeps saying I'm free, I'm free I'm glas he's happier but I feel a bit gutted and unreasonably feel its a bit of a rejection of dd. I know he just wants his own space back but ... I agree with the point dd is too younbg to be a companion. Ds told me yesterday he still feels lonely despite dd so definitely work to do.