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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To "allow" DH's business trip ...

23 replies

NotBovvered · 26/01/2012 11:55

(have namechanged)

My DH is going to Nigeria on business next week. He has a colleague out there at the moment who has reassured him as to the security level/safeness. He will basically travel between airport/hotel/office with an assigned driver.

Whilst I'm not wildly enthusiastic about the idea, I have accepted that DH is not a mad risk taker and if he is satisfied that it is safe, then I have to live with his decision.

Was discussing this with a (male, unattached) colleague today and he said that if his partner had wanted to go to Nigeria at the moment he would be refusing to let them go.

Which made me wonder ... should I be kicking up a stink about him going? "Not allowing" him seems terribly controlling.

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 26/01/2012 11:59

It's not up to you to "allow" it - I agree - you have discussed and assessed the risk and DH is not being stupid about it.

Make sure he is well insured though just in case he needs to get out in a hurry for any reason.

tribpot · 26/01/2012 11:59

I'm not quite sure how you would forbid it, are you going to phone his boss?

Equally, you're not wrong to be concerned. I do have a friend who has done business trips to Nigeria and it sounds bloody scary. Is there any practical alternative to him going?

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 26/01/2012 12:02

Difficult one. I wouldn't want my dh to go, but he knows that and wouldn't want me to either so he would probably never have agreed to it. But we are just a bit like that.

I think you have to weigh up your concerns with how important it is that he goes. Make sure all the concerns you have are addressed by the company and you get as much reassurance as possible.

Ultimately though, you need to be able to trust that he takes your worries seriously when he makes his own decision on whether to go or not.

GiserableMitt · 26/01/2012 12:04

My DH is in Nigeria now and has been for the past month. He's in Lagos and is fine. He was confined to his hotel for 6 days during the protests but that was more to do with the offices being closed and his designated driver being on strike than for safety reasons.

He finds it boring because he gets up, gets taken to the office, works, then gets taken back to the hotel. He doesn't go anywhere else unless it's with a recognised, pre-arranged driver - no walking, no taxis.
By following this he's never felt in danger. This isn't his first time there.

As long as all the appropriate measures are in place he shouldn't have a problem.
I'm not happy, but I was more nervous than him. FWIW all the major airlines have continued to fly in and out of Nigeria, meaning the crews have had to leave the airport to hotels and back again.

OneHandFlapping · 26/01/2012 12:08

It would only take DH telling me I'm not allowed to do something to make it the very thing I did.

Lucky he hasn't twigged and told me I'm not allowed to eg do the hoovering.

GiserableMitt · 26/01/2012 12:10

Bit of a diversion here, but I'm an expat and my visa says "Housewife - not allowed to work"
I'll be fucked if I'm challenging that one

Sorry, OP, but I hope my earlier post helped you a bit.

dwynwen · 26/01/2012 12:11

Which city? Nigeria is always a security risk but going directly to an office with an assigned driver is almost certain to be fine. Companies have clear rules for employees. Nigeria is full of expats doing business If the company he works for is reputable and safety aware, I would try not to worry. My husband's company has lots of employees there and he goes fairly regularly and enjoys his visits (Most Nigerians are great people). I cannot tell you what to say, but I think you probably don't need to be too anxious.

stealthsquiggle · 26/01/2012 12:13

Giserable I think I would be framing that if it were mine - and referring to it on every possible occasion

GiserableMitt · 26/01/2012 12:14

There is a way around it, if DH gives written permission. Obviously, I'm keeping that little snippet to myself.

SuchProspects · 26/01/2012 13:18

If my DH were talking about going, unless his job was related to saving lives, I would possibly be kicking up a bit of a stink. Current Foriegn Office advice on travel there is not at all reassuring. But YANBU to keep any concerns to yourself if you are comfortable doing so.

ComposHat · 26/01/2012 13:33

I can't see what you can do - write a note to his boss? He isn't a child, you aren't his mum and we are talking about his work, not a PE lesson he wants to get out of.

The idea of him being 'allowed' to do something is pretty unusual too. If someone started trying to forbid me from doing something I'd thought about and reached a decision about, I'd be out the door in a New York minute.

QuintessentiallyShallow · 26/01/2012 13:34

Is Nigeria on the list of countries currently recommended to avoid? Can you get travel insurance for going there? These are the issues I would be looking at...

ComposHat · 26/01/2012 13:34

op the previous post is not a criticism of you, but your colleague's attitude.

Rhubarbgarden · 26/01/2012 13:40

Tricky. I'd be deeply uncomfortable about my dh going to Nigeria. But I used to go there regularly for work reasons so I would also be deeply hypocritical.

GiserableMitt · 26/01/2012 13:51

No, Nigeria isn't on the list of countries to avoid according to the FCO.

Most of the country, including Lagos, isn't even classified as "essential travel only".

Port Harcourt (where a lot of expats in the oil & gas industry work) comes under the "advise against all travel" category though.

Original poster

NotBovvered · 26/01/2012 14:01

Thanks for replies (especially those who shared personal experiences). DH is going to Ajuba, which is not in the list of dangerous places. His company are pretty good at looking after employees and he has a driver organised and won't be going anywhere other than airport/hotel/office.

I do agree with others who pointed out that it's not really something I can stop him doing anyway.

OP posts:

GiserableMitt · 26/01/2012 14:06

Abuja is the capital of Nigeria, which I've just googled found out. I thought the capital was Lagos

Lueji · 26/01/2012 14:33

I've been to Rio twice and Venezuela once and that could easily be more dangerous. :-)
The driving standards alone...

If the Home office says it's ok, and he can get insurance, it's because it's not that dangerous.

Original poster

NotBovvered · 26/01/2012 14:50

Yes, Abuja! Not Ajuba ... Do know where DH is going, just can't type ...

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 26/01/2012 14:56

- I used to lose track of DH completely at times - people would ask where he was and I would say "Um - Czech Republic? Poland? somewhere like that...." I got some very looks, but he was away all the bloody time and I lost interest didn't always keep track.

I did always have copies of his flight and hotel itineraries, though, so I could have checked if I needed to know.

CMOTDibbler · 26/01/2012 15:09

The only time that DH has objected to a trip, was when I was asked to go to Columbia (as it turned out because corporate wouldn't let US employees go). I wasn't keen either, and the next week that hotel was blown up.

I never remember to give him an itinery though - we spoke last night and he was confused why I was at the airport. I'd forgotten to tell him it was a two city trip and had just talked about the first

GiserableMitt · 26/01/2012 15:09

Same here. Along with a blank look and a shrug when asked when he was coming back.

Funnily enough Nigeria is one of the easiest ones from my POV as he has wifi in both his hotel and his office so we can be in near-constant contact (although I did get all bent out of shape when the protests were on).

He's been to Rio a couple of times and having been there myself last year, that raises an eyebrow LOL!

He's also done Algeria, Libya, Yemen, Saudi, Iraq to name a few. Nigeria is tame in comparison.

GiserableMitt · 26/01/2012 15:09

That was to stealth btw.

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