to be sad that this girl was murdered?

[redwineformethanks]

We were at school together in 1980's, to be honest I barely remember her, but just discovered tonight that she was murdered abroad in about 2003, possibly by a drug dealer boyfriend or his acquaintances.

I feel very moved by this, but I know if I discuss it with DH, he will be very practical and point out that we weren't close friends. I'm feeling quite tearful about it.

AIBU to be sad she died in such sad circumstances, even though I would probably never have seen her again if she'd been alive and happy?

there was also a boy i went to primary and started secondary school with who was knocked down by a lorry and killed 2 days after his 13th birthday- he was riding his bike he had been given for said birthday when it happened

i still see his mum from time to time as she lives a few doors down from my parents. she could never have another baby due to medical complications and has attempted suicide on a number of occasions she has NEVER moved on and has grieved for her boy for 17 years...now i have DD i cant bear to even try and imagine what pain and suffering that poor woman has been through... my own mum still sheds a tear every now and again for him and for his poor mum they had been close once upon a time.

Do you know what though, I have often wished that somehow I could let the parents of this child know that I still thought of her? I can't, and I wouldn't be able to find a way to say it even if it were possible to see them, but I do wonder sometimes if they would find comfort in knowing that someone who knew their girl, even if only for a couple of years as a young child herself, still thinks of her, and remembers her name?

One of my friends from high school died last year at the age of 27, it was a massive asthma attack that left her brain dead. We lost touch during college. Her father died when she was a child and her mother when she was around 21/22. I think about her so often and regret not being in touch with her - she was amazing. Perhaps most of all i think about her younger sister and brother who have gone through so much. I missed her even when she was alive and just wish that i could turn the clock back now.

This thread is very poignant :(

There are a few friends I have known who have died tragically young. I wasn't very close to most of them (i.e. best friends) but they were close enough for me to count them as friends, iykwim?

One girl died from a brain haemorrhage when we were 13. I'd been close friends with her at primary school but we'd drifted apart at secondary. The last time I ever spoke to her she asked to lend 50p for the tuck shop and I said no. Such a small thing, but I felt really bad about that for a long time after I heard she'd died. I often think about her and wonder what she might have grown up to be, had she'd had the chance.

Two friends committed suicide, one in particularly horrific circumstances and we speak about that friend regularly and wonder if there was anything anyone could have done to help.

A girl in the year below me was murdered by her boyfriend on Christmas Eve :( Her body was found in a wheelie bin on Christmas morning. Horrendous for her family.

A good friend of mine died just over a year ago. We'd worked together and would often have a drink when I was back home (I'd moved away from the area). She died unexpectedly in her sleep and was found by her mother. Her facebook page is still "live" and me and other friends have posted there over the past year, often just when we've been thinking about her or there has been some special milestone (birthday etc). I think about her often and miss her when I go home. It feels very strange to go to places where I would normally see her and realise that I will never see her again :(

Life is short and we need to make the most of it whilst we're here.

None of you ABU - I used to cry when I lost patients (in psychiatry) and have also lost school acquaintances in the past 10 years - some through drugs, some suicide, another through building site accident.

It's why I have 'Live Each Day' as my motto and stars tattooed to remind me. You truly never know what's round the corner.

A boy I knew from school commuted suicide, was 11years ago now and I often think about him. Also a girl I knew through my mum was pregnant at the same time as me, we both had blood clot related illnesses yet hers killed her just 6weeks after having her baby.

I often think about people like this but more from a they're missing out on all this point of view if that makes sense.

I'd like to think that if anything happened to my DS, somewhere someday, someone would be thinking of him. It's their memories living on.

Two schoolmates of mine have committed suicide in the last few years. It breaks my heart to think that they had no escape from whatever was tormenting them. So young, and gone already. I thought I saw one of them in the street the other day and it took my breath away. How must those parents feel?! To lose a child... Heartbreaking.

My mum bumped into mine n bros old (lovely)HM from junior school and he asked her how I was and my brother and she had to tell them he had passed away etc My bro would have 20.He died at 16 from caner.It must have been a shock

A girl I knew at school died with 3 friends in a car accident when she was 20 and I often think of her some 21 years later. I feel sad for her parents, sad that she didnt get to live a full life. It's terrible when anyone is murdered/dies but when it is so close to home it just makes you remember your own mortality.

This is not a dress rehearsal, we need to live life to the full and dance like no one is watching!

A person died by the hands of another, what is there not to be sad about. I think in your case it is also a shock to realise that she was killed almost ten years ago, and that whilst you imagined her living her life during this time, it had in fact ended.

When I was about ten the elder sister of a not very close friend was murdered, and I remember at the time being more frightened than sad and thinking that at least it was not a young person as she was the grand old age of eighteen. Now years later she is a child of eighteen in my eyes, and I feel sad and angry about her death.

I'm terribly shocked just how many people on this thread know of someone who was murdered. How awful.

An old school acquaintance was brutally murdered by her boyfriend. This was not long after we left school.
I honestly remember at school she was so beautiful and vibrant. The kind of young girl who stands out. She also had a v young baby. I still think of her to this day.

I think that there can be many things about murder that is shocking. One of Fil's clients murdered his wife, their children are a similar age to dh. He would spend time at pil's, knew dh and dbil well, I'd met him a few times and he "seemed totally normal" for want of a better expression. We were all so shocked when the news broke and can't help thinking of the hell he has put his dc's and their families through.

What also shocked me was pil's attitude that his dc's should forgive and forget and that he really didn't deserve to be sent down. How the poor dc should be expected to do that I don't know. The dd had a baby not so very long after it happened - what a dreadful way to be deprived of a loving grandma

YADNBU. Like Adverse said, it reminds us of our mortality.

Somebody I knew as a teen (friend of a friend who I hung out with a few times and chatted too online a lot) was killed by the guy in Cumbria who went around shooting people in 2010. It really got to me for some reason and for days afterwards I would just burst into tears because of it. He was only a year or two older than me, it really shook me up.

A girl i was at school with died in a car accident when she was 17. We weren't friends as she was one of the cool kids, but we had been on a field trip about a year earlier and i remember a few of us sitting in her room and she was all giggly and cool and i was all shy.

I still think of her to this day, 22 years later. I also feel sad that she missed out on her 20s and 30s and didnt have a career/family/general life experiences. I also feel sad for her parents, i am a mum too

Of course YANBU. It reminds me of when I was still in school, a boy in my year killed himself. He had cancer and was very depressed.

He was 14.

I had been on holiday and missed that it happened, when I came back one of the 'popular' crowd was taking the piss. I went suitably ballistic.

So sad.

I get upset when I hear about young people that I never met have been murdered. I feel distress for what their last few hours must have been like.

I think it shows we are humane to grieve for those that we hardly know or ever met. Its not daft, its empathy. Sarah Payne, Millie Dowler, Steven Lawerence, Damolia Taylor, Victoria Climbe, Peter Connelly are just a handful of children/ young people who died in horrible ways and far too young.

A guy I knew through uni was killed on the road recently. He had just finished a medical degree and started his first job as a doctor. He was really clever and funny and I kinda fancied him although didn't know him too well.

When I found out it was in the student newspaper and it was a physical shock, I went red, my heart raced and I got all tearful. I still think about him sometimes.