To go on my date for Saturday even though...

[cinnamonswirls]

OK I'm asked out by a friend of mutual friends. We've met a few times, he's funny, kind and attractive - I like him - we arrange Friday - my first real date in 5/6 years. Friend says her ds has a sleepover with a friend (also of my ds) on Friday and asks if I can bbsit her ds on Saturday so she and her dp can go out - that's fine I have him almost every other week/weekend (inc new year's eve when I stayed in to bbsit this would be third time this year)

Then lovely man says can we make it Sat as he had forgotten he'd promised his kids to take them to see a film only showing Fri.

So I say to friend I will stay in if necessary but could she ask mum of boy who has asked her ds on Fri to make it Sat. This mum is a really nice positive sweet person who wouldn't mind at all being asked and will change if she can and no hard feelings if not.

Friend is a bit upset with me and says fine she'll cancel her plans as cant ask even though I have said I'll stay in if other mum says she can't change days.

Would I be unreasonable to say "oo well thanks if you are sure" and happily skip off on my date?

Problem is friend I know feels that we had agreement and I am bad friend for going back on it

I feel that I have him so often and he is lovely but he has his own stuff at my house he is here so much and I've not been asked out for so long that this is exceptional circumstances

Especially as he has a sleepover on the Friday that could potentially be rearranged anyway

I'm buckling I feel like a 40yr old cinderella

On balance I think yanbu!

I'm one of those who always does what I say I will, and never renages on prior arrangements for a better offer.

However, as you say, the circumstances are exceptional. You haven't had a date for years, and you babysit for your mate all the time. I think your mate getting stroppy is uncalled for. You don't owe her anything, and do her lots of favours at other times.

I think you need to explain your feeling about this one clearly....and if then she still thinks you're in the wrong, then you can be sure that she's being selfish.

As your mate she shopuld be pleased you have a date and on this one occasion make other arrangements.

GO ON YOUR DATE. And have fun.

YANBU!

Perhaps your friend is more put out because she had plans for Friday night as well as Saturday and it's that that can't be rearranged rather than she doesn't want to ask other boys mum to switch?

So agree with pictish. And it sounds like you've been a good friend to her. I understand what its like to have childcare issues and wanting to go on the first date in years (the Cinderella "I must go to the ball" fog!). Perhaps things will smooth over in time bet you and your friend, or perhaps its a sign that the friendship has its limitations? There is always negotiation in friendships and acquaintances, but genuine support is there in the best ones ...

Go on your date. Friend will get over herself.

Enjoy

I'm sure your friend will get over it the minute she needs you to babysit again!

So your friend is not having her DS on Fri or Sat night? And you babysit her DS practially every other weekend?

There is no issue here.

'So sorry I can't babysit this Saturday. I have a date.'

A real friend would be thrilled for you - and demand to know all the details afterwards!

Go and enjoy. Don't feel guilty.

I´m not sure tbh.

If it was just telling the friend that you can´t babysit afterall OK as you have given good notice & it´s "only" a night out with her husband iyswim.

She´s wrong to be miffed as it sounds as if you do a lot for her.

I personally wouldn´t dream of asking someone to rearrange a sleepover though.

Go on your date!!!

And make it clear to your 'friend' that if you and this lovely man get on well there will be many more dates in the future so she'd better keep you onside if she wants you to fit babysitting for her into your busy social life

Yes agree with diddl. def don't start rearranging the sleepover for them.

If your friend wants to go out Sat instead of Fri that is for her to sort.

This should have nothing to do with the other parent.

Your responsibility is to say really sorry you can't do Saturday and leave it there.

Olgaga - you are so funny I love mumsnet!

Before I posted I'd resigned myself to saying maybe another time to lovely man but I would have lost momentum and probably not been as excited

I feel really guilty for letting her down but her ds has lots of friends and although she does use us all frequently (me mostly as am single parent) she could call on several mums.

Though... have just heard my older boy bbsitter (17) can make it and he is usually happy to take on multiple boys (who adore him as he is very cool) so I might let the dust settle, see if she sorts it out and then offer in a couple of days

BUT in the meantime can text lovely man and say "Yes! Yes! I can come to the ball!" in a relaxed and get asked out all the time and can just fit you into my diary sort of a way

Wasn't planning to rearrange sleepover just suggested to her she could as I know other mum well and knew she wouldn't mind.

Maybe I shouldn't have done that but I did! I just wanted to go out and wasn't going to let her down as would have stayed in if necessary .

Mumsnet though has released me from guilt and I'm going to go out and if she can't sort anything else out I can offer my bbsitters services though do have to check with my bbsitter he'll be up to it first.

Seems like your friend has taken your permanent availability for babysitting as a bit of a given....

We single mums need all the dates we can get so go and enjoy yourself!

Sometimes you have to put yourself first.

YANBU, hope you enjoy your date.

GO!!! Have a fab time.....and don't forget to post the salacious details :)