to be contemplating not going? And WWYD?

[Newmummytobe79]

Mixed feelings on this one. Know it's not really a big issue but I don't want to upset the IL's.

When I was a child, any shows/school performances etc were attended by my Mum as my Dad worked all the time. No grandparents attended etc. I didnt know any other way so it never bothered me.

My DH's family all go to school shows/extra curricular activities etc - that too is fine in my eyes. They have the time and it's just their way.

Niece has a ballet show coming up. She has been practising for it for months. It's been mentioned by SIL and MIL. SIL has said she understands if we don't go to see it as we have baby. But did lightheartedly suggest we go on seperate nights.

MIL has also mentioned it and suggested we go on seperate nights.

I have been non-commital up to now.

Now if the show was a Saturday afternoon there is no question that we would both go and if baby (4 months) kicked off one of us could go outside.

We have baby in a great routine when we are at home - but it doesnt work so great when we are out past bedtime as baby cries, refuses milk etc (it's a struggle when we are out (very rarely) but we deal with it as it works so well at home - we consider ourselves lucky).

My issue is that DH works all the hours and often weekends, so bedtime with baby and then the few hours after for us are precious.

The shows are at night.

So, we either go together and if baby kicks off so be it and we deal with it. Or we go on seperate nights meaning DH has to finish work early two days in a row and we don't see each other for those nights.

Or ... we don't go.

When our child is of that age I'm really not bothered if Aunties and Uncles don't go to shows - but I know that's just because of the way my childhood was.

So - AIBU in considering not going? Or should we just go seperately?

I'm in the Dont Go camp. there is nothing on earth more boring than watching small girls 'dancing' when in fact most of them are picking their nose, losing their cues, have 2 left feet etc etc.

You have enough of this ahead when your own DC starts to take part in things.

Stay at home with DH and have a nice time!!

Don't go - send your DH, buy a tub of Ben & Jerrys and a nice new book and have a nice relaxing evening.

I wouldn't go if it's not convenient, especially as it's not even your own child performing. I've never heard of anyone other than parents going to these things.

I would start as you mean to go on, and not go! Her activity, her show!

What will happen when there are several more grandchildren? Will the whole family still be expected to go to every performance for every child? Don't do it!!

SIL has said she understands if we don't go to see it as we have baby.

There it is. Your DH's family recognises that your life has changed and they are giving you the option of an 'out'. However, if you go now then you will find it harder to opt out at a later date.

Your baby might not always be in a good sleep pattern and you may feel less keen to go to these events when they are teething, ill or you have returned to work. Sooner or later they will be going to nursery, school or classes and have their own shows, events and concerts to attend. Use that excuse, as offered by your SIL, and don't worry any more about it.

I can't think of anything I'd rather do less! If you start with this then you're building a rod for your own back. Don't go.

Nobody wants a baby to be at an event like that. They're a distraction from the main event. Nobody reasonable would expect you to go on one night and your husband on another night. They'll have recorded it anyway, so you'll be able to watch it every time you visit for the next few months, until the next event!

Beyond the call of duty. I wouldn't go, would leave it up to DH if he wanted to go but would make sure I wished DN good luck/asked her how it went/generally show an interest when I saw her.

Inconsiderate of your ILs to expect you to go when you have a little baby. Could they take photos of your niece in her costumes for you to see?

Your DH's family recognises that your life has changed and they are giving you the option of an 'out'. However, if you go now then you will find it harder to opt out at a later date.

Exactly!

I would stay at home with the baby while DH goes. It's lovely the family has this tradition and closeness but nobody should be a slave to it. Explain to your niece directly that you can't go because of the baby but DH will be going and will tell you all about it. Then you are fair to the child, step away from the forced attendance for the future and get to save your free time.

Well the best option would seem to be you and DH go on the night MIL isn't and she babysits for you. That's if you are desperate to go. But I wouldn't expect my DSis to go to something like this unless she took the initiative and said she'd like to.

I wouldn't go and agree with the others that say you are making a rod for your own back if you start this.
If you sit through 4 plus years of these evenings how utterly pissed off are you going to be if they are too busy/tired to go to your dd/ds's things.

God no.