to baulk at MIL's shopping habits for my children?

[parakeet]

Yes, it's another MIL one, sorry.

We have two young children, MIL's only grandchildren, and she sees them every couple of months. She has always gone mad at Christmas but this year was crazy - she probably bought about 30-40 presents between them, including eight separate multi-packs of bobbles and hair-clips, each with about 20-50 items in. The rest was a mixture of bits and bobs, nothing too expensive, it's just the sheer quantity.

We were loading it into plastic bags and we could barely fit it all in the car. As well as all the stuff that was given to them at the time, there was another massive bin-bag of unwrapped presents we were supposed to give to them "later on in the year" because "she just couldn't help herself"

My husband and I have never really believed in going mad on the presents front at Christmas so the children don't come to think it's all about how much stuff you get. We also don't have a massive house - the two children share a bedroom - and we literally have no room for it. I know there are worse problems in life to have but I'm starting to wonder if there is an obsessive-compulsive element to her shopping?

What does she say when you tell her it's too much?

After last Christmas my husband gently asked her to tone it down a bit. Apparently she said "you can't stop me".

At least it sounds like disposable things that can be easily donated to school fairs without her noticing..

Can you suggest instead of wasting money on tat, she put some money in their bank accounts, they'll be so grateful for it when theyre older and will appreciate her more for it.

I'd suggest it stays at her house. Maybe when her house is full she'll calm down?!

bank account is a good idea, doubt it'll work though as mil is obviously a spender not a saver - hope I'm wrong!

Same here! She won't stop and really enjoys buying presents for DS. We're hoping BILs will have DCs soon!

Same here! She won't stop and really enjoys buying presents for DS. We're hoping BILs will have DCs soon!

My Mum loves buying for my DC.

It makes her happy finding stuff she thinks they'd like.

Stuff they don't like/want goes to the charity shop eventually.

And i would never tell her that.

We live in a small place and everything has to be packed in perfectly or it just won't fit.

I take the view that just because someone wants to buy the DCs something, that doesn't oblige me to keep it and find room for it. I skim surplus presents to re-gift or take to the charity shop. Felt a bit guilty at first but realistically, unless it comes with a cheque to upgrade ourselves to a 3BR place, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

We have put the "one small present only please" message about, and if people choose to ignore it, it doesn't mean I have to step over giant playsets on the living room floor.

'It doesn't oblige YOU to keep it'?

I see where you are coming from but blimey...

I don't know how old your DC are but will you 'skim' so called surplus presents when they are old enough to tell you that they aren't your presents to give away?

Yes, ME. The person who pays the mortgage. The person named on the title deeds. The person who has to work out where everything goes in a small space.

They are very young. When they are older, they will be given the choice to send what they want to the charity shop to make space to keep any presents they want.

I take it you don't live in a small place? We literally do not have an empty drawer or cupboard. Why should all four of us have to step over whatever gigantic pile of presents somebody else has bought for the selfish privilege of appearing like Santa?

I would discreetly "tidy up" some of these presents and give them away as birthday presents etc.

I'd be upset to see so much money spent on children. It's OTT and there's a danger they grow up with a sense of entitlement which is dangerous as they might be tempted to spend more than they can afford

I make the choice for them because they are too young to understand all the factors involved in the equation.

We live in an inner-city flat that means DH and I are home by 6pm at the latest. The local school is excellent. We could sell up and buy a five-bedroom house in an outer suburb for the same money. Do you really think it's better for under-fours that their parents don't get home until 7.30pm and they attend a bad primary school because they want to keep that activity table AND play castle AND six different jewellery boxes?

Could you ask for something like books instead? If people ask me what DS would like, I always ask for books as he loves them, they don't take up much space and grandparents like to think they are buying a "better" present than plastic stuff.

OP I totally see where you are coming from.

My Mum and Gran have been buying random tat presents for DD since she was born in October even though we have said "put money in her account/don't buy more presents" etc etc.

I have returned lots to clothes to the shops but only got the sale price as a voucher because I don't have the receipt so I hate the money being wasted but it's not as though I haven't told them a million times to stop buying . I have sent stuff to the charity shop too.

Someone made a good suggestion to me to specifically ask for soft play/similar type vouchers. I am going to try this when she is old enough as there is a water slide place near us. Would this idea work for you? Or how about a swimming pass? It's something specific for her to spend her money on and something you would actually use.

Good luck. You have my sympathy :)

Suggest clothes rather than presents or rather one present then clothes.

You mention MIL but not FIL. Perhaps MIL overindulges her DGC because she is lonely or there is something lacking in her life (in no way blaming you and your DH for that) and it gives her a sense of purpose. Does she have a social life? Just thinking that if she went running/joined the WI/started a sewing circle/learnt car mechanics/attended evening classes or whatever else might interest her, she might think differently. Clearly the present buying helps her in some way and she is determined. Her refusal to stop may be a form of rebellion - it's not only children who do so! Think you and your DC must be smilingly grateful and continue to regift or go to the charity shop (although as they get older they will no doubt let you know that everything must be kep). You will have to be very, very inventive with the storage.

Donate the surplus to your local women's shelter.

This is a nuisance but someone who needs the toys could benefit in the end.

This is exactly the same as my MIL. I hate it. When we have to take things back to the shop or dump them with the charity shop it makes me feel so ungrateful but we live in a one bedroom house and SHE's the one always tutting at our clutter. It's usually horrible Disney tat and clothes too. DP tried to have a word but to no avail. The bank account suggestion didn't work, I guess for the same reason as bumpybecky describes. DS is only 3 MONTHS so goodness knows what we'll do in the years to come. YANBU.

Give her a flyer for your local storage units and suggest she include rental in her present budget.

Just save the stuff you don't want and keep it as presents for other children, eBay it or send it to the charity shop or local mother and baby group. Someone will get some use out of it. Your mil doesn't need to know.

YANBU!!! My MIL is exactly the same. The DC's each had 3 Christmas sacks filled to the brim with what can only be described as crap. I have tried telling her specifically what to buy and it doesn't work. One year I told my OH that I refused to go round and pretend to be enthusiastic about the piles of shit she had bought the DC's. Childish, maybe, this didn't work either.
If it's any consolation she has got better as they've got older, but what I do now is the same as you, discreetly boot a load off to the charity shop and hope nobody ever notices, lol.
Unfortunately MIL's are their to be the bane of our lives and while you are most definately NBU sometimes you just gotta suck it up.

Oh and another thing I do is buy her equally crap presents. If she wnts to buy the DC millions of packets of pens, pencils, bobbles, other cheap crap then I make sure she gets lots of cheap crap back too. Bad? Maybe. But makes me feel slightly better

My MIL is a shopaholic. It's mostly harmless: she can afford it, she enjoys it and I get her to store most of the stuff in her own house for when DD is staying there.

What I try to avoid is her buying all the 'special' things for DD. My parents live abroad and while they don't share her need to buy stuff constantly, they do like to contribute something nice every so often, as special keepsakes for the kids. They buy only a few things, but it's always well thought out and good quality. I always tell MIL in advance what my mother is buying for birthdays/christmas, so she doesn't go and get it first.

Also, I'm pregnant and would very much like to do some 'baby shopping' with my own mother. As it is, MIL has already bought everything we need without being asked, but I'm ignoring it so mum can still have a role to play and feel involved. I actually think this is the hardest bit: appreciating everything MIL does, without making my own parents feel left out or like they are in some kind of competition.