... to want to mind this relationship

[teahouse]

My xH and I have been apart for over 10 years. He married his OW and they have a DS aged 6-7ish.

My DSs used to see their dad every other weekend. Eldest at Uni and rarely sees his dad even when he's home from Uni. Youngest still does the alternative weekend thing although it at Sixth Form but feels he's often a babysitter at his dad's (and only gets £5 for a night's sitting his half-brother).

Both DSs have said they feel their dad prefers his youngest son (their half-brother), and that they really don't care that much for them, and that he takes very little interest in their lives.

I have asked him in the past to take more notice of their feelings but was told I was I was stirring things up.

AIBU to want to try again in the hope he can demonstrate to them they he loves them and is interested in them, and that his new son isn't his favourite.

I think that it needs to come from your Sons. They are old enough now to tell him themselves.

At the age your sons are, they need to tackle their relationship with their father and would probably prefer it if you didn't get involved. I can understand that it saddens you but I doubt any intervention (bear in mind the oldest is an adult anyway) will do more than stir up grief.

TBF, it's highly probable that he does prefer his younger son seeing as he has a proper relationship with him.

I know exactly how you feel...and my ds is only 9!
His dad is on 2nd marriage (1 marriage after me) and 3rd child (dd with 1st wife and now dd with 2nd wife) plus new wife has 4 ds....and my ds knows he is way down the priority list
It hurts like hell but whatever I say will not change anything....his dad is a loser
The day we split I told him that whatever he puts in with his son is what he will get out....hence my ds isn't really bothered about going to their house....
Situations like this are sad....

If one's at Uni and one's in 6th form, they're adults right?

It's up to your Ex to sort this out now, you've done your bit.

My DH is in the same position as your sons only many years down the line - he is the only son of his Dad's first marriage, and has 2 younger half brothers. He still feels his dad doesn't care enough and although he gets on very well with his half brothers he will never have the close relationship that they have with each other (partly due to their ages being closer to each other than to him, but mainly because he doesn't share an upbringing with him).

So I think my point is that whatever you do, your sons will probably always have this feeling to some extent as they don't live with their dad and their half-brother does. They now need to find a way to make their own relationship with him.

I can only imagine that is really hard for you, and wish you the best in dealing with a difficult situation.