How much is too much time to spend with your parents and in-laws?

[Ohnoredundo]

DS 10 months now and the understandable initial excitement from both sets of parents is showing no signs of abating. My mother is round most days and PIL are round every third day. I feel I can tell my own mum when I really don't fancy seeing her but AIBU to tell DH that occasionally I don't want a third nightly visit? Sometimes I just want to slob in front of the TV with spot cream on and not talk yet once again about whether DS is teething or not teething. They are all lovely people - and we love them - but spending this amount of time with them means that they are all really starting to grate on me. Once a week would be far better...

This is your life, and your house. You get to choose. You see these people all the time, you don't need dh to talk to them for you. Do it yourself.

"MIL, FIL, you are fabulous people and great grandparents, we love spending time with you - but I'm really tired in the evenings, and I want some more time alone with dh too. Unfortunately I have to ask you to visit a bit less often. Once a week would be great. Which day would you like to come this week? Lovely, I'll look forward to that".

And lock the door. If they arrive and unlock it themselves - "I know you mean well but I find it quite difficult when you walk into my home without ringing first. Please stop letting yourselves in, and use the doorbell". If that doesn't work, ask for the keys back. Or put a chain on.

This is assuming they are normal reasonable people who love you, of course. This kind of talking works fine with my lovely ILs, who we see a couple of times a month. It wouldn't work at all with my self-absorbed parents, who we don't see at all now.

It sounds as though your DH really enjoys spending time with his parents and is happy for them to have keys to the house - is that the issue? If he won't say anything I am not sure what you can do apart from get up and go out yourself as soon as they arrive .

Bertha I agree with that kind of talk only working with decent people and not the self-absorbed and entitled. I tried it with my FIL and we haven't spoken in nearly a year since!

OP they sound like decent people, sweetly tell them yourself. Maybe they have started to feel obliged to come so often and might be looking for a way out.

You can swap them for my parents and ILs. If that's any help?

Bloody nora that would do my head in!

Nobody lets themselves into my house apart from me and DH.

I can't imagine having my mum round daily and evenings are precious relaxing time, I don't want to feel obliged to entertain visitors (even in-laws) when all I want to do is slob on the sofa in my PJs watching crap telly, MNing and drinking tea.

Luckily my inlaws and my mum live 250 miles away but even if they lived round the corner I'd be establishing some boundaries. I couldn't bear to live in each other's pockets.

I have in law issues so can sympathise.

My MIL wanted to move in when I had DD and could not understand why I was keen. We ended up having a showdown when DD was 5 days old when she came round and offered to look after the baby while I cooked and cleaned. She says she has never felt comfortable in our house which is interesting as she also walks straight in without ringing the bell.

Once a month would be more than enough for me but DH insists on once a week as they only live 5 miles away. Please tell me this is unreasonable...