Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this "normal" or have I "spoiled" my children

53 replies

Bathsheba · 23/01/2012 17:46

Quick summary - FT SAHM to 3 DDs - 1 is 8 on Thursday, one is 5, one has just turned 2 a couple of weeks ago.

Elder 2 are at school.

Came home from school pick up - girls got changed, homework done all together at the dining room table (so lots of attention and working together. DD1's friend came round and they alternated playing outside and inside. DD3 was having a quiet time watching some TV and DD2 was "pottering".

I had an online job application to do. I asked them to leave me alone in the kitchen (where the PC is) for a little while (no point specifying half an hour as the younger 2 have no idea of how long that is).

I ended the half hour job application process in tears. NO-ONE could leave me alone at all for a second.

They had a huge potential to entertain themselves and each other. They were appropriately fed and watered. They were dressed appropriately.

I was pestered for

  • the contents of yesterday's party bag
  • food
  • snacks
  • drinks
  • the toilet (by someone perfectly able to take themselves)

DD1 wouldn;t let DD2 do things.

DD1's friend wanted paper to draw on

DD3 wanted to meow like a cat at me

DD2 asked 4 times where her dinner was.

EACH AND EVERY time I said "Please do not disturb me, I AM BUSY".

In the end I was screaming "get out" at them

I would LOVE to think this is because I am such a great Mummy that they "need" me and want to spend time with me, and want to share their minor thoughts with me because I've taught them to be great communicators...

But just once in a blue moon I want them to leave me alone to do half an hours work (I do voluntary work as well that requires a fair bit of IT admin and I need to make a huge song and dance to get anything done, waiting till DH is in, and then ensuring that he knows I am WORKING and that HE needs to be IN CHARGE at that time instead of this constant stream on little people saying "mummmmmmeeeee"...

Tell me my children are normal and not badly behaved and spoiled and bratty....

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 23/01/2012 17:48

Sounds normal to me, and then whenever I'm trying to get DS to do something with me, like tidy up his own mess, he mysteriously disappears and develops the ability to play alone for hours.

Catsmamma · 23/01/2012 17:49

I'd say the eight year old should know better, but tbh telling them you want time alone is probably the MOST enticing thing you could have said.

Jacksterbear · 23/01/2012 17:49

Sounds perfectly normal to me! Smile

pjmama · 23/01/2012 17:49

Sounds exactly like my house, can't turn around without tripping over a bloody 5 year old or two! Grin

Save it for when they've gone to bed, it's the only way!

toddlerama · 23/01/2012 17:50

If I tell mine to leave me alone they can manage around 20 mins. We've built up to that...

TheProvincialLady · 23/01/2012 17:52

TBH it sounds like you planned your time and theirs badly. Your children were hungry, not long out of school, had a guest with them and needed a bit of you. The time for job applications was after they had gone to bed, or at least when they had been properly fed and watered and didn't have a friend over.

mojitomania · 23/01/2012 17:52

Sounds totally normal with kids that age. Leave me alone for a while is a few mins in my book Grin

Maybe save job applications etc. for later when they're in bed.

Almostfifty · 23/01/2012 17:52

The eight and five year olds should be able to leave you alone. The two year old not I think.

I would get an alarm clock, set it for a certain time (maybe fifteen minutes) and say they are not to bother you till it goes off.

Then, set it for another fifteen minutes. That's reasonable.

Mind, when mine were young the second I got a phone call...

coccyx · 23/01/2012 17:54

i become very popular when on the phone or on the toilet.

MrsWobble · 23/01/2012 17:56

have you read "Five minutes peace"? I love that book and am so sorry my children are too old for it now. And I think your children are perfectly normal.

pud1 · 23/01/2012 17:56

Sounds just like my two dds who are 2.5 and 4. Phone calls are next to impossible. They can be playing in another room and if they hear the phone their not getting attention radar kicks in. It drives me insane

keepingupwiththejoneses · 23/01/2012 17:57

That is totally normal. I would put money on the fact that the second I need to make a phone call or write an important email, my kids will start playing up. Even as you say they are fed and watered, doing exactly what they want to do, even if they had been quiet and settled for 10mins or so they will kick off as soon as the ringing tone starts.

maypole1 · 23/01/2012 17:58

Oh dear op don't worry every one has this I had a time were the only time I could ring my sister was pretending to be having a bath and even then they would try and bring things to the bath even though their dad was sitting right there

Is it possible for oh to I've you some ME time you seem a little over whelmed at the moment

Kladdkaka · 23/01/2012 17:59

My 4 are exactly the same. Never a moments peace to concentrate.

(My 4 = 1 x husband, 1 x 18 year old, 1 x 18 year old's boyfriend, 1 x 7yr old westie)

Reesie · 23/01/2012 17:59

I find that you can often have half hours peace but not when you try and plan it!

valkilly · 23/01/2012 18:00

I agree with Catsmamma. If you had said nothing and just got on with it, they mightn't have noticed and left you in peace. It's like a red rag to a bull telling kids that you have something to do. I'm a teacher and sometimes need to spend time calling individual kids up to my desk to hear reading, help with specific problem etc (obviously while all other kids have work to get on with). I soon learned not to announce this and expect the kids to work quietly as I wouldn't get a minutes peace. If I just quietly got on with it, the others barely noticed!

Also why didn't you just do it while the elder kids were at school and youngest was watching tv?

ComposHat · 23/01/2012 18:00

Sounds like normal kiddie behaviour tbh.

But would it not have been easier to do it when the kids had gone to bed? Also is thekitchen really the best place to do it? Kitchens are generally a bit of a thoroughfare - could the PC not live in a quieter area of the house? Failing that basic 2nd hand laptops can be bought cheaply and could afford you a bit of privacy.

peeriebear · 23/01/2012 18:01

As soon as I go upstairs to get dressed in the morning, I will hear a thud thud thud up the stairs and DD2 will appear to tell me she is being a puppy today/swing off the end of the bed/tell me a joke/pull faces in my mirror. She is 5. Even DD1 (10) will come in for no reason just to say "Hi Mummy!" and chatter on about something. However they do listen if I ask them to leave me be!

Theas18 · 23/01/2012 18:01

Very normal for after school tired/hungry/generally out of sorts time.

Had it been a weekend mid morning or mid afternoon when they were well fed watered and de stressed then the 8yr olds and maybe the 5yr old could have given you some peace, but not the 2yr old even then.

Your kids are on the lovely side of normal, none of the "demands" were outrageous and non of them (unless you are holding something back) were rude/shouty . It's not like one was pulling someones hair out because they wouldn't get a snack for them or what ever,

OrmIrian · 23/01/2012 18:04

They are normal.

When they are older they will understand better when you really need them to leave you in peace.

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 23/01/2012 18:07

My 3 are similar ages to yours and it sounds perfectly normal. What is most normal in my house is that older 2 are playing nicely. Ds2 is napping so I think ooh I'll just nip off and do that little job. The second I move a muscle to do anything toddler wakes up and the other 2 spidey sense kicks in and they are up and after me suddenly needing all manner of things.
One moment that sticks out in my head was telling them I was nipping to the loo and ds1 leapt up and shouted race you and dd stood up and followed me chatting and we all ended up in the bathroom. Now for about 15 minutes previously nobody had even looked at me as they were so absorbed in their own activities but the second I move to do an activity I do prefer doing solo they suddenly needed my attention. Hmm

maypole1 · 23/01/2012 18:07

OrmIrian I find as they get older they just find more mischief to get into

OrmIrian · 23/01/2012 18:08

Well exactly maypole. They find more mischief to get into and are therefore to busy to bother you...Wink

maypole1 · 23/01/2012 18:18

believe most dads are the back up parents sadly
I sometimes have son wait to ask me somthing whilest I am out and beeing looked after by his dad to be honest I do think many husbands encourag this behaviour by always

Repeating ask your mum even before the child as opend their mouth

Original poster
Bathsheba · 23/01/2012 18:37

Thanks everyone - I'm now out at dd2's swimming lesson having almost 5 mins almost to myself. I probably should have left it until they were in bed but I'm very aware I have a month's ironing to do tonight that I have been saving until they are in bed (safety for dd3) and I'm so tired at the moment that there is a limit to what I can keep until after bedtime.

I'm glad the concensus is that they are normal little girls and not spoilt brats

OP posts: