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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like crying when I see a photo of myself

69 replies

WannaBeWildCosMyLifesSoTame · 23/01/2012 15:02

Like most people I'm never very keen on pictures of myself so I avoid them whenever I can but I've lost quite a lot of weight (3 stone) recently and invested in some decent make-up and skincare (money down the drain as far as I can tell :() so I had hoped that I might look OK in some pictures I was having to get taken for work. I'm sorry to say that wasn't the case.

I've just seen the pics and I look absolutely awful - saggy and wrinkly with either a stupid grin or an expression like I'm about to punch someone, with massive boobs and pasty skin and every pore and blemish glaringly obvious. Worst of all, I don't even look like me - not how I see myself in the mirror anyway. I look old and tired and I can see the most unattractive features of all my relatives staring out at me.

I'm only 38 - do I really have to avoid cameras for the rest of my life just so I don't have to feel this depressed again?

OP posts:

Jacksterbear · 23/01/2012 16:25

I am hideously unphotogenic too. At least I hope I am!

LadyWellian · 23/01/2012 16:27

Imagine if someone had taken to Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's face with a wire brush. That is me in (most) photos. If I didn't believe I looked better in the flesh, I don't think I would ever leave the house.

The only thing that is worse is video. Stupid, gurning expressions that move!

imoanruby · 23/01/2012 16:29

I'm another one who's not photogenic at all

I would love to have a nice canvas picture of myself and dd's up in our house but all photos of me are hideous. My nose is the worst and looks broken in photos. I find it so hard to pose as i know it won't make any difference and i have always been so self concious. Aside from my wedding photos i have not had any photos taken for years. When no one is in sometimes dd's and i mess about with the camera and take photos which i never print but leave on the laptop so just incase (god forbid) anything ever happened to me my girls will have photos of me.

I would so love to me one of those naturally pretty & photogenic women. It's made even worse by the fact that dh is so photogenic and never takes a bad photo so i end up looking like a troll next to him - i hate it.

Original poster

WannaBeWildCosMyLifesSoTame · 23/01/2012 16:35

Aaah you guys! That's made me feel so much better, thank you :). I got the photographer to redo the pics indoors and they are a bit better - I don't think bright winter sunshine on pale skin and eyes screwed up against it was my finest look!

But LadyWellian's post leads me on to something even worse... it's totally unrelated and coincidental but I found out today that I am going to be on the telly. Not for anything remotely interesting, just being interviewed about something to do with work, but if I can't bear photos of myself how the hell am I going to cope with seeing myself on film? I've definitely got to do it but the idea makes me go cold - does anyone have any tips like the Posh/tongue in the roof of your mouth type of thing for not looking a complete fat fool on TV?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 23/01/2012 16:35

To all of you saying you hate having your photo taken, and avoid it at all costs. Please dont.

I say that because my mum was like that.. she absolutely hated her photo being taken as she got past her 20's. (She was a vain old bugger, and absolutely stunning when she was young, and she hated seeing herself in a photo..) but she was my mum, and now she is no longer here, I have very few photos to look at which I find really sad. Photos are memories, your kids dont care if you dont look like Angelina Jolie or Claudia Schiffer on a photo either.. but they will, in the future, love to be able to show their grandchildren photos of their life with you.

Popbiscuit · 23/01/2012 16:39

Oh, Ruby! I do that too! There's lots of pictures of me on the computer for the kids but I never look at them or print them out. DH is annoyingly photogenic too so is always mooning in front of the camera which makes me look and feel even more self-conscious and awkward. I think I'm probably quite averagey looking but I just can't bear to see pictures of myself...I always look unnatural and weird or am blinking or my hair is sticking up.

zukiecat · 23/01/2012 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BandOMothers · 23/01/2012 16:44

Im 39 and felt bad a few months ago OP. I used to take a good picture but then put a couple of stones on and looked like a solid Irish Peasant in every pic taken. (I am Irish so am allowed to say that) I literally looked like I'd just come in from the spud fields in one set of pics as I was wearing a peasant style dress with my white, porky legs sticking out and a big old moon face.

I've lost a stone and bought some mineral makeup...brilliant it is...it seems light but covers all my many blemishes. I feel MUCH better.

LadyWellian · 23/01/2012 16:51

WannaBe - is it in the studio? If so insist on going to make-up! More importantly, don't talk too quickly - not only does babbling make you unintelligible but it probably doesn't do your face any favours.

I had to do a thing on the telly a couple of years ago. Luckily it didn't involve looking into the camera, as I was reading from a book.

brighthair · 23/01/2012 16:58

I always look in the mirror and think yeah looks nice. Next morning see photos from the night before and want to sob

Best trick is to have photos taken from above - so if you are sitting get person with camera to stand up. Seems to hide a double chin and somehow be more flattering

ll31 · 23/01/2012 17:03

re telly would think you'll look great -because you'll be talking about something you're interested in so will be animated, your personality will show!

CalamityKate · 23/01/2012 17:19

Sorry if I'm pointing out the obvious, or if someone's already said it but...

The image you see in a photo ISN'T the same image you see in the mirror. What you see in a mirror is reversed; which is why most of us don't like the way we look in photos. The "you" in photos is what other people see; the "you" in the mirror is what you're used to.

Try standing behind someone you know well, while they look in the mirror - they'll look slightly "wrong" to you because their mirror image isn't what you normally see.

ClothesOfSand · 23/01/2012 17:33

Okay, the other way of looking at this is that you in fact have lovely alabaster skin, full breasts and just need to buy a decent primer.

Go over to Style and Beauty and get some advice on products and clothes that would suit your new figure.

The photo on my work ID card was taken while I was having an argument with the staff member taking the photo. I look absolutely terrifying in it and I had to wear that card for years. My Dad had a work card that he looked like Rasputin in.

Original poster

WannaBeWildCosMyLifesSoTame · 23/01/2012 17:37

CalamityKate - I did sort of know that but hadn't really realised if that doesn't sound too dim - it explains a lot!

I agree about looking at people you know well - I've seen it when my DH is shaving and I look at him in the mirror, but I had never applied it to myself - I suppose it's down to that thing about faces not being completely symmetrical. I think if they were even the most beautiful people would look completely different - you sometimes see it done in magazines and the results are really surprising.

OP posts:

MistyMountainHop · 23/01/2012 17:40

i hate having my pic taken

because i either look absolutely minging, or way more attractive than i think i actually am

either way i don't look like the "me" i see in the mirror

photo's can be weird

TheOriginalNutcracker · 23/01/2012 17:45

I hate it too. I was bridesmaid 3 years ago and I was so looking forward to seeing the pics afterwards. I hated all of them, every single one of me was awful.

TalkinPeace2 · 23/01/2012 17:51

there is ONE picture of me that I love
it was taken when I was 18
all others I loathe

RuleBritannia · 23/01/2012 17:56

WannaBeWildCosMyLifesSoTame You look beautiful and I wish I were in your place.

I saw a photo of myself at a party recently and I looked just awful and my clothes looked too tight! Please tell me how you lost your weight and how long it took. I need deserately to lose a stone to get back to where I was last year.

ScatterChasse · 23/01/2012 17:57

Mine are ok if taken when I don't know they're being taken. Otherwise I usually look daft and wonky, I don't know why, but my eyebrows look incredibly unlevel and my eyes do too! I must tilt my head slightly or something.

Better than my sister though, every single picture of her before the age of about 6 or 7 has one eye closed. When Mum and Dad were asked if they'd ever noticed she had a lazy eye they said no!

FabbyChic · 23/01/2012 17:58

I look great from the neck up but below the neck Im overweight! Lucky for me I photograph well, but like others have said you probably don't look anything like the pics to othes.===

NoMoreInsomnia12 · 23/01/2012 18:10

I look at photos of me say ten years ago and think "I look nice, why did I think that was a bad photo?" I think we are too critical of ourselves and others see us differently. Though a tip for looking good in photos is to look straight into the lens. Not at the person taking the photo or anywhere else. It really works, I was much happier with photos of myself after learning that.

Also I can tell in photos when I've been exercising regularly- not necessarily because I'm lighter but I just look more toned esp in my face.

Shodan · 23/01/2012 18:11

I'm appallingly unphotogenic and I've had so many unflattering pics taken that I have been turning away from the camera for the last 15 years or so. Unfortunately that turned out to be not such a great idea, as I discovered after one MN meet-up- a couple of delightful shots of my backside.

However - DH treated me to one of those photo sessions a couple of years ago. I wasn't best pleased, tbh, but he said it was to help me overcome my dislike of photos and to make me realise how beautiful I was (soppy git). The experience itself was... painful (lots of posing, in silly positions ) and a ton of makeup but actually, I was pleased with the results.

So at least I have three photos of me that I like. Most, though, show me shiny-faced/shorter-legged/wider-beamed/mad-haired/big-nosed/wrinkly-necked etc.

And, naturally, I am none of those things.

Original poster

WannaBeWildCosMyLifesSoTame · 23/01/2012 18:14

ScatterChasse - Yes! I look wonky as well, my whole head seems to be at one angle and my features at a different one!

LadyWellian - not in a studio sadly, I would love a professional make-up artist to get their hands on me

ClothesofSand you made me laugh about arguing with the person taking the photo! My DH's old work pass looks like a prison mugshot, I'm surprised they let him through the door every morning!

RuleBritannia - it's been nearly 2 years so far on good old WeightWatchers, I've still got around another 2 stone to lose if I want to get to goal but it's hard going - doing it really slowly has been the key for me but after a while it gets very boring! Seeing myself looking better in photos was one of my main motivators which is why I was so depressed earlier - I do look a bit thinner but still not like I do in my head! That said, even the slimmest, prettiest people I know fret about how they look all the time, seems women are rarely truly happy with themselves.

OP posts:

mojitomania · 23/01/2012 18:18

I always think i look fab after a few gins

Well thats what the mirror tells me anyway.

TwoStepsBack · 23/01/2012 18:22

It could be worse. You could be like me.

I look good in photos but shit in real life

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