annoying neighbour

[veronicalake]

We live in a small rural community. New family moved in round the corner with 4 kids but two already away at uni so only an 11 and 14 yo at home. My kids are 3, 5 and 7. My dh works away and what with the kids and 3 pets i find my load quite ample to say the least.

So new neighbour who has joined the parents group at school takes it upon herself to ask me about a local event coming up which the school get involved in as a fundraiser and says 'i was wondering if you'd like to help'

AIBU because i felt like saying 'if i wanted to help i would have volunteered'. Sorry but surely as someone who has had a few kids herself she must remember how hectic life can be. We do our bit for the school in other ways. I think she is a cheeky cow.

Maybe you should have explained more in your opening OP as it came across that you were being a bit unfriendly.

It now sounds like she's a bit of a bossy boots. Just give her a wide berth and don't get sucked in.

hobnobs best get that sorted. I sometimes wish drip feeding was forbidden

Op gets one shot then we can let loose lol

Right, Ok,
OP "AIBU?"
posters x 10 "YABU"
OP "oh no I'm not"

YABVU. She asked would you like to help, to which you reply no. She didn't just sign you up. You sound like one of those my life is so much harder than yours.

She "took it upon herself" to ask you a question? How fucking dare she? Put her in the village stocks immediately!

I can't see whats wrong with her asking. All you have to do is say you are too busy.
She made a request - she didn't punch you in the face FFS

Grow up.

That is all.

Obviously, even with 3 pets 3 kids and a husband who works away you have far too much time on your hands if you're obsessing worrying about having been asked could you help out - sorry no I'm busy and move on

Ok, you've invited her over a couple of times and she's said no. Maybe she had very genuine reasons why she couldn't meet up and has felt really guilty that you'd think she was giving you the brush off. So she asked you if you'd like to help, as a way to get chatting and maybe meet up?

OK so i'm bu.

But you are wrong that she is just trying to be friendly and i am the village bitch. Far from it.

I try hard to be friendly and supportive esp to people in this community who are isolated, like myself and find things hard. awomanscorned i wasn't for a minute saying my life is so much harder than everyone elses, i was merely being honest that i do find it hard for my own reasons as many people here in similar circumstances do.

Not long after this woman moved here the most awful thing happened here and it really shook the whole community esp the mothers with young children. She was particularly blase about the whole thing and quite offensive. Many people are still deeply affected by this.

Today she asked did i want to help with the tone of 'maybe you should do something' and tbh it did piss me off. Whilst she is busy worrying about the bbq i have other things to be concerned with. AND she did have a tone. I know she only asked but she asked because she is doing something to help and she thinks i should too. I said no and yes i will move but it does piss me off that she feels i should be helping with this like i am sitting here living the high life. She is ignorant.

I realise this wasn't apparent from the op but felt i wanted to defend myself from being labeled the 'only bitch in the village'.

think she was probably trying to be friendly

Move on that is ...not move. I might be making a mountain out a molehill but moving is a bit extreme.

OP taking everything you have said into account I think YANBU. But if I had only read your original post I might have felt differently...

If you are so sure YANBU why did you even ask?

YANBU, you are indeed a very annoying neighbour.

I must admit when I read your first post I did think bloomin' cheek, newcomer asking you to help out. If she asks again or mentions it, I think you just have to say that you can't do it. Whether you are busy or you just can't be bothered, there's no need to have to explain yourself. In situations like these I always remember the scene in Friends where Monica (I think) is moving house and all the others are squirming, trying to think of ways out of helping, and Phoebe just says "I'd help, but .... I don't want to"

I think you worry too much about what other people think. People all have different ways and personalities and can't be the way we want them to be - Just have nothing to do with her or learn to not let it affect you so much. She has no right to expect you to do anything so stop stressing about it.

As for the awful thing that happened (?) - people have different ways of coping and responding to stuff - it doesn't mean she is awful - just different.

You have 3 kids. The oldest of who at 7 should be well on their way to being independent. What do you want? A medal? My friend raised 3 extremely difficult kids, ran the PTA, the preschool committee and was on the parish council. all while her husband worked away.
Your op makes you sound like a martyr. She has older kids. Maybe if you were friendly, they could babysit, whilst you helped with the event.

FGs, drip feeding and adding certain bits when you are unhappy with people's responses is unbelievably irritating.

Would you have added the extra posts if people were saying you were being reasonable?!

Originally, i'd have said YABVVVU!! Now, i'd say YABU...a bit!

Crikey she was only asking!