To lose sympathy for good friend?

[cantgetlaidingermany]

My friend of 8 years has been on and off with a man she used to work with for over a year now.

Basically they are both in the process of divorce and both have DC. From the start he has pissed her around, she has been dragged into his and ex's rows about maintanace and access to his kids. I think she has been far too involved and opinoionated but there you go, she hasn't listened to anything people say.

They broke up a few months ago, and last week she put on FB that she has been seeing a new man, definately not him at the time. But a few days later she changed back to single so that is all finished.

Anyway today there is a load of crap about how she needs to take her own advise and stop going back to someone who doesn't deserve her....so obviously he has been in touch again because she had a new man and convinced her to give it a go with him again...and same old shit has happened as it always does.

After having to listen to all the angst and woe for the hundreth time my reply was "stop going back then FFS, he doesn't give a shite about you..but doesn't want you to move on and you fall for it everytime."
Apparently I'm highly unreasonable, and she can't help who she loves etc...
So thats us falling out for a while then, but honestly I am not unreasonable to point the facts out am I?

YANBU but my tip would be to stop having too much to do with this one-woman soap opera, stop reading her Facebook entries, stop engaging and go do other more interesting things without her. There is nothing more boring than the ins and outs of other people's relationships. Move on.

Was just about to write what Cognito has.

True....I have tried enough times to make her see the man is a complete shit, and not going to be with her in the long run.

I had a similar argument with a friend recently who told me she "knew I'd shout at her for getting back with dickhead her beau" giggle giggle and apparently "you can't help who you are attracted too, we all love a bad boy"

My response was that we don't all love a bad boy as not all of us what to be treated terribly and with a complete lack of interest or respect. And I'm not going to shout at her ffs as she is a grown woman who can make up her own mind.

However, I will not be there picking up the pieces when he does it again, as the last 5 times in 1 year are enough.

Oh and I also told her I thought she had better self esteem than to go out with someone who clearly dislikes her, and finds it amusing to humiliate her at every given opportunity.

Some people love this type of drama so leave them to it. It may get a little more tedious if they have no one listening to their wailing when they split up and shrieks of delight when they get back together.

Sorry - I got a bit ranty there

YANBU - you can only tell em so many times!

Billy....it's so true, it must be the drama of it all.
I can't listen anymore TBH...hopefully when everyone else is sick of it, she will dump him because noone is bothered.

Yup I know someone like this who is having an affair whilst supposedly working on her marriage. She likes the drama of it all I reckon, I find it immensely tedious to listen to now, so I avoid her.

Reassuring I'm not the only one with a friend like this. So sick of hearing 'you can't help who you fall in love with'. I have distanced myself because I ran out of patience and was losing all respect for her; I thought it would help but I'm left feeling like a meany.

It is probably true that you can't help who you're attracted to, but you can damn well help how you deal with it and can act with self respect.

Agree with Winkly. OP, there comes a point when sympathy, patience and tolerance run out. I once fell out with a friend in a similar situation to your friend for almost a year when I had enough of her drama. She eventually saw sense and apologised to me, so we made up. I hope your friend will do so too.

I had a friend like this. I was there when she was having a really bad time in her life, literally nursed her back to health and happiness and she repeats the same pattern over and over with the same bloke.

For years I was there for her but there is only so much of the same conversation you can have. I withdrew gradually and I feel so much better for it. I catch up with her now and again and its still same shit different day.