to think this is a bit mean

[egg40]

DD is performing in a show at theatre not very close to home. There are two performances. In laws decided they wanted to go to Saturday matinee Show. So I suggested dh go with them. The reason being I am the one who normally does ferrying round so I would have to go to Friday eve performance anyway. If I went on Saturday I would be hanging around on Friday eve with nowhere to go. DS is still young so is not interested in going. All well and good.
However, now dh is thinking about going out for a meal after the performance. He has not said come and join us.
I will probably solve this by saying where shall we meet you but I feel sad me and ds have been forgotten.

Firstly you shouldn't require an invite to go for a meal. Secondly you aren't going to be there anyway so he probably hasn't even considered you might want to go. Thirdly, just say "That sounds lovely, where shall we meet?".

Don't read too much into it. (yet)

I wouldn't have a problem if hubby went for a meal with his dd and his parents without me.... as you say ds is still young - maybe he or his parents want to take dd somewhere special to celebrate her performance, and it would be "easier" without a little one in tow -to do something just for her ?

But op was looking after son anyway because she dust want to go as she was going on the Friday!

I don't think it's mean to be taking his parents to see his dd in a show and happen to grab a meal before or
After? Not mean at all IMO

Unfortuntely this is not the first time similar has hppened. Another day I was working so he had MIL round to help with dc. I returned home to find house empty. They returned about 2 hours later having gone to Brewsters. They must have left house about 15 minutes before I returned home. Could he not have made phone call to find out when I was back?
Probably feeling oversensitive as both my parents passed away in last 2 years.

I guess part of the problem is also that dd is the in-laws favourite. When she buys clothes for dd its always designers at Debenhams . DS gets poundstretcher.Hh doesn't notice now but will sooner or later. Plus the idea that its fine for dh and in-laws go out to celebrate with dd irks me a little. I carried her and had surgery for her to come into the world. Yet there are time in-laws in particular make me feel like a spare part. At her christening MIL took loads of photos of the family! when I was out of the room. I am not in a single photo. That still hurts.

What BytheWay1 and *Kayano said.
YABabitU and paranoid IMO.

But if DS is very small he will be growing
Quickly and therefore cheaper clothes
Make
More sense? In my mind anyway... I thought that was normal

Obviously there's more to this!

Its just another instance of feeling left out huh? Then YANBU.

On its own, YABU.

Sorry but now we are getting a drip feed of meanness its overriding your op and irritating me

Talk to your DH? Op in itself is not mean but I'm not going through the drips

Ds is 4. Maybe implied he was younger than that.

in everyone of your scenarios you weren't around. you do understand you do not have to go everywhere with him?

They are adults.if you arent there and someone suggests popping out to a pub or town or a meal. he can do that

For the christening one I was in the kitchen getting drinks for guests.

Incidently dh does get loads of freedom! Every other Saturday at football, weekends away with friends. I also go away on my own too so we are not joined at the hip.

If you'd like to go invite yourself and DS.

If you can sort of understand that DS is a bit young to sit nicely through a meal (very child dependent and so only you know) and this is DD's moment then arrange a nice trip out you and DS for Saturday afternoon, have some friends over, go round to a friends. Don't make yourself or DS second.

Obviously a lot of stuff has happened to lead up to this moment, so, rather than go for a meal where you are going to being feeling resentful, why not take DS out for a special dinner, just the two of you?